How many of you out there floss? SERIOUSLY??? Well let me just give you a little statistic…73% of all Americans would rather go grocery shopping than floss their teeth. Yup…It’s true, and how many of us just LOVE to grocery shop, Nuff Said?
Now…I’m not saying that I DON’T floss my teeth, BUT…Do you know how hard it is to DO that when you’ve been DRINKING, and NO I’m NOT drunk as I’m typing this… Anyway, where was I…Oh yeah, flossing.
The trouble I have with flossing is that I just don’t LIKE it…There…Plain and simple. For one thing, it takes up Waaaaaaaaaay to much of my time. I mean how much time is it supposed to take anyway? It takes me about 20 minutes (OK…MAYBE a little bit exaggerated) to get that Damn string correctly positioned between my fingers first BEFORE I can even start.
Then, you have to push and shove and wrestle with it until it finally fits between your teeth. When you’ve finally managed to accomplish that, you have to go UP and DOWN and twirl it around (Did ya like that rhyme), until you get EVERY stinkin’ piece of excess piece of nitrogenous waste eliminated from between the teeth. Yeah…Like THAT’S gonna happen.
Now…You could use a Water Pic, which is supposed to be an effective way of removing excess GARBAGE from between your teeth; I own one, but, the only trouble with it is…Water sprays EVERYWHERE. I mean if you wanna do it effectively, you have to be stark NAKED as NOT to get any water on your PJ”S. I’ll give ya a little tip, do it in the bathtub after you’ve showered…That way, you’re good to go. Better YET…Have your significant other do it FOR you in the shower…Owww…I’m getting excited…
Being in the ADD game, I’ve come up with THE solution to have more people Floss…Make the string with a Chocolate Flavor…AM I right? Shoot, once they come out with that, I’ll be flossing 5, maybe 6 times a day, even if I HAVEN’T had any food to eat. Once that THAT little gem is developed, come and see me, I promise you it will be the best selling item since Viagra.
So, come on someone…Hurry the hell up and invent that product, heck…I’ll be your FIRST customer. Alright…I have to go…The floss is calling me.