Will the REAL Barbie Doll Please Stand Up



I was on E Bay the other night just passing the time, and I noticed that someone was selling a “vintage” Barbie Doll for a 1000.00 bucks. WTF???? What is a “vintage” Barbie Doll anyway? I mean it’s a doll made out of freakin’ plastic….NOT GOLD!!!! Anyway, this got me to thinking….So… WATCH OUT Barbie….

I had a Barbie Doll when I was younger,…(last year), BUT…with as many of them that were made, in 75 colors, 6 different faces, and various arm and leg movements, WHY didn’t they make them more like REAL people? I mean they have sold more Barbie Dolls than McDonald’s hamburgers. Would it have killed them to make some Barbies with more REALISTIC traits?

Here are just a few examples:

* Vintage Barbie Dolls
* Mod Barbie Dolls
* Malibu Barbie
* Superstar Barbie
* Black Barbie
* Mackie Barbie
* Holiday Barbie

Now remember, in EACH of just these categories, there are GAZILLIONS of other styles, themes, clothes etc…BUT….They ALL look beautiful,(with measurements of 33-19-33, (which only a porn star could have), and they ALL have wonderful….Well…Barbie Doll lives. WTF???

I say, let’s make them more real, RIGHT? Come on…Who’s with me??? First of all, there are very few women IF ANY who have those kind of measurements….HELL, if she did, I’D do her myself, just sayin’.

Secondly, fairy tale lives, what is Mattel selling to our kids, let’s make it more like the REAL world. I wanna see these themes,(real life), themes for Barbie. They include:

* Drunk and Slutty Barbie

 In this theme, when she goes out with Midge, PJ, Stacey, and Christie,(her other doll friends), she gets totally wasted and comes home to her boyfriend Ken, and rips off his clothes for drunken skankey sex.

* Bitchy Barbie

This would be MY favorite as I believe it depicts ALL of us at certain times. You KNOW what I’m talkin’ about here girls. Ken just turns his head from the TV to look at her and she says: “ What are YOU starin’ at Jerkwad” ?

* What Ever Barbie

Another good one depicting REAL life. When Ken says something she disagrees with, ( Basically EVERYTHING), she just says…”What Ever”, OR “Talk to the hand”.

* Psychopath Barbie

This Barbie lacks the ability to form empathy or TRUE Human relationships. Also known as SERIAL KILLER Barbie, she goes around searching for other dolls to kidnap, exploit them, and then leave them for dead. Couldn’t resist, just HAD to put this one in here…Sooooo, what does THAT say about ME??? Hmmmmm…

* Menopausal Barbie*

This Barbie is all OVER the place, has severe mood swings, moans, has cramps , and is just generally Bitchy…Well…Just like Bitchy Barbie.

*Biker Barbie*

This Barbie likes to smoke, drink like a fish, and have sex at the drop of a hat with ANYONE who wears a Leather Jacket. No wait…I’m sorry, That’s ME, not Barbie…

There are MANY, MANY more themes I could have picked showing more Human characteristics, THESE traits are more real and our kids will learn them anyway…Well…maybe NOT Psychopath Barbie. I’m just sayin’, without more real life characteristics, they would otherwise just be beautiful dolls…And how fun would THAT be???

What real life characteristics would you give YOUR Barbie? Be creative, let me know, I would love to read them all. Talk to you all later.

Until Later…



11 thoughts on “Will the REAL Barbie Doll Please Stand Up

  1. Teen Mom Barbie, Alternative Lifestyle Barbie, “Backdoor” Barbie, Deep Throat Barbie, Porn Star Barbie, Stripper Barbie, Kama Sutra Barbie, Customer Service Barbie, WNBA Barbie(kind of like Alt Lif Barbie, but different, you know?), and lastly, Gold Digger Barbie. I might have missed a few, hope you like them. I didn’t mention Ken, since he is already Alternative Lifestyle Ken….. 😀


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