The Warthog, Wart or Hog…Discuss

Now THERE’S a face to love, eh? I feel sorry for this animal. The poor beast gets harassed by the general public as being the ugliest mammal on God’s green Earth.

Let’s be honest, take the ugliest man or woman you can imagine, and then compare them to the warthog, the Humans will look like Adonis’ and the women like Venus.

Think of all the mean things that get said about this lowly creature, like:

 “You’re so ugly, when you were first born your parents named you SHIT HAPPENS”

 “When you went to a Haunted house you came out with an application.”

 “You’re so ugly, you make an ONION cry.”

This of course was just the beginning. They could never get into Harvard or Yale even WITH a 200 IQ, why, you guessed it, they would frighten all the other students.  Or, what about a pet, no one wants a wart hog. Personally, I feel sorry for them.

So the next time you’re meandering through a zoo, if you spot one of these lovely creatures, before you shout out something about how ugly they are, think twice and give them a break.

Oh, and for the record,  thank your lucky stars that YOU weren’t born a warthog, just sayin.


Happy Drunk St. Pats


Hi everybody, Happy St. Patties Day!!! Hope you are all enjoying yourselves on this  Festive Holiday, I KNOW I am!!!

I just wanted to share with all of you my love and best wishes for this great day for the Irish. YUP, I’m Irish. And, like a GOOD Irish girl, I am celebrating my hardest to get good and DRUNK!!!

Actually, I am already there, could you tell? Party on Irishmen and Lasses. Man, am I gonna have a hangover tomorrow. MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







The Dream of Love

Silently drifting, I dream of you.

I see your hands in my mind’s eye, and can feel their warmth, caressing every part of my soft and wanting body.

Your loving mouth excites me, as it tenderly kisses my lips, and then, runs down between my inner thighs until arriving at my garden’s center.

Kiss me till I explode from thy generous tongue.


I gaze deep within your eyes and see your love as you penetrate my soul.

I am asleep, yet, my subconscious mind forces my loins to become wet with thy overpowering command.

Take me to Nirvana my love,

I am yours, asleep, awake, or anytime you require me. I am a slave to your love.




Pain and Pleasure

It was 10:00 PM in Arizona, I had been reading sexual material, and I needed a sexual fix. I’d been good all week, well, except for my normal masturbation schedule, and I needed a little playtime. I dialed Olga’s number but  I had to leave a message. “Hi Olga, it’s Sooz, and I need a treatment.” Ten minutes later the phone rang, it was Olga. I could tell she had been drinking by her slightly slurred words and she said, “Hi Sooz, you need a treatment, huh, for you, my house is always open.”

“Thanks, Madame”, I said, and I got in my car and started to drive. It took me about an hour to get there winding around long deserted roads and a driveway that seemed to never end. I rang the doorbell which had one of those long rings, and the thick door opened with Olga dressed in her Madame costume.  She was wearing a leather outfit with an  Assless back, and also with her perfectly GORGEOUS TITS exposed, just right for touching.

She welcomed me with a sensuous kiss on the lips, and sure enough, as expected, she had been drinking. “I have a special night planned for you tonight Sooz, but, I need you to be drunk to fully enjoy it, what do you say?”

“Sure enough”, I said with a smile, “What spirits do you have?” “Whiskey with ice, or straight up, what will it be?” “Whiskey with ice, I said, and she poured me a tall one.” “So, why so late”, she asked as I downed the first drink and started another.

I explained to her that I had been good all week, and that I needed a little pain and pleasure action to round me out. “No problem, she said, finish your drink and I’ll fix you another.”

I hurriedly gulped that one down and started my third major drink within 40 minutes. I already had a good buzz on, but this drink went down in about 3 minutes, which threw me over the edge into the land of drunkdom.

Madame Olga led me to a special room, which she called the RED room. Inside was every piece of equipment you could ask, for S&M  sex. Across it, was a setup I needed to use. Olga led me to this contraption and told me to spread my legs wide as she bound them with heavy leather straps.

Then, she took my arms and again bound them wide so I had no rhythm of motion. Finally, she blindfolded me so I could see nothing. I waited as I heard her slap the riding crop hard  against the desk. The next thing I felt was the crop slapping against my ass, pain screamed within me, followed by Olga kissing my red buttocks, then licking it. OMG, I was in heaven.

My pussy was dripping wet with anticipation now as she took a long feather and stroked the insides of my sides with the feather and again kissed each thigh as slow as possible. My breasts were next. She bit them as if she was having dessert spreading pain throughout my body.

The soft suckling of them immediately afterwards, however, sent my senses into overload. I was VERY HORNY and I needed to CUM!!!

I begged her to finish me off, but again, she worked my ass like a pro and told me to shut up. Finally, what seemed like hours, came to an end as she placed her riding crop between my pussy and made me lick my own juices.

She kissed my lips gently and then continued all the way down to my steaming crotch. She put her tongue inside my vagina, all the while fingering the hole in my ass. I could take it no longer, I writhed in the darkness and exploded. Cum came flying out of me as I reached a Vaginal Orgasm and I spurted all over her floor. I was satisfied and exhausted. Olga took me down from my makeshift cross, kissed me, and handed me a strong whiskey.

We drank and talked the night away, and finally fell asleep in Olga’s bed. The next morning I showered, while Olga accompanied me, got dressed, thanked her for a lovely time and left, knowing that I would be back again soon.










