Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I need your help. My boyfriend has a very annoying habit. Every time after he eats he purposely Belches as loud as he can. He believes this is funny and continues this disgusting behavior even though I have told him I find it childish. In every other way he is a good boyfriend, how can I BREAK him of this annoying habit.

Belching Baby

Dear Belching:

This is very common with emotionally immature men. Here is what you do. The next time, and EVERY TIME he belches, Rip off a really disgusting Fart.

 Make sure you eat lots of broccoli. This will produce an extremely noxious odor that will be very hard for him to be around. As you expel this gas, you LAUGH loudly. See how HE likes it. If he has ANY sense of smell at all, this should help cure him of his disgusting habit.

IF for some reason he continues to be immature, scare the HELL out of him by telling him that your PREGNANT. After he regains consciousness, LAUGH and tell him you were only kidding. This should help him GROW up and stop this behavior going forward.

Dear Sooz:

I have kind of a STRANGE problem. When my girlfriend and I make love, she NEVER makes any noise when she comes. This is a little disconcerting for me. I BELIEVE I am a good lover yet she never seems to be experiencing the joys of passion as I do. She SAYS that she enjoys it and that she DOES experience orgasm, but, I would just like to feel PART of her experience. What should I do?

Perplexed Pussy

Dear Perplexed:

Everybody experiences their pleasure differently. She just happens to be the demure silent type. Not EVERYONE can experience the Fourth of July Fire Cracker Explosions as I do. As I see it there are two possible things you can do.

* Try different positions–Sometimes the USUAL BORING way doesn’t always excite some folks. Try hanging her upside down while swinging like a monkey while doing it. This should increase the blood supply to her VITAL organs which in turn may help stimulate her.

* Accept her as she is–Tell her you love her no matter WHAT a terrible LAY she is and go about your business.

If either one of these things doesn’t help, the problem lies with YOU. You are just a terrible LAY. Get some books and or some sex counseling. Study up and like the teachers say…”Practice Makes Perfect.” Good Luck…

Until Later…

7 thoughts on “Just Ask Sooz

  1. I dated a girl like that once. Like bouncing on a dead fish. I stopped midway through, got up, got dressed and went back to the party. Papi likes ’em loud….. 😀 I just have to have that “audience cheering” effect, you know?

    Like

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