OMG!!! There are soooooo many things that I am going to Hell for that I’ve already reserved a six bedroom condo there with A/C. Unfortunately for me…I was informed that it DOESN’T come with A/C, only a fireplace.
It all started when I was a child(sounds like I’m on the therapists couch now doesn’t it), when I stole my neighbors bike. I was about 8 at the time but darn it, her bike looked a lot prettier and faster than my used and broken down Swift Arrow. I mean it was just sitting there outside where everyone could see it.
I admit I BORROWED the bike and took it for a spin, but I was caught before I got to return it. Damn parents anyway. After that incident, I couldn’t ride a bike for a good couple of days from the soreness of my behind after a good spanking.
This was my first egregious mistake. From there, I went right on down the path of Hellishness. At 10, I copied from a fellow student on a test. Again, I was caught and was sent to the principal’s office where my mother was called in for a conference. What is it with “THE MAN” and this punishment stuff anyway???
At 17, I had my first sexual experience with a boy,(I call it an experience ‘cause he didn’t really know what he was doing), and then worried for the next month whether or not I was pregnant. Phewwwwwwwwww….Big relief, NO.
Then came the real doozies, not refilling the copy paper at work after I used the last sheet, keeping pens and pencils I “found” laying around, and NOT cleaning out the microwave after I heated up my spaghetti and meatball lunch. Hey…what was I a MAID???
Then came the drinkin’, the carousing, and fulfillment of all my sexual fantasies, (not that I HAD that many), but I knew I was goin’ down for using the whips and chains. It was just that the leather clothing just looked SOOOO great on me.
There are a few more items that are Hell worthy that I never talk about as I don’t know if the NSA will be reading this. Soooooo, let’s hear about the reasons why YOU think you my be going to the “warm farm”. Hell, who knows…maybe we’ll have adjoining condos.