Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

My boyfriend is a warm, caring, and loving man who loves me to pieces…LITERALLY!!! I mean this guy just wears me OUT sexually. I’m saying that he has the sex drive of a rabbit in CONSTANT heat. I love my boyfriend but he is wearing me the hell out. I just can’t seem to keep up with his HUGE sexual appetite. I can’t get ANY sleep. What should I do?

Worn Out In Wisconsin

 

Dear Worn Out:

I understand COMPLETELY how your boyfriend feels. I myself am a certified Nymphomaniac and have worn out SEVERAL men. Try this. Sit him down one night after a nice meal and explain to him that he is ripping the bejesus out of your Va Jay Jay. Tell him that you love him but could he PLEASE take Mr. Happy into his OWN hands for a while. Tell him that if NOT, he can carry the BAGS under your eyes to the Dr.

If he is the warm and caring man that you describe, he will be playing the SKIN FLUTE in the bathroom for a while and let you get some needed sleep. If this doesn’t work, give him MY number and I am sure that I can BREAK him FOR you. I hope that this helps. Now, get some sleep.

 

Dear Sooz:

My girlfriend and I are in a committed Lesbian relationship. She is everything to me and I to her. Here is the problem. She likes to EAT in bed and I’m NOT talking about ME. Cookies, cupcakes, crackers, you name it; it’s been in our bed. It seems like every time we make love, I am ALWAYS rolling over her leftover crumbs. I know for many this may be a minor problem, but I have VERY sensitive skin and it REALLY bothers me. I am AFRAID to tell her for fear of causing an incident. What would you suggest?

Crumbs in Kansas

 

Dear Crumbs:

OK…Her are a couple of ideas. First off, try feeding her a LARGE snack later in the evening. If you do this just BEFORE you go to bed, hopefully this will fill her stomach so she won’t WANT to eat anything else. The ONLY other thing I can suggest would be to have a portable Dust Buster by your bed at all times and immediately Vacuum the bed before you make love or go to sleep. Last but not least…Get off your lazy ass and TALK to her about it. What is she gonna do EAT you? You May just be surprised and she will Stop eating in bed. HOPEFULLY, it won’t be YOU. Good Luck…

Until Later…

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