The Government, Why Does it Act so Slow



    During the last year, there have been many senseless shootings. To me, this is an intolerable situation. Let me just say this, I am not against people carrying guns, I just believe the Government needs a better way to vet who they are selling them too.

    If we’re being honest, NOBODY except maybe law enforcement NEEDS to carry automatic weapons. Even then, I believe THAT is a stretch. I mean, HOW many bullets does it NEED to kill a man?

    The US Government waits, and waits, and waits, until there are several shootings BEFORE even considering changing the Laws about automatic weapons. This, to me, is absurd. The less automatic weapons out there the better.

    Just think, if the people who were buying guns were vetted properly, it may very well take the fear out of being involved in a major crime.

    Sure, will one get by now and then ; sure, but then again, MOST of those who will own guns will be law abiding citizens AND they would NOT be able to obtain automatic weapons.

    Most people who DO own firearms use them in responsible ways, such as target practice at the gun range, or for hunting. Congress is just afraid of the NRA to get in there and act, I say, to HELL with the NRA, change the laws before MORE innocent lives are lost.

    I say MAN up Congress, do the RIGHT thing for once, make America safe again. God Bless our people, and God Bless The United Stated of America.






Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I need to vent in your column if it’s OK with you. I am disabled and need a scooter to get around. I have been disabled most of my life and am used to being so. What I want to say is this, “People, Don’t park in the handicapped section unless you are handicapped.”

The other day I was at the grocery store, and there were no handicapped parking spaces available. Now, that is OK if all of the handicapped spaces are filled with folks that need the space.

Usually, however, many times these spaces are taken by lazy ass people who don’t give a damn except for themselves, you know who you are.

Please give people who need to be closer to the store a chance. Believe me, if I could walk, I would be glad to walk farther away if I could.

Appreciate the fact that you are well bodied and able to walk. I would give my wisdom tooth to be able to be fully mobile.

Also, when I am in a crowd, please give me the courtesy not to stand in the middle of an aisle when someone needs to get through. If you want to carry on a conversation, move to the side so that others can pass.

Please be courteous and think of others, and not just of yourselves. If you do this, we will all feel a lot better about it. Thank you.

Disabled Dorothy


Dear Disabled Dorothy:

That you for writing in, this has always been a pet peeve of mine too. I appreciate your candor.



Luscious, Succulent Sex

For those of you who may be wondering, I am in a VERY sexy mood this afternoon. I am thing about and picturing SEX. Yes, yes, I know that sex is about love and the relationship and all of that, but, there is ALSO sex as in LUST; the Hot, Sweaty, Horny, and Salacious sex, that’s what I’M talking about.

I am HORNY and I NEED SEX…NOW. I just finished reading a very sexy book and now I want to act out the character. Hey, don’t judge me, I am sure that there are a LOT of good folks just like me who right now, are wet as a river and want to jump on a nice pecker or twat.

OK, yes, I may have been drinking a “little” while I was reading, but, that doesn’t take away the cravings, it ONLY enhances them. My legs are spread wide, and my fingers just slipped underneath my G String. I am WET and I need to be pleasured.

There is no one around so I MUST take care of my OWN needs. Too bad a lot of my readers aren’t closer right now. See you all on the flip side…Ummmm, I just tasted myself….Yummy.


Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

Last night, my husband of 15 years came home drunk as a skunk and said he was out with the boys. Well, Sooz, if the boys were wearing perfume and lipstick, maybe. Perfume was all over his shirt, with an added bonus of lipstick on his collar.

I was extremely hurt, but also angry. I couldn’t talk with him then, as he was too drunk. The next day I asked him about it and he said that the waitress “accidently” got her lipstick on his collar as she was delivering the drinks. To me, this sounded like b**shirt!!!

We have been married for 15 years, some ups, and some downs, but this is the first time he has ever done something like this. I am really beside myself and could really use your help.

At my last straw


Dear at my last straw:

I KNOW this sounds bad, but, I would give him another chance. After all, it COULD have happened that way, (although I agree with you). Let him know how you feel and explain this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, THIS TIME, but if it repeats itself, kick his womanizing ass out. Remember, communication is the key here. Talk to him and see what’s under his craw that makes him act like this.

Talk first, act second…Good Luck.


Cupids Arrow

Love, forget me not, yet deliver me to thy glory.

I have placed thy pedestal upon my altar,

And  have offered my soul for thee to ponder.


I ask that you shoot me with thy sweet arrow of love,

And envelope me within thy tent of sweet emotion.

Let the bells of lust  play on amongst my loins,

And may the god of love remain within my soul always.



Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am writing for my boyfriend as he is too embarrassed to write. The problem is Sooz, he is a pre ejaculator. It seems every time we make love, within a minute, he shoots his load, turns over and falls asleep, leaving me frustrated.

I have heard this is a common problem and wanted to see if you could share some advice with me? We make love at least three times a week, so anything you’ve got to help would be greatly appreciated.

Frustrated Frau


Dear frustrated Frau:

You’re right, it IS a fairly common problem. You didn’t say how old he was which sometimes can make a difference. You’re in luck though, as I know a sure fire way to fix this. Here is what you do:

Take his penis and stroke it like you want him to cum, before he does, back off and let it deflate a bit. Then, repeat as before. Do this four or five times over a ten-fifteen minute period.

Try this daily for five consecutive days. Each time, extend the time before ejaculation by a minute or two. By the end of the week, he should be as right as rain, and YOU should be satisfied once again. Good Luck!