For those of you who may NOT know, I’ve been off for quite a while with a broken ankle. By the way, I HEARD that comment about “She’s OFF ALRIGHT…” Anyway, my point is, there really hasn’t been much for me to do lately except watch TV and Drink.
Now when I drink, I SOMETIMES, (OK ALWAYS), have a tendency to OVER DO it. By the way, I am a VERY happy drunk. I will sing, dance, (Well, not now), laugh, and just generally be the life of the party.
The problem IS…I also seem to have a tendency to become VERY loveable and I LOVE to do me some DRUNK TEXTING.
Now, WHO can I text tonight that I won’t REMEMBER texting tomorrow
Here’s a few NON MEMORABLE comments I made while drunk texting:
ALEX: I just wanted you to know…THE RABBIT DIED…No you asshole, I don’t HAVE a pet rabbit.
Marci: I had a great time last night, did I leave my WHIP there?
TONY: When I said, “Your mother wears Army boots, AND they’re 2 sizes to small”, I meant that your mother is an asshole.
Jen: Just because I tied one on last night DOESN’T mean that I’m easy or you can sleep with me. Unless of course you WANNA sleep with me.
Jason: When I said I would give you a BLOW JOB I meant I would help you blow out the CANDLES on your cake. Anything ELSE will cost ya 500.00. Hehehehehe.
Mary: Sorry I couldn’t make the 3 way you planned for Tuesday but I was already booked into a 4 way at Asters house.
Bob: Yes my boobs are a 36D, just so long as your Dingleberry is 10” long as PROMISED.
Cynthia: No Cyn. I DIDN’T say I’m coming DOWN with something, I said, “I’m just coming DOWN…”
Rich: You were SERIOUS about shivering my TIMBERS!!! Ohhhh RICHARD!!! …SMILES DEVILISHLY…
The CLUE here is… When you drink, Don’t drive, but DON’T EVER Text. It’s just not worth the embarrassment later… TRUST ME!!!