Many of Today’s Most Successful People are High School or College Dropouts…Wait…WHAT??????

Yup, it’s true, many EXTREEMLY successful folks either never finished high school or college. Does that mean I am condoning this…NO, I’m just saying that you don’t NEED to be a book smart person to make googles of dollars.

Case in Point, Woody Allen, famous screenwriter, actor, writer, and just about anything else you can think of claims he was kicked out of New York University for poor grades. He also dropped out of City College of New York as Woody puts it: ““I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”

Then there is Roman Abramovich, the richest Russian man in Russia. He originally studied at the Moscow State Auto Transport Institute before he took a leave of absence and went into business. He is now a billionaire many times over.

Let’s not forget Bryan Adams, (singer, songwriter) who dropped out of high school and Don Adams of the TV series Get Smart, who also took that high school tumble.

Book smarts, while advantageous when in business or industry, does not always guarantee success. It takes talent, commitment, and lots and lots of hard work to accomplish that.

My advice, stay in school and get as much education as you can, BUT, remember, Dan Aykroyd did it, and so might you with enough determination and talent. Just keep yourself focused, have a dream, and follow that dream until it becomes your reality.

Until Later…

Time

Many songs, books, and even movies have been written about this mysterious and fleeting entity. It seems everything we have in our lives revolves around Time.

We wear watches or carry timepieces, have clocks, whether they are digital, Roman numeral, or even have Mickey Mouse pointing his hands to the current time of our destinies. Even the Romans had the sun dial to see what time it was, so they could stop all their filibustering and come in to eat dinner.

My question is, “Why are we so focused on it?” Look at it this way, there isn’t ANYTHING we can do about it, we can’t stop it, make it speed up, or slow it down, so what’s all the fuss about?

People…time will go on, with, or without us. Quit worrying about it. Certainly you have to be on time for work or events that folks plan, but, for the most part, don’t be so time oriented.

Live your lives based on what your body tells you to do. Eat when you’re hungry, not at 5:30 or 6:00 PM because that’s what the clock says. Believe me, if you do that, you will weigh less, eat less, and be satisfied. More than likely, you will even LIVE longer because you don’t need as many calories to burn off.

Another aspect of time is sleep. Raise your hands if you set an alarm clock. Did you know that our bodies have their OWN NATURAL alarm clocks? Yup, it’s true.

Try this for a week and prove my point. When you’re tired, go to bed, NOT at 11PM or 10 PM, or whenever you are currently going to bed by the clock. Then, tell yourself you wanna be awakened by 6AM or 7AM, believe it or not, after a week, you will get up JUST when you want, WITHOUT the aid of an alarm clock.

OK, I see you snickering…TRY IT!!!!! You’ll see I’m right. Pretty soon you will notice that you are LESS dependent on the clock, and your body will thank you for it…I promise.

The Christmas Carol Rejected

Many times great authors have tried for years to get a book or play published. What the general public DOESN’T know, is how many times they have been rejected first. Here is an example.

Dear Mr. Dickens:

We have received your manuscript of A Christmas Carol, and I’m afraid at this time, we must decline publishing your submission. Herein are some of the reasons we felt that it just didn’t meet the necessary criteria for publication.

First and foremost, we saw a rich old miser working in a storefront that was so cold, you can see your breath. We found this to be unbelievable. Based on Mr. Scrooge’s riches, he would have indeed kept the place at a decent temperature, so that he and Bob Cratchet could work longer hours and make more money. We really didn’t think the general public would associate with his character, and would honestly find him unbelievable.

We could see where Marley, his deceased business partner, and the prediction of the three spirits to come were truthfully, a little hokey, and that the audience would have completely lost their attention.

Then, there were the three spirits. I must say, Christmas past and present were entertaining, but, on the other hand, Christmas future, just scared the Bejesus out of us all, and surely would have your audience.

Perhaps if you could soften the Scrooge character, and do away with the Grimm Reaper, the story line would be of a more up and popular write. We thank you for your submission and look forward to re-reading this manuscript after it has been reworked and polished.

Good day.

 

Can Hillary Win the Presidency

Oh, I know what you’re gonna say, “But she’s a crook, a liar, a cheat, how can we POSSIBLY trust her?” The answer…She’s as smart as a FOX. Nothing else really matters because she will never get anything DONE anyway. This is not to say that she is a bad candidate, just a pawn of our system.

