Humor: Telemarketers

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There are basically three things in this world I despise:

*   Rude people
*   Know it all’s
*   Telemarketers

Today, I’m going to discuss telemarketers. Yes, I know they are regular people out there just trying to make a buck…BUT…why do they have to be so damn boring? You heard me…I said boring?

Their bosses give them a scrip to read and that’s just what they do…read it. Get a clue people…If you’re gonna read to me, at LEAST be able to read… I believe that these folks need NO experience what so ever and two thirds of them probably flunked out of the first grade.

Yes, I know, the book by: Robert Fulghum says that… All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten, BUT….Believe me, go to school a couple more years , at lest to the third grade so you’re not tripping over all your words. I shouldn’t have to HELP you through your pitch….Geeeze!!!

I really dislike a pre-read speech, if you give me one, I’m just gonna hang up on you. Here’s a thought…Learn your product, THEN, using your own words, tell me why I need it and can’t live without the new slice and dice weed whacker. Tell me that it not only whacks your weeds, but it also has a special blade attachment that slices through a tomato like a hot knife going through butter. THEN…Maybe I’ll buy one.

So, what I do to have a little fun with them is say, “Just a minute, let me ask my boyfriend”. I come back a minute later with a big pot and a spatula and bang the living HELL out of it until they need hearing aids. Usually, they don’t call back.

Another effective way is to say, “Hey, let me tell you a joke first.” Tell the joke and then say,”Did you like that, how about THIS one?” Sooner or later they will get the idea and just hang up and bug someone else.

Okay, I feel better now….Deep Breath…..Now, if you are one of my friends and are a telemarketer, call me anyway, I might just buy your product, But hey….Wear earplugs.…Just in case.
Until Later…

 

8 thoughts on “Humor: Telemarketers

  1. lol. I hated being a telemarketer, but I enjoyed using various accents I’d developed in highschool. I once chatted with an elderly guy (who must have been pretty danged lonely) for 45 minutes. Afterwards, I was lectured by the manager for taking so long (it should have been a ten minute call at most, her said). I shut him up when I said the gentleman had pledged $1,000 to the cause we were fundraising for. A month later, I was out of a job, but the American Cancer Society recieved a thousand dollar money order and a letter of thanks for their marketer who “brightened an old man’s day.” Who knew that a snarky Irishman and a delicate southern belle could be so amusing?

    Like

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