Just Ask Sooz

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am a 31 year old woman who as an embarrassing question to ask. My husband is older than I am by 15 years and he has started to have erectile dysfunction problems.

He is a very proud man and really doesn’t want to take Viagra on a regular basis. Our sex life was always great up until about 6 months ago when he started to have trouble.

His Dr. has prescribed the medication for him, but, he is very uneasy about taking it, saying he feels he should be able to satisfy me without drugs. I have told him time and time again that I love him and that as you age, sometimes these things just happen.

I am considering just slipping the medication into his orange juice or coffee so he doesn’t know that he is getting his erection from the little blue pill. What is your opinion on this?

Deflated ego

 

Dear deflated:

If your husband is only 46, there can be many things causing his deflated member. It could be due to prescription medications, stress, anxiety, over tiredness, or many other factors.

I suggest he go to a Urologist and have a thorough exam done. This will insure there are no physical reasons for his problem. If everything is OK, then, see if he will see a counselor who may be able to detect one of the other problems I was referring to earlier.

If all else fails, discuss it with him about how taking Viagra to get an erection is no big deal for you. Tell him that you love him and that you just want to have your normal sex life back. Good luck…

 

The Airplane Ride

Recently, while traveling to Seattle for a training session for some marketing executives, I thought about some of the funny things I saw happen on the plane. I don’t know, maybe I was just bored, but, I heard and observed some funny things, at least “to me”, when I was on the plane.

Realize that I fly a LOT so… All at once these things just hit my funny bone.

  • People entering the plane— Because I am usually one of the first ones on the plane, I have a chance to be a people watcher. Now here’s the thing, there are usually around 200 seats on the plane so EVERYONE has a chance to get a seat.

 

On comes a husband and wife, the plane is still nearly empty and they  stand right in the middle of the isle looking for the PERFECT seat. In the meantime, people are boarding the plane waiting and waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Perfect seat taker, to FIND their perfect seat.

 

Finally, the husband picks the perfect seat, and the wife, GETS him up saying no, “SHE DOESN’T WANNA SIT THERE”. IN the meantime, chaos is breaking out behind them as there is a line longer than the Equator waiting. Finally, they sit and now everyone is RUSHING to the back of the plane as if there is a gold fortune hidden inside the lavatory. Ay Carumba!!!

 

  • The preflight talk—This is THE funniest part of the plane ride. 200 people on board while the safety talk goes on and they are TOTALLY oblivious. Some are sleeping, some are reading, and some are using the safety cards as fans, NO ONE CARES.

My favorite is when they talk about the oxygen masks falling in the event of cabin pressure change. “Just hold them over your face and breathe NORMALLY”. SERIOUSLY???????????????? Yeah, maybe once you stop SCREAMING… In the meantime, people are just snoring away… Sometimes I think I would be the only person on board who survives because “I” know where the EMERGENCE EXITS and LIFE PRESERVERS are.

  • Exiting the plane—This is too hilarious. Once again, you have 200 people ALL trying to be the FIRST off the plane. You would think that the freakin’ plane had crashed by the way they IMMEDIATELY get up and RACE for the exit door. Sit a while people, what’s the damn rush? Can you imagine having a fire drill in the plane??? Ay Carumba…

The next time you’re on a plane notice these things and see if it doesn’t crack you up.

Until Later…

Crows and Trucks

https://sociallyuncensored.eu/attachments/crowa-jpg.24690/I just received this and thought I would put it on the wire so you would ALL know…

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “TRUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Amazing!

The Greedy Greeting Card Companies

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Do you remember when greeting cards were for Birthdays only? Now, it seems that due to immeasurable GREED, there is practically a holiday, special occasion, or a sentiment card that needs to be sent DAILY. What the HELL happened here???
I mean SWEETEST DAY…Come ON!!! OK, let’s be honest here, it was ORIGINALLY started with the candy company in order to increase business, BUT, the greeting card Co. took the lead and just ran with it.

Look, I like to be pampered and fussed over just like the next gal, BUT not on a frivolous made up holiday like that. Birthdays I can understand, anniversaries, OK, but WHERE does it end?
Just look at the “special occasion” cards they have out now:

Mother’s day
Father’s Day
Grandparent’s Day
Fourth of July
Sweetest Day
Secretary’s Day
Bosses’ Day (REALLY)???
Divorce Cards
Marriage Cards
New Year’s Cards
Pet Cards

The list goes on and on, what’s next:

Festival of Sleep Day
Peculiar People Day
Make Your Dreams Come True Day
National Hat Day
National Popcorn Day
National Hugging Day
Oh…How about National Kazoo Day

Yikes, is there no end? Now, I’m not against making money, after all it IS the core of our economic structure, I’m just saying let’s have a little dignity here people. Try and make the cards you have unique, that way, people will keep buying them for their creativity, NOT their quirkiness for made up Holidays.

This is just a personal opinion, but I will interject it because I CAN. Why not stop a lot of these drippy and stupid POEM cards? For me, it takes the sincerity out of the card. Why not replace it with heartfelt sentiment and NO rhyme?
OK, keep SOME rhymes, but not to the extent the greeting cards co’s. have them now. I believe that if they DID this, they would be well in the black, and there would be no NEED to make up ridiculous holidays. Just my opinion.

Why Women Make Better Assassins

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The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews

and testing were done, there were three

finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one

of the men to a large metal door and handed

him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your

instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

in a chair. Kill her.

The man said “You can’t be serious. I could

never shoot my wife”. The agent said, “Then

you are not the right man for this job.”

