The Story of the Perfect Husband

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Once upon a time, in a far away land called New Jersey, there lived a man, (let’s call him Hoser), and his beautiful wife Cinderellla. Hey…It’s MY story, I’ll choose the names. I used 3 L’s here so I wouldn’t be sued for liable, so BACK off attorneys. Geeeez.

Hoser was a great looking man, he had six pack abs, muscles that just burst through his clothes, and possessed a sense of humor that would  have made Aphrodite and Dreamshadow59  BOTH jealous…

Dreamshadow59, if the truth be told, was pissed because he married Cinderellla. She, (Dreamshadow59), would always see him working out at the beach, she wanted nothing more than to just LICK the sweat from his fine chiseled body. OK…That may have been a little GROSS…How about…wanted nothing more than to WIPE the sweat off his fine chiseled body? Yeah….Much better.

HEY… Wait a minute…This story is about Hoser…NOT Dreamshadow59. Anyway, every morning, Hoser would rise early, make breakfast, (consisting of Yogurt, egg whites, wheat toast, a banana, and skim Orange Juice). YES I said SKIM orange juice…Problem with that? He loved Cinderellla and would always serve her breakfast in bed.

Once finished, ( Usually after hearing her burp loudly), sorry…I couldn’t resist, he would take the empty dishes back to the kitchen and handily wash them. He just loved looking out the kitchen window and just aimlessly gazed at the frolicking BEARS.( Hey…DEER     wasn’t funny).

Now it was time to start his general household cleaning chores while Cindy went to work. Nothing he liked better than to vacuum and dust. He lived by the saying: A CLEAN home is a HAPPY home.

Once clean, he would gather the dirty laundry, wash it, and THEN do the folding. AT 5PM, he would start dinner in order to have a sumptuous meal on the table when Cindy arrived home. He was such a good cook, Cinderellla just LOVED his cooking, especially his specialty… Sheppard’s Pie. She had started out as a size 4 when they were first married, but soon afterwards, she spiraled to an 18. Hoser didn’t care though, he loved her for her loving demeanor, AND her handsome PAYCHECK.

Once the dishes were done, he would join Cindy in front of the TV to watch Grey’s Anatomy. He would get up a little before the show was finished so he could draw her bath.

Bedtime quickly approaching, he would turn down the bed, place a Hershey Kiss into Cindy’s mouth and make sweet love to her. Cindy would say,”You’re a GREAT lover Hoser”. The day now complete, he wrapped his loving arms around her and cuddled her all night long.

Sue…Sooz…WAKE UP!!!! You’re DREAMING!!!!!

Until later…

 

8 thoughts on “The Story of the Perfect Husband

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