Naughty or Nice

Bless me WordPress for I have sinned. I went shopping today with a buzz on and did the following:

  1. I yelled at 3 people that tried to buy something I wanted when there was only ONE item of each left. They called me a drunken Biatch, but, I still wound up with the items I wanted so THERE F**k heads. 
  1. I waited in line to see Santa and gave him a Lap Dance…What??? Hey, Not my fault, I was buzzed. I must say though, Santa had a BIG present for me, and I liked it. I tried to get his number for later, but he said he was married so I thought better of calling him. 
  1. I gave the Salvation Army Santa a hundred dollar bill, and when I asked if it was OK to feel his ass, he agreed. See, money CAN buy you SOME things. Man, I LOVE ASSES. 
  1. I stopped at a couple of bars for some Xmas cheer, and I must admit, I was VERY cheerful when I left. I had kissed at least 3 patrons, including the female bartender. Will I burn in Hell??? 
  1. I got home, staggered in the door, fell to the floor, and decided I might just as well Masturbate while I was there, I was very HORNY!!! 
  1. After the deed was done, I crawled to my bar, grabbed a bottle of Vodka and drank it till I passed out. I just woke up now. I am somewhat sober still, BUT, I can surely fix that. 

OK, how many prayers am I going to have to say to FIX all of that, 10, 50, 100, WHAT??? That was MY day folks, I hope YOURS went a lot more smoothly. Until next time…

P.S.—In case you were wondering, I have a driver that takes me around. I do NOT Drink and Drive!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sooz’s Drunk Stories

Once upon a time, probably since I was around 19, I have had a drinking difficulty. I won’t say problem, because you see, it WASN’T a problem, I dealt with being drunk swimmingly.

Understand something, when drunk, I am funny, life of the party, and a VERY HORNY woman. When loaded, I wanna have SEX, and the more I get, the more I want.

By the way, once again, I am writing this while SH** Faced. I have decided to take the month of Xmas off from sobriety and just go nuts. Hey, I’m entitled. So, if you like me sober, you’ll LOVE me drunk.

OK, I am going to admit something to all my fans, I am lonely. Being rich is fine, but it can’t buy what a relationship between two people have, THAT is special. I am looking for someone, either girl or guy, who is ready for a relationship and doesn’t mind if I get inebriated once in a while. Know anyone???

I am fun loving, funny, and loyal. Geez, that sounded like I am a German Sheppard or perhaps a Girl Scout. I must admit, I have thought about internet dating, but, it seems like all of my friends who have tried it got TERRIBLE results.

I have seen the pics they put on their profiles, they look like Adonis’s, but when you meet them, they look like Don Rickles. No offense Don. I think I am ready, but, I DO need someone with a HIGH SEX drive, and someone who is interested in new sexual experiences.

I am a catch, believe me, that is if you don’t mind me tipping the bottle a bit. Any takers??? Hehehehehehe. I am hosting a Xmas party this year for all my friends and Family. THAT should prove interesting. Thirty Five people who Love to drink and carouse, perhaps I’ll find my soul mate there, fingers crossed.

I’m sorry, I have to go as I am REALLY Horny and I need to take care of something. Merry Christmas to everyone, oh, and please don’t hate me for drunk writing. :pve to all…LITTERALLY!!! Hehehehehehe.

 

 

 

A Line From Sooz

Image result for sexy woman in christmas garb

Tonight brings me to THINKING about the Holiday season.. It’s Christmas, a time when all people are supposed to be relaxed, happy, and joyful. BS I say!!!

If we’re honest with ourselves, (I’m speaking mostly to the women here), it’s the busiest, most stressful, aggravating time of the year.

No offense guys, but, usually it’s us women who write the cards, buy all the gifts, wrap them, bake the cookies, do the cooking, and ten thousand OTHER things during this “Happy and Fun” time of the year.

Christmas is SUPPOSED to be a peaceful time, honoring the birth of Christ, NOT seeing who has the best price for Aunt Irma’s gloves. God bless all you women who get it all done and STILL have a great attitude, you ought to get a medal.

