Just Ask Sooz

Before I begin my Dear Sooz column, I must admit THIS letter really hit home. It made me more determined than ever to go and try to repair the damage I have done to my ex, Bella. It was actually painful for me to write a response, yet, ALL letters must be answered. I share this now with all of you.

Dear Sooz:

I, like you, have just lost the absolute love of my life. My boyfriends name was Johnn he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Like you Sooz, I met him abroad, he worked in a café in France as a waiter while I was visiting on Holiday.

I was hungry and wanted to sit and take in all the ambiance of the city, so, I decided to go to a nice café and get something to eat. Sooz, it was love at first sight, he asked me what I wanted with the sexiest French accent and I just melted.

When he returned with my meal, he noticed I was looking right through him, he commented how the sun paled in its beauty next to me. That was all she wrote, I blushed, got wet, and luckily, he asked me out.

We went out, walked along the Seine, held hands, and I instantly fell in love. He was loving, tender, and had such a deep strong voice, I felt almost slave like when he placed his glorious mouth on mine.

We dated for six months before that awful day. Johnn had asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes. I was never happier Sooz. We settled into a small apartment and things were going great until that one morning in June.

Birds were singing, and the usual sounds of hustle and bustle of the day filled the streets like music fills your ears. He had gone out early that day to surprise me with croissants and coffee before I got up.

 According to witness accounts, as he went to turn the corner to the local bakery, a car jumped the curb striking and killing my Johnn. I learned of the tragedy from a knock at my door. Two gendarmes appeared there to break the news, and as they did, I collapsed in their arms. My world ended that fateful day. I have cried at least once a day thinking of our beautiful love.

 Broken, I returned home to America and have tried to get on with my life, but, to no avail. I miss him, and shall never forget what we once rejoiced. My suggestion Sooz, get on that plane now, find Bella, and do whatever it takes to get her back. Life indeed is way too short to miss a life changing opportunity.

Molly

 

Dear Molly:

Tears fell like rain as I read your letter. What you had, seemed like the “REAL DEAL”. I THANK YOU for your letter, I am sorry for your loss, and I promise you, I WILL seek to regain the love I so quickly dismissed, God Bless You.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The World According to Sooz

In this day and age, you would think that people would be MORE tolerant to sexual roles, race, and creed. Still, we all fight these terrible injustices, WHY???

Do we all not bleed with the stick of a knife, do we all not feel hurt feelings when called a racial remark, or accused of being less than a Human being if we are not all heterosexual?

Just yesterday, I was merely walking down the street with a girlfriend and someone shouted out lesbians. That, while the remark was ignorant, STILL it struck me to the core.

I thought, THAT person doesn’t KNOW me, he doesn’t know my life, WHAT gives him the right to slur me this way? The entire day sent me into a “fuzzy” zone and made me question the Human race.

While I understand that people are “brought up” to hate certain groups of people, I would have thought by NOW, people would have changed. After all, there are so many OTHER things to worry about these days, including the destruction of life as we KNOW it, so WHY the detrimental comments then?

Am I being too sensitive? I don’t think so. The truth is, I LOVE my fellow man, yes, even the misinformed primordial man from yesterday. In my heart of hearts, I wish that man as a species would GROW UP and become aware.

No more wars, shared food across the world, and the beneficial goal of HELPING live peacefully and happily for ALL nations. Medical care for all, and a shared love for each other regardless of our Creed, Color, or Sexual preferences.

Let us work together as enlightened beings to MAKE this end goal an accomplishment. In doing so, you will have shown YOUR strength in this difficult resolve. May we ALL as one people COME together towards this end.

Thank you for reading and listening to me. Bless you all…

Sooz

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am a 25 year old woman who reads your column all the time. My problem is, for two years I have been going out with my boyfriend, he has been attentive, thoughtful, and is a great lover. Recently, he has been distant. I can’t put my finger on it, although recently, he has been a lot less interested in sex.

I enjoy making love with him and when he refuses me, it makes me feel unloved. This has been going on for about a month now. I don’t know how to address this without him getting angry, and or him just ignoring it.

If you could give me some insight I would really appreciate it.

Confused

 

Dear Confused:

While I have my suspicions, my guess would be he is seeing someone else. Ask him right out about why your lovemaking has diminished.

If he doesn’t have a great reason, then I would start looking for the tell tale signs; his phone, credit card receipts, him being on the internet more than usual,  secret phone calls, or late nights at work.

