Ten Things Never To Say in Court


10.)   I didn’t DO it your honor—
       They don’t CARE…You’re in court for God’s sake, they already
        BELIEVE you’re GUILTY…Otherwise, WHY would you be there?

9.)    You’re an ASSHOLE—

       Depending WHO you are saying this too will differ in punishment.
       To the bailiff, a fine, to the judge, jail time, to your
       ATTORNEY…RUN FOR IT. That suckers gonna BEAT your ass.

8.)    This is a KANGAROO COURT—

       This is BAD!!! By saying this, the judge may just have his WIFE
       come in and try you…NOW you’re screwed. His wife just LOVES

7.)    This is a miscarriage of Justice—

        This only works in two cases…One…The Judge comes in Drunk, or
        Two, The jury are ALL over 80 and can’t hear what you are

6.)     500.00 dollars for a FU**ING SPEEDING Ticket???

        Here again an unwise move. The judge doesn’t CARE if you
        Agree with him or not, speaking up will just double your fine.
        Better to just pay the fine and have the other 500.00 left for
        The Strip Club.

5.)     Calling the Defendant a F**King Lier—

        This just makes you look STUPID. The judge will handle it and
        See WHO is telling the truth, UNLESS of course you are BOTH
        Full of S**T.

4.)     I’m sorry you Honor…I see your lips move but I don’t hear you

        Once again the Judge MAY become perturbed, and have the
        Bailiff escort you out, and kick the S**T out of you.

3.)     Is this trial gonna last ALL day???

        Remember…Patience is a virtue…Keep your DAMN mouth SHUT!!!!

 2.)    With uplifted hand… “May I go to the little girls room now“???

         How OLD are you anyway??? Hold it for PETES sake…Put that
         Hand DOWN girl. Cross your legs like we ALL do.

1.)      But the verdict is WRONG your Honor—

         Too bad kiddo…You’re screwed, blued, and tattooed. Cry all ya
         want…It’s YOUR time now. The BIG house is just around the
         Corner. Get USED to it. DAMN crybaby…


        Until later…

13 thoughts on “Ten Things Never To Say in Court

  1. This is kinda funny. Your fourth point reminds me of an incident when the founder of Pakistan, Jinnah, once told a judge to remove the pile of books in front of him when he asked Jinnah to repeat what he said in court.
    And your second and eight point got me laughing. It got me imagining the whole scenario.


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