I must admit, I am NOT one of you. As much as I enjoy the holiday, it’s a time of year I go off the deep end just a little bit. DON’T get me wrong, I am NOT a raving maniac the rest of the year, just around Xmas.

I’ve been known to push and shove people in the stores, and once, I got so mad, I tipped over the store Xmas tree at a major chain store. Sure, I had had a few, “pops” before I went out, but STILL, when they say they have an item, dammit, HAVE THE ITEM.

Luckily, the judge let me off with just a huge fine, and told me never to go to that store again, I HAVEN’T. You see my point though, right? No Ho- Ho- Ho there, just a hangover the next day and a little more stress added to my Holiday fun.

Everybody, do me a favor, be a dear this Christmas. If you are married, have a significant other, or perhaps EVEN your Mom, treat them with respect, and thank the living dickens out of them for making your Christmas go off without a hitch.

Then, you can write me, and thank me for being, and writing a BITCH letter. Merry Christmas to ALL…Cheers!!!

 

Just Ask Sooz-Drunk Edition

Image result for very lonely drunk woman

Hello???

Hi there folks…I’m back. Just got my tits pampered, and my pussy satisfied, so once again I am ready, willing, and eager to write. P.S. I am wearing only a pink thong, that’s IT!!! Just wanted to give you guys and gals a visual image, wink.

OK, let’s get serious here for a moment and do a Just Ask Sooz segment. Here goes, oh, and YES, In case you were wondering, I’m still loaded. I picked this letter because it really hits home.

Dear Sooz:

I am a card carrying, drink every day, get passed out drunk. I am writing to you because I understand that at one time before your rehab, you have also been a lot like me and get passed out drunk at night.

I am a 35 year old woman, who drinks every morning, at lunch, and gets passed out drunk at night. I also don’t remember things that I did from day to day. While I realize that I need help Sooz, I also don’t want to take that first step. You see, I enjoy being drunk, just not the hangovers and sickness that comes along with it.

I don’t need to work as I inherited a huge trust fund from my parents, who died in an auto accident. I really have no reason to be sober except to try and become involved with someone. You see, I have had many one night stands, but never anything meaningful. I am lonely Sooz. Thank goodness I am drunk now as I wouldn’t have been able to pour my soul out if sober.

I identify with you Sooz, any suggestions?

Drunk Again

 

Dear Drunk Again:

This is a very hard one for me, because as I write this, I too have fallen off the wagon, and as you say, am “card carrying drunk”. I UNDERSTAND, and can tell you all the evil things about getting drunk, STD’s, broken relationships, health issues, etc.

What I heard in your letter was that you were NOT yet ready to take that first step in helping yourself. Until you truly commit, nothing will help you. You will go on being a subject to that bottle of booze.

I got clean because it started to affect me on a daily basis. Rehab was a bitch and YES, I crave it still every day, today was just one of those days. Am I glad I did it, YES, will I do it again, probably, but then it is a day to day struggle.

Am I glad I went to rehab and got “clean”, YES!!! Do I still enjoy getting drunk, YES, but living a clean, sober life ALSO has its benefits. I would give it a try, what do you have to lose except the hangovers and the blackouts?

I will hive you my number if you ever wanna talk. I wish you much success. Good Luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing While Drunk

Image result for drunk woman writing

Hi there everyone, my name is Sooz and I’m a drunk. Yup, that’s right, I guess I should say I am a recovering alcoholic, however, today, I am NOT so recovered. I am indeed drunk as a skunk.

Now, what does this mean, nothing really, you see, I used to be drunk most of the time and would sit down and write until I couldn’t see straight anymore. It’s just been a while since I’ve been drunk, so this morning, I got up, poured myself a couple of shots and then downed it with some wine. Yuuuum, what a great breakfast.

I have continued through the afternoon, so I am quite blottoed right about now. I just thought I would share that with you. God, I feel good, I think I’m going to call my cute hunky neighbor next door and see if he would like to come over for a quickie.

That’s one thing about me, when I’m sober, I have a voracious sexual appetite, but, when I’m drunk, I have an INSATIABLE sexual HUNGER. I NEED SEX and I need it NOW. Excuse me for a moment while I make that call.

