Bye Bye to Brazil

 

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Just a quick thought today folks, I am flying to Brazil Tomorrow AM and will be gone until Monday. Last minute things had to be taken care of in my coffee plant.

While I know many different languages, Portuguese is NOT one of them. I had to hire an interpreter to go with me… Hopefully I can sort out the confusion at the plant, and make sure I have the right people in charge.

Should be a LONG 4 days. YIKES!!!! Not looking forward to kicking asses and taking names, but, it’s just part of the job I guess. Anyway, be good to each other while I’m away, and if you’re good, maybe I’ll bring you back a nice Brazilian gal. ;)…

Love to all…

Sooz

Cinco de Mayo—The REAL Story

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So Thursday is Cinco de Mayo day and thousands of Mexicans AND Americans will celebrate this joyous holiday. Now I realize that many of you who celebrate this day already THINK you know the TRUE history of the day, but, I am here to tell you the TRUTH, about what REALLY happened.

There once lived a boy in Pueblo, Mexico, whose name was Cinco. He had been the fifth child in a family of eight, so NATURALLY his parents named him Cinco, meaning five in Spanish.

One day Cinco and his lady friend Juanita were on a picnic enjoying Mexico’s beautiful landscapes, when they came upon a beautiful stream. The couple’s eyes lit up and they decided to stop there to eat.

There was indeed a feast packed, Burritos,  Pobalno Enchalladas, Black Bean and corn salad, and of course traditional Mexican Guacamole. Many of these dishes had mayonnaise in them and if the truth be told, they had been in the  hot sun for quite some time.

The couple sat on the ground after laying down a blanket and were about to eat when a cute little el perro (Dog) happened by. He was sooooo cute that Cinco and Juanita decided to invite him to the picnic.

All of a sudden, nature called for Cinco, he excused himself and went to a nearby tree to relieve himself. While he was away, Juanita gave the dog one one of her delicious looking Burritos. The pup gobbled it down, and then, just a minute later it rolled over in pain, puking its guts out, and died right there in front of her.

Juanita immediately realized that the Mayo was bad and it poisoned the poor animal. When Cinco got back, he was famished. Before she could say anything, he grabbed for a Burrito. Not wanting her boyfriend to befall a similar fate as the dog, she pointed towards the poisoned animal and she yelled in her loudest voice, Cinco…de MAYO…

As Paul Harvey would say, “And now you know the REST of the story.”

Until Later…

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I have something sensitive to tell you and I am rather embarrassed. My husband and I have been married for 16 years now, and in all that time, being a fairly active sexual couple, I have only experienced orgasm a couple of times.

Yes, I know, it is more difficult for some women than others, but this is really starting to create a rift between my husband and me. I have read several books, using the Kegel strengthening exercises, more foreplay, lubricants, etc.

We have tried doing it in elevators, on the sand, and even at the park once, hoping that the newness of the surroundings, and the getting caught factor would make it easier for me, nothing.

I am at a loss here, and my husband asked me to write and see what you thought we might be able to do. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Out of Orgasms

 

Dear Out of Orgasms:

Since you HAVE experienced orgasms before, it appears that everything down there appears to be where it should be. Here is what I believe. Sex is about 2% physical and 98% mental. To ME, it sounds like you two need to relax and just enjoy yourselves.

If your husband doesn’t go down on you, then suggest that he spends a little time tasting your precious flavors in the Netherlands. Many women cannot cum from straight coitus.

Just be patient, relax, spend some time just touching each other, lightly kissing, and quietly talking. There is NO rush; this is NOT an Olympic event Slow and easy wins the BIG O. I’m sure once you have relaxed and FORGOT about the end result, the BIG BANG will happen.

If after say a couple weeks of trying my methods and nothing works, then I would suggest going to a Gynecologist, and or a Sex Therapist for further info. I wish you much luck and remember, the operative word here is RELAX.

 

 

Mother’s Day Rememberence

 

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Dear Mom:

A few years have passed now since you left me and I must say, I think about you often. While my teen years were filled with anger and tears, I try and remember the good times before daddy died.

I remember us as a family, going to the park, packing a picnic lunch, and while you and dad made goo goo eyes at each other, I would be swinging,  or sliding down the slide which seemed like an eternity.

It seems like only yesterday that you would cuddle me in your arms to say, “Remember the good times always princess”. We were happy then and I so long for those forgotten memories.

As a teen, I really didn’t understand what was going on. Oh sure, I realized that you were hurting from the loss of daddy, but I never truly understood how YOU felt that fateful day, YOU died also.

Now, as an adult, making my OWN mistakes, and in one instance, followed YOUR lead into alcoholism, I understand completely what drove you to your destruction.

