Things Women Lie About

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I have found that over the years, women as a species MAY have a tendency to LIE!!!
NOW…No way am I saying that ALL women lie or are VAGUE…Oh Hell…YES I am.

We, as women are given certain inalienable rights bestowed upon us by God, Allah, Jehovah, The great Spirit, and, or any other deity out there, NOT counting Satan, (As he is just a big booger face).

For example…If you looked on my drivers license REAL close… You would see that I was born in 1993…making me, lets see….Add two, carry the four, divide by 3, and subtract 6…18…Wait…That can’t be right…Ohhhhh….It’s 1978…Didn’t have glasses on…So I am appearing to be 33…A MUCH better number. I’m just sayin’ that SOMETIMES… birth certificates might just be WRONG (With a little help from your favorite computer), OR… 200.00 bucks to some guy named SKEETER.

Another thing we may not be as truthful as we should be is with our weight. For example…I have weighed 110 lbs since I was 9 years old…BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Does this sound familiar girls??? I mean why should we tell ANYONE what our weight is anyway??? Who cares, it’s nobody’s business but OURS.

Damn those Dr’s scales anyway…They always LIE and say that I am actually heavier than I really am. Why can’t they just take MY word for it anyway? It’s the LEAST they could do at the exorbitant prices I’m paying them. “Oh hello Sue…I see your weight is STILL 110, good for you dear”. Hey…At errr, ah, 33…and 110lbs, I am in GREAT shape, just ask ME!!!

The third and probably the biggest thing we lie about is our feelings. WE… are GREAT actresses. Many times we will just hide within ourselves rather than just come out swinging. Here’s a perfect example:

Your man comes home drunk one night and you are so pissed off you just wanna bend him over your knee and put a screwdriver up his *SS. Notice how I held my feelings in there by putting a star where the A should have gone??? He asks: What’s Wrong” ? You just say: “Oh nothing”… (Which really means if you ever do this again, I’ll hog tie your drunken ass to the bed and pour scalding water all over ya). Was that a good example girls? Or…How about when he’s watching football and you want him to come to the store with you so you can buy some shoes. He says the game will be over in just 5 minutes, BUT… It goes on… and on… and on…I know you’re frustrated as hell, but, what I’ve learned is to ask him how many FOOTBALL minutes it will be…

That way, you’ll be able to figure out your ACTUAL wait time…And… How EXPENSIVE your shoes can be.  😉

Until Later…

11 thoughts on “Things Women Lie About

  1. Booooooooo. Just go to the store by yourself. Buy what you like, it is worth it to have peace and quiet during the game. My wife finally learned that. And it is soooo nice to watch the game in silence…….. 😀

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