Sorry babe, this is how I see it. I HOPE I am wrong, but, more than likely I am NOT. Good luck and here’s hoping I’m wrong.

 

 

 

New Years Resolutions

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Well, it’s the new year again, time for those who make New Years Resolitions to start thinking about what you will change to make your life healthier and happier. Personally, I usually don’t make resolutions because usually I break them at 12:01AM on New Years Day.

This year, however, I have decided to make a few, JUST in case I might actually do a little changing. As unlikely as it seems, I actually MIGHT make a few changes. The following are MY resolutions:

  1. Stop Drinking—Yeah, like THAT is gonna happen. After 40 something years, I have had an off again, on again, love with alcohol. While I agree it would be beneficial for my health, I have always had a defeatist attitude towards this one. I WILL give it a try however, and if I fail, screw it, I will never make this one again.

 

  1. Get Healthy—Since I am already in tip top condition, I guess I will try to eat less. Hmmmm, maybe I will substitute WINE instead of food, oh no, wait, that goes against resolution number 1. Damn!!!

 

  1. Pick Up a Useful Skill or Hobby—I know, how about adding a six pack? I WAS talking about my Abbs, but now that I think about it, that DOES sound GOOD, (Licks lips sexily)

 

  1. Take a Trip—This year, I will plan a trip to Europe, I went last year and met the love of my life. I decided to release her because I felt she was encouraging me to continuing my alcoholism. I will look her up and see if I can get her back. If I become re-addicted to alcohol, it may be worth it to regain my forever love. Time will tell.

 

If you have made any resolutions, good for you. I wish you all the fortitude to stick with, and fulfill your goals. For all of you, may you see a successful and happy new year. Muah!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

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Today is Christmas, a beautiful time of the year for many, and for others, a time of strife. I wish ALL of you from the bottom of my heart, a happy and joyous Christmas.

For those who still suffer under mans cruelty, I shall pray for you, and in my heart, I KNOW that soon things will change for the better in your lives.

No matter what your suffering, may our Savior fill your hearts, and may your lives be filled with the spirit of Christ’s joy. God Bless you all, today, and throughout your lives.

May the peace of Christ be with you all…

Merry Christmas…

Sooz

 

 

 

 

Speed Demon Sooz

When I was a young girl, I always thought I would grow up to be a Princess. However, in order to DO that, it required marrying a Prince. The problem was, there weren’t too many princes around my neighborhood.

Finally, with chin held high, I had to drop down to my second dream, becoming a race car driver. I always LOVED the sound of a Hemi when she was revving, the smell of the tires screeching out, as the neighborhood boys would continuiously do to impress us girls, and of course…”The Need for SPEED”.

Now, I KNOW what you’re thinking, “Sooz, THAT’S a BOY dream, you should have played with Barbies and done crafts”. Gag me with a spoon… Actually, I was a Tomboy, still am, and I have always wanted to drive a formula one race car.

Tomorrow, I get a chance to actualize THAT dream. A friend of mine who works at the track, called and invited me to come down, watch him drive, and then take over the reigns for a few trips around the track. I was soooo excited, I almost Orgasmed right there in my pants.

Just think of it, ME in a Formula One, Helmut on, Track Suit on, (Which by the way I will look Mah-vel-ous in), flying around the track. OMG, I almost CAME again. I can’t wait until tomorrow.

I will let all of you know about my experience once I complete the task. Wish me luck.   I am going to picture myself in an actual race, which OF COURSE, I will win. Hey, I can dream, can’t I?

Until tomorrow…

 

 

Christmas Past

Hi everyone. I hope your day is going as well as mine. I am curled up by the fireplace that I hardly ever use, with of course my favorite bottle of Vodka with cranberry.

I am actually a bit pensive today, just dreaming about some of my best Christmas experiences. I remember one Christmas Eve, I must have been about 5, our home was decorated to the nines, as my Daddy did so love Christmas, and the smell that came from our kitchen as Mom was making our Christmas dinner was AMAZING.

My dad was the most loving, and kind man on Earth. That year, he had called down to the City Mission, and invited all the homeless to visit US for a wonderful Christmas dinner.

Seriously, he did. One by one, there would be a knock at the door, and our home would quickly come alive with the wanton of our Society. Mom had prepared an amazing repast, Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casseroles, freshly baked rolls, and of course a HUGE Figgy Pudding for dessert. OH MY!!!

I remember my daddy greeting the less fortunate at the door like they were all FAMILY, and he welcomed them ALL into our home. He would play Xmas songs on the piano while everyone would join in and sing. Good times.