I want you to know that I forgive you for all of those bad years growing up, and that I truly did, and DO love you. I sincerely hope you are happy where ever you are and if there IS a Heaven, I pray that God shine His light upon you.

I also ask for YOUR forgiveness mom, I hated you for years, and that hate, was unduly justified. I am guilt ridden because of those feelings, and I try each day to somehow make up for my transgressions.

I realize this is just a letter mom, but, my feelings stand true. You were a beautiful and loving mother for many years, and it is THOSE years and memories I shall carry to my grave.

God Love You…

Your Princess

 

 

 

Great Day in History

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Today, April 29th. In 1813, one of our most famous products was first patented. I’ll give you a hint, it stretches, it winds, has MANY uses, and can be purchased cheaply. Any thoughts?

If you guessed string, you would be WRONG, ‘cause it’s Rubber. Yup, it’s good old fashioned rubber. Now you may ask, “Sooz, how do you KNOW all these amazing fascinating facts”? Are you a wizard, do you have a brain stored full of secrets we know nothing about, (Well, yes, but not regarding facts. WINK)…

Little fairies whispered it into my ear this AM while I was taking a shower. Not BUYING that one, OK, I LOOKED it up OK??? Aren’t you glad I did, though? The NEXT time someone asks you when rubber was first patented, there will be no more himming or hawing, you will be able to just spit the date, right off your tongue, impressing all of your friends and colleagues.

Let’s look at how we use rubber every day of our lives, shall we? The tires that are on our cars for one, much better than those wooden wheels used in olden days; or, how about rubber balls, golf balls, bumper guards, or MY favorite, rubber bands;

I must admit BESIDES using them to secure things, I used to wrap them around my thumb and pointer finger as a gun and then SHOOT them at my enemies.

Of course, while not being a very ladylike thing to do, it was very self-satisfying. NO, I am NOT a serial killer…Come on, I heard you thinking about it!!!

I hope you enjoyed this post and remember…”If you stretch it out, it will just roll back up eventually” THINK ABOUT IT…All the best…😉

Until Later…

 

 

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I am a 34 year old attractive woman with big boobs. Herein lies the problem. I am married, and everywhere we go someone is looking at my big melons. This really pisses my husband off, in fact; he is somewhat hot headed about this, and has gotten into more than just a couple of fights.

I have told him time and time again that it doesn’t matter to me if someone stares, but he sees it as rude and degrading. Actually, I kind of like the attention the twins bring.

What can I do to help him understand that I love only him and that there is no need to get upset about this issue?

Bra Filler

 

Dear Bra Filler:

Sorry, but your signature made me chuckle. Honey, there are a LOT of us girls who are endowed with a generous bosom, and men are gonna stare at them. I can’t change Human nature.

Like you, I too have a nice set and I get that same attention ALL the time. Now, I DON’T know HOW you dress so let me say this. IF you are wearing low cut tops or other twin enhancing clothing, perhaps you should dial it down when you are out with your husband.

Wear NICE fitting, not tight clothes that will accentuate your gifts. Reinforce to your husband that you love him, and that others looking at you will not change that. He seems to me to be a bit challenged with his manhood considering his foolish behavior.

I believe if you do this, he will change his mind and not be so sensitive. Good luck and give my best to the twins.

Guess What I Got

 

 

In My Dorm Dressing for class

I’ll give you two guesses and the first and second ones don’t count. I got something official looking in the mail from a certain school that I applied for a while back.

Yup…I got accepted to Stanford. You should have seen me, I did a happy dance and everything. Now comes the tough part, selling the business for the right price, finding a place to live closer to school, and then of course the work load.

Yikes, I haven’t been in school for what seems to be a lifetime, and I must tell you, I’m scared. Am I too old to be going back, will I be able to keep up and remember what I need to know, and what about temptations?

No, I don’t mean sex, THAT will be the fun part, I am talking about Keggers. I have that nagging feeling in my gut that says what if I give up my business and then flunk out? Yikes…The nerves…

Too many unanswered questions and things to think about right now. I am excited, but at the same time paralyzed with trepidation. Awwww, this I silly, I’m just gonna forget all about this for now and get my cute little horny ass back to work.

Wish me luck with a new beginning for my life… All the best…

Until Later…

 

 

Echoes of Silence

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Moonlight, mingles with the stars,

As the shadows of night emerge.

Stillness fills the air,

And all that was, is now silent.

 

Echoes of silence fills the air,

While dreamers dream, and quiet sentinels guard the hallowed night.

Time slips into infinite space,

And the world keeps turning upon a shadowed plane.