If You Smelt It…You Dealt It

I wanna talk about something that is near and dear to my heart, well, more precisely, closer to my booty.  OK, it actually comes out of my booty. NO SILLY, I’m not talking about THAT, I’m talking about breaking wind, passing the gas station, tooting, oh HELL….I’m talking about FARTS!!!!!!!!

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The main known offenders of this heinous act are men. Now, I’m not saying that us gentle female types can’t occasionally knock one out of the park, butt (no pun intended…OK, I did intend it ), this loud noised , and horrifically pungent smelling deed is usually the work of men.

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Now I ask you, why is that? Why is it that men actually have farting CONTESTS to see who can rip one the loudest, or who can create the biggest stench? Not only that, they actually think that this type of behavior is funny…WTF!!!!! Is it me, my gender, or is there something seriously wrong with the male species?

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Men, come on, IT’S NOT FUNNY. It’s disgusting. I was on a bus the other day and a man sitting next to me let one go with a large  “aromatic ” intensity that just about sent the entire bus into wishing they had brought their gas masks. He just looked at me and SMILED, HE SMILED, like it was the funniest thing in the world. I didn’t even get an excuse me, or,  I’m sorry I wiped out three fifths of the bus..

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OK, one more thing, if you do happen to let one go, at least own it. Don’t just sit there squirming in your seat or look suspiciously at someone else hoping that people will think that someone else did it. WE KNOW IT WAS YOU BOZO, we could see it from the guilty look on your ass (assuming I was looking at his ass which I wasn’t )……blushes…..

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Well, at least I got that off my ass, I mean my chest. Next time, I’ll discuss mens pissing contests, one of my favorite subjects. Until next time then.

P.S. No angry letters guys, this was only written in fun..

Until Later…

 

15 thoughts on “If You Smelt It…You Dealt It

  1. Pingback: If You Smelt It…You Dealt It | beginingsinwriting

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