The Wedding Slut

You’ve all been there and you’ve all seen me, (I mean HER), she comes up out of nowhere and does EVERYTHING she can to steal your significant other. Man, Woman, it really doesn’t matter to the wedding Slut, all’s fair in love and when you’re at a wedding.

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                        Come ON boys…OR Pole…DANCE with me!!!

A Wedding slut is CALLED that, because well, she IS a drunk, philandering, partner stealing WHORE.  There, was That too strong of a statement??? Hey…I’ve been to a LOT of weddings and EVERY wedding, (Unless it’s DRY, Has one).

They’re usually single, drink WAY too much, and try and get laid with basically ANYONE who will pay them ANY attention. I KNOW this, ‘cause well, I’ve BEEN the wedding slut on SEVERAL different occasions. It’s not that I WANTED to be deemed with this prestigious honor, it’s just that SOMEBODY has to play the part and I, (for some unknown reason), happen to be GOOD at it.

Now, does this mean I’m a slut in everyday life…Of course NOT, (Looks the other way), it just HAPPENS to be mainly at weddings. I REALLY think this is WHY I get invited to so many weddings. I mean, EVERY wedding NEEDS a wedding slut and SOMEHOW, I just seem to fit the bill… It’s actually gotten to the point where I’ve been thinking to PROMOTE myself as a FREELANCE wedding slut for a few extra bucks. I mean, it’s ALWAYS good to have a SIDE job right, just in case the 9-5er doesn’t work out.

OK…At THIS point in the blog you’re thinking’…Man…WHY would Sue write something like this exposing herself as a wedding slut? The answer is simple… Its pure and simple marketing folks, if you want or NEED a wedding slut at YOUR wedding, I’m your gal. Just give me a call at 1-800- Wedding Slut today and I can BE at your wedding.

Money back guaranteed folks, I will be GLAD to get way WASTED, and cavort with EVERY guest at the wedding in order to draw the attention away from you. Just call me today, again the number is 1-800- Wedding Slut and I will BE there for you in your time of need. Call Today!!!

Until Later…

16 thoughts on “The Wedding Slut

  1. Ahahaha. Well your in fine company. I have referred to myself as the “slutty bridesmaid” in a few of my own blog posts… I don’t go after other peoples’ dates though. I think it just happens because there’s liquor flowing and about 80% of the guests, my friends, people on the planet are coupled up… If you just so happen to be all dolled up, tipsy and scope a fellow attractive enough singleton you are bound to connect. It’s practically scientifically impossible for it NOT to happen! But um yah I’ve def started to gain a bit of a reputation..
    (especially when you’re in the wedding party and disappear for a large chunk of time to bang some hottie you just met and miss the group photo op…Yeaaa…)

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    • You and dreamshadow were my favourite people at weddings before I found my wife. I even learnt that you could ensure coherency could be achieved if you made it obvious you were going home with them… Combine the Bridesmaid and guest… you get a quickie at the reception and a lay that night…

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      • If someone offers you a drink, you take it. When another offers a drink later you take it too. Never waste an opportunity of life was my motto. Now It’s, ‘Family First’. Amazing what a few years, marriage and kidlets will do to a bloke…

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      • Yea, but sometimes you have too many drinks and you end up with your head in the toilet wishing you hadn’t had that last shot of tequila…thats my Public Health metaphor for- being a man whore can get you in trouble!

        however, seemed to work out for you! and now you got the wife and kids….kinda got the treasured life. had your cake and eating it too!

        (oh and fyi i was recently a bridesmaid..again, and remained slut free! it’s all about mindset and opportunity…and how demanding the bride is! woman can keep a bridesmaid busy!)

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      • Know your drinks, test under uv… Wear protection, frequent blood tests… And by god, learn to duck angry boyfriend fists…

        Aye, I worked hard for my silver platter…

        (There wasn’t any good looking guys there, was there?)

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      • LOL. Check, check and had an HIV test yesterday, tomorrow I get results…I get them like compulsively.

        Honestly, I really wasn’t paying attention. Friend married Italian, fresh off the boat, none of the groomsmen spoke english, I didn’t really “check anyone out”. I live in SF, all my friends are in NY, I was kinda focused on mingling w friends I hadn’t seen in a while.

        That and eating lobster tails. YES there were lobster tails for the cocktail hour. BALLER wedding! If i’d been approached or someone had caught my eye…well it was my womans time anyhow, so, yah.

        Next wedding is in a year, ill have to wait till then to put on my slutty bridesmaids dress again 🙂

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  2. Pingback: About Alex, the one who got away: A Primer « I am an Afterschool Special

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