People would eat and eat as my mom quickly replenished the food for everyone. Memories like this filled my soul full of joy, and they have transformed ME into a better Human being.

Oh sure, I still have my faults, but I ALWAYS remember the poor, and how happy they were, at least for a night when they regained their love for each other. To this day, I go to the mission, and invite the downtrodden for dinner. They are indeed the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

Sorry, I seemed to have rambled on a bit here, I do that after tipping a few pops. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed my Christmas past, and I urge you all to at least say a prayer this Holiday Season for those who are less fortunate than you. Believe me, you will be blessed 7 Times 7.

Good night, Happy Hanukkah, a very Merry Xmas to all.

 

 

 

Holiday Cheer

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Today is Wednesday, only five more days until Xmas and I have everything in order. Yup, tree up, decorations done, Christmas cookies done, bottle in hand and all is RIGHT with the world.

I hope all of you are celebrating the Holidays with your loved ones, and that each and every one of you is filled with Holiday Peace and Happiness. I love this time of year, we all come together as one, and spread love and harmony throughout the world.

 Sure, I’m inebriated, but none the less, I meant what I said. Each and every one of you are like family to me. You pick me up when I’m down, and you share in all my joys. Do you know what the best thing I love about all of you is though, you never JUDGE me. I am who I am, and STILL, you continue to read me. God Bless You!!!

So, to ALL of you who read me, and especially to those who comment on what I write, May I wish you the Happiest of Holidays, and may you continue to prosper now, and throughout your years.

All my Best…

Sooz

Rejection letter-Charles Dickens

Dear Mr. Dickens:

We are in receipt of your book, A Christmas Carol, and after closely reading your novella, I am afraid we must decline publishing your story.

Said reasons for not publishing are as follows:

Christmas is supposed to be a HAPPY TIME, and your Scrooge character is undoubtedly the WORST Human being who ever set foot on the planet. I must admit, he scared the living be-Jesus out of me when he started talking about debtors prisons.

I know what you’re going to say, he transforms himself LITTERALY overnight with the help of three spirits, REALLY??? As IF that could remotely be possible. It just isn’t believable.

Now, let’s talk about the three ghosts, they also scared me half to death, and I am WELL over thirty. Just think about how a child will react to this book, Hell, they will never sleep AGAIN. Especially the NON speaking Spector, this one chilled me to the bone.

I must say Mr. Dickens, while it was a fast read, I am afraid that the language you used, and the picture you paint regarding Tiny Tim was very disconcerting. Indeed, I hope that going forward, you formulate a better AND more BELIEVABLE story line.

If you wish to revisit and edit your book, we will be more than happy to take another look. Certainly we wish you every success, and perhaps do business with you in the future, Good day sir.

Bullshit, Bullshit, and Bullshit Publishers

 

 

The Great Light Fight Debate

Hi everyone. If you’re like me, you are enjoying all the joys of the Holiday season. If NOT, what’s your problem Mr. Grinch? Anyway, I came here today because I’ve been watching The Great Light Fight on Television.

For those of you who either live in a closet, or, don’t watch TV, it’s a show about who can decorate their houses the most gaudy, and fill up their ENTIRE property line full of lights, blow up figures, and mind boggling displays to music.

People who are expert judges, (Celebrities), come to see which house can make their electric meter move the fastest for the longest length of time. If you are declared the winner, you get 50,000 dollars AND, the best part, a Christmas Ornament that lights up with the old style Christmas bulbs.

My question…WHY??? Look, I am all for lighting your home for the Holidays, BUT, some of these people start in October to have their display done for Xmas. Again…WHY???

Some of the participants have as many as 2 acres to light, and by golly, they DO. I don’t know how you guys feel about this, but I just think it is Cray Cray. I mean, WHO has TIME to do all of this work? Fifty foot lit Xmas trees, merry go rounds, Ferris Wheels, and a Santa’s Workshop, (All home made), with the REAL SANTA working inside. OK, I MAY have lied about the real Santa, but, everything else was true.

Are they nice? Yes, but in my opinion, they lean towards the GAUDY. I mean WHO NEEDS all of that? Is it worth it for 50K and a 12.00 dollar trophy ornament? Not to me. So, that begs the question, why do people go through all this effort for such a SHORT period of time?

On TV, it’s because they are carrying on the work of their parents, or their wife who just passed. Is this for REAL, or is it just good Television? I’ll let you folks decide. Write me and let me know what YOU think. In the mean time, I guess I better go out and buy a few more lights.

Until Later…