Will we ever CHANGE our system, unlikely after over two hundred years, so we just have to keep telling ourselves that THIS time it will be different and HOPE for the best.

I say…”Go for the gold girl, hey, you can’t do any worse than those before you”…Good luck…

Until Later…

Greeting Card Irregulars

Greeting cards can be fun, silly, happy, but most of all entertaining. Here is a list of greeting cards that never made it to mass production. I call them my IRREGULARS…

1.   You are cordially invited to take a trip. Wine, women, and song will be provided at our expense. ***NOTE*** The trip is a ONE way ride only.  Wine, women, and song are ONLY included IF you are ALIVE to partake. 

***VOID*** if Bubba or The Crusher are not available…

 

2.   Remember friends, ALL things are possible. *** NOTE***  You must be good looking, sexy, and very RICH to qualify for this little ditty. Does NOT pertain to the short, fat, bald, ugly, or income level below 200k. Also, mentally ill or unstable folks unqualified for above.

 

3.  It’s your BIRTHDAY…AGAIN…Wait, didn’t THAT come LAST year????? Please see LAST year’s gift and RE-ENJOY!!!

 

4.   Congratulations on your 4th. Divorce…You have finally obtained an illustrious status all of your own…LOSER!!!!!!!!!!

 

5.  If at first you don’t succeed, you’re NOT doing it right. I TOLD you, Suck…  ….Engage Tongue……Repeat…Come on…It’s NOT that hard, even my Aunt Irene can DO it and she’s 87….

 

6.  “If you wish upon a star”…. WHAT????? Geez, if you’re going to freaking’ wish upon a damn star, you might just as well BUY a Lottery Ticket. At least THERE, you have a 1 in six million chance of being rewarded…Get a GRIP……REALLY!!!!!

 

7.  “Don’t wait for your ship to come in, swim out to meet it”… OK, this is great advice UNLESS you can’t swim; in THAT case, you’re SCREWED!!!!!!!!!

 

8.  “What goes up must come down”… Really??? What about balloons filled with Helium? Ever SEE one come down? I rest my case. Scientists should really THINK before spouting off stuff like this…

 

9.  Congratulations on your new baby….Enjoy the next 18 yrs. of sleepless nights, worrying, bickering, constant and mounting bills, and did I mention the constant fighting???

 

   10. Congratulations on graduating from College. Here’s some advice…Go left at the stop sign to the nearest McDonalds and apply for the French fry operator’s job. Sorry, all the Archeology, Greek Mythology, and Philosophy jobs are already taken…

Until Later…

Dear Diary

Dear Diary

Dear Diary:

 Today, I have come to you with the greatest of intentions, to hopefully release my inner struggles. My mind is clouded, and my soul broken. Little can I see the glimmer of hope, or the resolve of true contentment.

I remain alone. Sure, I still possess the mark of fading beauty, but the lack of loving commitment, and the ability to share my accomplishments with others, is rapidly fading. I have become like one who lives alone on a floating piece of ice, destined to accept time’s passage, but without the warmth of another’s touch, on a sea of perpetual loneliness.

Time will become my worst foe. As breasts fall, and age lines begin to extend like wheat in the field, so shall my conquests, which help to release the demons within me. Then, like Midas and his gold, all that will remain will be the fruits of my labors, and the greed of my sexual proclivities.

My counselor claims it is just one of my lowest points, yet, while I have had many low points, they have never entered my inner sanctum and became a close reality.

I wonder if others feel as I do? Is there indeed still hope of a happy and fulfilling life, or am I doomed to become that aging woman on a lonely seabed of frozen ice, floating around on that lake of loneliness until my imminent demise?\

Thanks for listening diary, you have become my one refuge for the many storms in my life. Until next time…

 

 

 

To Dream

To Dream

To dream, quiet images of days past dance like sea nymphs, as night time’s shadow fills a tired mind.

Ah, the sweet sound of silence permeates our minds eye and gives a comforting solace to a restful soul.

Dance image dance, fill my being with the colors of thy music, wake me not, but let my body rest in your repose.