“Take your wife and go home”.

The second man was given the same

instructions. He took the gun and went into the

room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes,

“I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take

your wife and go home”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given

the same instructions: to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots

were heard one after another. They heard screaming,

crashing, and banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened

slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from

her brow.

“The gun was loaded with blanks” she said,

I had to KILL him with the chair…

Heartbreak

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Loss…

Sadness grips the heartstrings of fortitude, and weakens the core of faith.

Salt, poured in the wounds of love, diminishes ones resolve.

Despair, misery, and suffering accompany thy morning dreams.

 

Oh spirit of Love, strengthen my resolve, and grant me a renewal of thy blessing.

Make me an instrument of thy peace, and restore my spirit to thy ancient glory.

Refurbish my strength in mankind, and forever remain within my heart.

For this I ask, and for thy presence, I am humbly grateful.

Amen…

 

 

 

 

 

The IRS For Dummies

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Work, pay taxes, eat less; enjoy only SOME of the fruits of your labor, and yet, our roads are potholed, our bridges are crumbling, our schools are underfunded and our National Debt grows larger.

Sound familiar, it SHOULD. Each year the Federal Government collects Trillions of dollars from our wages with the promise that our tax dollars will solve all our problems. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My question is, WHERE IS IT GOING?????????????????????? Oh sure, SOME of the money goes to repair and build our infrastructure, fund schools, etc., BUT, with TRILLIONS of dollars collected, we should have NO roads potholed, schools fully funded, and The National Debt should be paid down. I ask again…WHERE IS OUR MONEY GOING?????

We, as taxpayers, are asked to complacently give the Government between 20 to 35 % of our hard working revenue in exchange for the promise of a better country. IT’S NOT HAPPENING!!!!!!!

Hell, we can’t even keep our medical costs down or our own Social Security from going BROKE. What the HELL happened here people? It’s time the Government be accountable to it’s PEOPLE. Show us dollar for dollar where our money is being spent, and WHY with the amount of taxes that are collected, 2.524 Trillion Dollars in 2012, we can’t have a better National Infrastructure and our National Debt paid down.

I for one pay the highest tax rate, which is OK since my income is high. I just want some accountability for it, THAT’S all… I don’t believe that is being unfair. Several times I have written the IRS with this accountability issue and they have “passed it on” to have other agencies to look into it, YEAH…RIGHT!!!

No…I’m NOT gonna stop paying my taxes or throw Tea into the Boston Harbor, I just believe that as hard working American citizens, we have the RIGHT to know how our money is being spent. Anyone else with me here? Let me know.

The Year That Was

As with most years, 2014 shared some ups and downs. Reeling from epidemic scares, tension in the World, loss of life from tragedies, and of course, on a Good note, Obama got another year closer to leaving office.
Let’s take a trip back in time and review our previous year.
·     December 14th…The deadly Ebola virus is in the news. A wide spread epidemic threatens millions as people quickly run to Walmart to buy surgical masks to put over their face. No one is shaking hands, people remain at least 20 feet away from each other during meetings, and a simple sneeze has people panicked and running to the Hospitals for a cure.

·     November 9th…ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Syria), has seized vast mounts of land from the Middle East and has plans on establishing an Islamic State spreading across the borders of Iraq and Syria. The US, and many Middle Eastern countries have banded together and have purchased high quality Ali Baba SWORDS to help fight this militant group. Hopefully, with those high quality swords and a few well chosen Arabic words, we can overcome those Infidels.

·     May 25th… The Ukraine and the Crimean Crisis…Crimean President Viktor Yanukovych decides it’s time for another World crisis when he abandons his previous deal with Europe. EVERYONE gets pissed and decides to puff out their chests like angry little monkeys. In the meantime…The World watches like quiet little mice.

·     March 8th…The Malaysia Airlines Disapearence…Flight MH370 just vanishes after its morning take-off. An hour into the flight, the plane just VANISHES like a trick from David Coperfield. After extensive search efforts, the plane was never found leaving 227 people from 14 Nations unaccounted for.

·     February 19th….Facebook makes largest acquisition and buys WhatsApp. The sale price was 19 Billion Bucks. 3 billion cash, 4 billion in restricted shares, and the rest in free internet service or life. J

·     November 12th…Rosetta spacecraft lands on a Comet. This was VERY EXCITING news….WHY???? I have no idea…

·     September 24th…MOM (Mars Orbiter Mission) completes its mission to Mars. This was a spacecraft from India, and BECAUSE it was from India, it deserved International Media attention. Good job India!!!                                                           

Of course, there were MANY more exciting things that happened, but, not that I can REMEMBER….Sooooooooooooooo…My wish for all of you is to FORGET 2014, and to start making this year the BEST year ever…
Happy New Year to ALL!!!!!!

10 Reasons NOT to Get Drunk On New Year’s Eve

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1. You can actually BLOW your noisemaker at Midnight.

2. You don’t have to worry about sending apology cards, and then, trying to remember WHO they go to…

3. You can actually REMEMBER who you were kissing or…(Whatever) At Midnight…

4. It’s nice waking up in a BED as opposed to the FLOOR…

5. You DON’T have to be the naked dessert table…

6 The new friend you’ve been talking to is NOT your toilet…

7. You use the restroom as opposed to your pants…

8. When you wake up the next morning, there is NO merry-Go-Round in your room.

9 Your date for New Year’s Eve actually calls you AGAIN!!!

10 Eggs and bacon taste great as oppose to a 6 shot and beer breakfast