I’m back, he answered and he immediately KNEW I was drunk. He said he would be over in an hour, I hope it isn’t too much longer than that as I am nearing a critical point here in my drunkenness.

So, how is everybody here doing on this WONDRFUL Saturday? Anyone else drunk today? Don’t worry folks, I will be straight as an arrow tomorrow, I just wanted to remember how I used to feel when the alcohol drifts through my system like a fast flowing river, and takes complete control of my mind and body. AMAZING!!!

I know, I shouldn’t say that being an alcoholic, but I can’t help it. Well, here’s looking at you all. I love each and every one of ya. Cheers!!!!

 

Just Ask Sooz

Image result for sexy lap dances

Dear Sooz:

I realize this sounds stupid coming from a 25 year old woman, but, none the less I would like your opinion. The other night, my boyfriend and I went to a club and came home a little drunk.

We were on my couch with just our tops and underwear on. I was on his lap pretending to give him a lap dance, when all of a sudden, he ejaculated. My question here is this, my panties got wet when he ejaculated and so did my Vagina.

Is it possible for his semen to have penetrated me, and do I have to look forward to a possible pregnancy? Some of friends tell me yes while others say no. I am currently one week overdue and I am in a frazzle right now. Just so you have all the facts, this is the first time any type of sex where ejaculate has occurred.

Feeling Down

 

Dear Feeling Down:

Good news my friend, unless he delivered a load of oh, let’s say a DUMP TRUCK full onto your panties, the “odds are in your favor”. You are about 99.999% guaranteed NOT to have gotten pregnant.

Semen going through clothes, then entering the Vagina and travelling up the Cervix, is just about impossible. You are probably overdue because of your angst. Sit back, CLOSE your legs, and keep your feet up. You dodged a bullet.

Since your boyfriend has experienced sexual climax with you, it might be a good idea to be a little more careful next time, unless of course you WANT to have sex. Good luck to you and Happy Holidays.

 

Dear Santa

Image result for sexy xmas outfit

Dear Santa

Once again, it’s time for all of us “Good Girls” to write Santa for our Xmas requests. I, for one, have been a VERY good girl so I believe having a 125 page list is JUSTIFIED!!!

I’ve decided to only ask for the top five on my list because, well, let’s face it Santa, you are a busy guy and may not be able to fit ALL my presents in your sack along with all your other good girls and boys. 

OK, so here goes Santa: 

  1. I want a Pink Cheery Pro 40 Clitoral Stimulator in magenta—For those long and lonely nights. Cum on Santa, wink, YOU know what I’m talking about. 
  1. A 10 function little black panty thong—This little baby when worn, can bring you to the “BIG O” while shopping, or in the boudoir with your favorite date. A MUST have for EVERY sexy gal. 
  1. How about a sustained loving relationship, either girl OR guy, (As long as he has a big dick). I could really USE one. Hey, how about you, are you tired of the old ball and chain yet? Maybe she is baking you sugar FREE cookies these days, or using SKIM milk? What do ya say baby, give me a go? 
  1. I would like all my friends here to become rich and famous. There, who SAYS I am NOT generous. 
  1. Peace to ALL Nations—I REALIZE this is a tall order Santa, I am just afraid that Humanity cannot solve all the problems we have by themselves. Your helpful, smiling ways would certainly make a big difference throughout the planet. Please see what you can do, OK? 

 I want to thank you for reading this, and I hope you can accommodate me on my wish list. I sincerely hope that you, Rudolph, and all the other elves and reindeer have a very Happy and Merry Christmas. 

  1. P.S. —When I said I was “A Good Girl” this year, I meant to say as good as I could be.

Muah Santa,

 Love ya.

Sooz

ONACOUNTOFCUZ

Image result for empty field

Today is kind of a lazy day for me, I’m sitting by the pool, and thinking of my childhood.

Man, it seems like a million years ago when I used to go to a vast field by my house, sit in that field with some friends, drink, build forts, (YES, I was a tomboy), and just dreampt the time away. I even got some merit badges from girl scouts there.

I specifically remember getting my fire starting badge, and I think I also got my outdoors badge there for scouting animal tracks.

