Dasher Disses Rudolph


I’m here today at the North Pole talking to one of Santa’s Reindeer, Dasher. He is dishing some pretty juicy stuff here about our famous Red Nosed Reindeer. Listen up…


Me:      So Dasher, thanks for agreeing to give this interview, I KNOW it’s the Christmas Season and everyone is busy.

Dasher:  Oh that’s OK, I was just finishing up one of my Reindeer games.

Me:      So tell me, just WHAT in Heaven’s name do you do at these Reindeer games anyway?

Dasher:  Well, Sooz, of course we practice flying, but usually we just sit around and play Pin the Tail on the Reindeer or play Monopoly.

Me:       Really…Do you guys let Rudolph play? I mean the SONG says you never let him play in any Reindeer games.

Dasher:   We USED to, but honestly he is a male Prema Donna. Just because he has a freakin’ red nose and Santa lets him guide the sleigh, he has a head SO BIG, he can’t get it through the doorway.

Me:       You mean he is egotistical?

Dasher:   Egotistical is an UNDERSTATEMENT!!! He is so full of himself he believes the Earth revolves around HIM. If he is losing, he gets all like “You guys are all cheaters” on us.

Me:       No WONDER you don’t let him play.

Dasher:   Let me tell you something else just between US and the internet OK?

Me:       OK.

Dasher:   You know WHY his nose is so red that it glows?

Me:       Ah…It’s magical?

Dasher:    NO…It’s because he DRINKS like a fish. The song doesn’t TALK about THAT though does it? His nose might light the way, but he is usually so drunk the rest of us have to over compensate flying just to keep us on course.

Me:        Wow!!! That’s something the general public doesn’t know. No WONDER it never made it in the song.

Dasher:    Damn straight Sooz. Let me tell you something else the general public doesn’t know either.

Me:         What’s that?

Dasher:     He doesn’t even WANT to work as a Reindeer. He wants to go help that Elf Herby from the Rudolph Movie. Herby is now a dentist, and Rudolph wants to be his dental hygienist.

Me:          Really???

Dasher:     Yup…We’re workin’ up a new computerized lighting system on the sleigh so we don’t NEED that old drunken Reindeer anymore. We should be all ready to go by THIS Xmas.

Me:         Interesting…Well, have a nice Christmas Dasher and thank you for talking with me.

Dasher:     No problem Sooz. You have a nice Christmas also. I think Santa has something special for you this year. Wink!!!


Footnote: I KNOW I should have put quotation marks around all the talking parts, I just didn’t wanna. Deal With It… 🙂

Until Later…


6 thoughts on “Dasher Disses Rudolph

  1. Haha Sooz! Thank you for the jolly way you broke the news to us about Rudolph’s drinking problem. He’s been the elephant in the Claus’s living room for far too long. I admire your courageousness! (I also admire the way you threw caution to the wind when it came the rules of punctuation. It’s time someone stood up to the tyranny of punctuation and you’re just the person to do it Sooz!! )


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