 Of this I ask, renew my spirit so I may once again tilt my sword towards empty windmills upon night’s end.

Fill me with thy wonder, let my mind sore with you through time’s eternity, and forever guide me through life’s wondrous journey.   

Just Ask Sooz

Panties

Dear Sooz:

My girlfriends invited me to a “naughty gift, party” and while I am not a prude, I didn’t want to attend. After much cajoling, I agreed to go. When my husband asked me where I was going, I just replied that I was going to one of those “girl” parties, you know, like Tupperware.

Well, I got to the party and the hostess had food and wine. Unfortunately, I overindulged on the wine, and bought an expensive vibrator. Luckily, I used my own money so my husband wouldn’t find out.

I had never used a vibrator or any other “devices” before Sooz, but since I purchased it, I decided to use it. OMG, I “loved it”. I have never had such a climax in my entire life. The problem is, now I use it all the time and don’t really feel like making love to my husband as often.

He has asked me why, but I just keep telling I’m that either I am tired, or just not in the mood. What have I done, and how do I fix this?

Out of Control Sex Maniac

 

Dear Out of Control Sex Maniac:

First off, you have a RIGHT to buy any damn thing you want. Obviously, the extra “grape juice” just put you over the edge and let your freewheeling self out.

I would suggest you tell your husband that you would like to try something new and improved in the bedroom tonight. If he asks, tell him that it’s a surprise. Then, make sure you wear something that will move that man to BURN with desire.

Introduce the toy for both him AND you. This way, you can both partake of the pleasure, and he will be none the wiser. My guess, he will LOVE satisfying you, and seeing how HOT you get when you introduce this tiny womens wonder.

I can see this being used in your bedroom a lot between the two of you from now on. Good luck.

 

 

Why Not Blame the Horoscope When Things Go Wrong

So, you’re having a bad day, things just aren’t going right, and the world seems to be crashing in on you, chances are…It’s your horoscope. That’s what I’m going with anyway.

Let’s say you’re a Pieces…Hmmmmm…I am, what a GREAT example then RIGHT? For just a minute, say you missed a meeting because you slipped on a puddle of water, and you got all muddy. Of course you had to go home and change, you couldn’t very well go to your meeting like THAT now could you?

Was this YOUR fault, of course NOT!!! It was because Mercury was in retrograde and Leo was lapping your Va Jay Jay (Oooooooowww). How could you POSSIBLY make your meeting?

Or, what about that presentation that didn’t go so well the other day? Was that MY fault, I think NOT, it was because Scorpio was too damn close to Virgo, and Aquarius and Mars were playing KICKBALL with Capricorn.. How could that POSSIBLY be MY fault?

You see, I am a BIG believer in Astrology. I believe that the stars control our destiny…NOT!!! But, they ARE a GREAT reason for blaming our most embarrassing moments and our faux pas’s on. (Yes, I KNOW I ended the sentence with a preposition, I just couldn’t HELP it, it FIT so Ooooooow).

Yes, yes, yes, I KNOW this is not the RIGHT thing to do, BUT, it’s just so DAMN easy that I’m gonna keep on doin’ it…Try it, You’ll like it!!!

Until Later

We Need A New Metaphor For Sex

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For years, the metaphor for sex has always been about baseball terms. Will he /she score, he got to first, second or third base, He’s going for a home run. Or MY favorite, will she play BALL??? WHAT????!!!!????

I think it’s about time we do away with this sports terminology, and put sex into a different category. Something that’s not only fun, but that everybody understands.

For example, how about using Pizza for the new metaphors, it not only makes sense metaphorically, but it’s something everyone loves. Think about it, “WOW!!! This guy’s SAUSAGE is HUGE.” Or, how about, “She’s a little CRUSTY tonight; I don’t think she’s in the mood.”

I like “Boy, she is SAUCY tonight, or he’ll knead her dough like a Pizza.” Then there’s, “Will he get to her pepperonis or will he get stuck in the cheese?”

See what I mean, you just can’t go wrong with pizza. I think we should start a movement, what do you think? Let’s take this by the tail and run with it.

 Hey, we could be starting the next great movement in the wide, wide world of sex. Give it a go, you’ll like it. You might even think up your OWN terminology that fits even BETTER than pizza, give it a try…

Until Later…