Recently I decided to try internet dating (Ohhhhh Boy). The thing is, I work a lot and don’t usually have the time for OLD FASHIONED DATING; you know, going to a seedy bar, getting rambling drunk and then waking up in someone Else’s bed and pregnant. OK, in all fairness, it doesn’t have to be a seedy bar.
Anyway, I answered all the questions asked to match you with Prince Charming then waited for a response. Within a day I had 42 inquires from my profile. I thought DAMN, this internet thing is great, why didn’t I do this before?
Then, I found out WHY. People LIE!!! Ya really, I’m not kidding. When I did MY profile, I answered everything honestly, I provided an actual picture of myself, and expected my perspective Prince to do the same. Boy, I had no idea what I was getting into.
Over a couple of months I must have agreed to go out with 3 or 4 Princes. Well, let me tell you, almost every Adonis looking picture on line turned out to be either Short, Bald, or down right Ugly. Now, I’m not a woman who goes just for physical attraction, BUT, DAMN, at LEAST have a personality.
One guy bored me to tears, literally, he talked about the benefits of internal design capabilities for 2 hours…..WHAT?????? I mean I love talking about internal design capabilities as well as the next girl but COME ON……Just SHOOT me now. Finally, I explained that I was coming down with a slight case of Bubonic Plague and needed to go.
Another Prince took me to a fast food type restaurant for dinner and then to some GUY flick with car chases, killing, and lots of sex. I actually didn’t mind the sex parts. 🙂 After that he started talking to me a lot about well….you know, sleeping with me. He asked me if I used protection and I told him YOU BETCHA, I carry a 44 Magnum in my purse and if he even TRIED to touch me, I’d blow MR. WEE WEE into a million LITTLE wee wees. That date wasn’t going anywhere either. When he took me home and tried to give me a goodnight kiss, I pushed him away saying that there was a lot of garlic on those cheese fries and I just didn’t feel right about kissing garlic breath….Geeeeeez.
My last date took me to a bar and he ordered drinks. He said he didn’t drink and drive so I shouldn’t worry. He ordered 5 or 6 rounds more. I was feelin’ REAL good and he was really drunk too. I got bold (from my liquid courage) and I asked him, “I thought you said you don’t drink and drive”, he replied by saying ” I don’t, I only drink IN the bar”, so technically he doesn’t drink WHILE driving. I was scared to death so I told him so and staggered off to a cab to take me home.
Now….Is it ME or is Internet dating for the birds? I think I’m just going back to The Old Fashioned Method. Talk to you all later…..
Until next time.