Hell, I even had one of my first drunken experiences with a BOY in that field, seems like it was just yesterday.

Of course, those days are long gone, as the kids’ favorite field was taken away through the “progress” they call big business. Today, that field is a gazillion foot shopping Mall, filled with stores that can sell you shoes, to the Christmas stores that will fill your home full of bright lights and toys.

We also spoke differently back then. We made up our own words and phrases from our neighborhood that EVERYONE knew and understood. We used a word called-“Onacountofcuz”. Basically, it means because I said so, so SHUT UP!!!

 It was usually used to answer a question you DIDN’T really wanna answer. For example: “Why don’t you like Cassie Mosner”? Instead of saying, because she’s a slut, or she stinks because she doesn’t wear deodorant, you would just say, Onacountofcuz. That would END it.

No one one would challenge you any more because THAT was the rule. Once that was spoken, you dropped it like a hot potato. If someone DID have the balls to challenge you, you would just say in a stern but confident voice, “I SAID, ONACOUNTOFCUZ”.

That let them know you were serious, OR, they could easily give up their teeth THEN.

I still miss those days, I often think back to that field and pretend I am still there dreaming about how my life would turn out.

Maybe the next time I’m at the Mall, I’ll just sit on a bench, close my eyes, and SEE where my dreams take me.

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

Image result for sad girl with wine

Dear Sooz:

Yesterday, my boyfriend of 4 years, out of the blue told me we were through. My mouth just dropped open, and I asked him why? He claimed he was bored with our relationship, and that he wanted to date other people.

Never before had he mentioned that he was bored, or that he wanted to date someone else. I am so upset. Are all men like this? Don’t they know when they have a good thing going? Our sex life has always been robust and I have never had any complaints.

I am just so broken up and pissed at men, I don’t care if I ever date again.

Sad Sac

 

Dear Sad Sac:

Relationships are hard, you really have to work on them to keep them fresh. It is hard for me to believe you have dated, and slept together for 4 years, and you have not noticed ANY change in him at all.

My guess, he just wasn’t ready for a committed relationship and wanted to move on to greener pastures.

Men aren’t ALL assholes honey, many are very very nice. Sooner or later someone WILL come around who is kind, considerate, and READY for a commitment.

Hang in there kiddo, YOUR time is coming. Sorry you had to be hurt, however, to learn this bitter lesson. Good Luck…

Odd but True Xmas Gifts

Sexy woman in panties

OK, here’s the low down, it’s getting time to buy all your Xmas presents, as Black Friday approaches. Sure, you can buy aunt Ghirta her FAVORITE socks again, and certainly let’s not forget Uncle Clyde’s favorite booze so he can STAY pickled, OR, you can shop at Sooz’s home delivery facility and use some of MY gift ideas.

Mine may be a little offbeat, however, I’ve been told there is a niche for everyone, right? Here are just a few of my ideas for Xmas that will wet ANYONE’S whistle.

  • Disappearing Hair Mug –Yup that’s right, it starts, showing a full frontal view of my pussy. As you drink your favorite beverage, my pubic hair disappears until I am as shaved as a brand new spankin’ baby. Just imagine the possibilities? Only 15.99

 

  • Trip the Light Fantastic With Sooz Handbook—People, you don’t wanna miss out on this. This will show you HOW to get a date, where to go, and what to DO when the timing is right. The perfect handbook for every guy and gal. A steal at only 22.95.

 

  • Masturbation Handguide for Dummys—Yes, yes, I can hear you now, “But Sooz, I KNOW how to masturbate”. Believe me folks, you may know how to choke the chicken, or make yourself pulsate like a river, BUT, I guarantee UNBELIEVABLE MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCES after you read my book. Who doesn’t want to CUM 6 or 7 times a day like I do? Read my book and become a masturbation EXPERT like me. Today thru next week, only 25.99.

 

  • A Date with Sooz—OK folks, this was a last minute decision, but, I NEED to get LAID. For only 250.00, you can date me, converse with me, and if your lucky, take me to your place and show me a good time. (Wink…Wink).

 

OR, those socks are still available. The choice is YOURS, I’m SURE you will make the RIGHT one. Muah!!!