This New Year I Promise That…

new-year-resolution-cartoon-1

 

I will stop drinking…At LEAST for 24 hrs. Okay…I better revise that because that is WAAAAY to long…How about between 3 Am and 6 AM. Yeah… THAT I can definitely do.

I will be kinder to my fellow man…Just so long as I don’t keep getting HIT on by all those CRAAZY bastards. I mean a girl can ONLY take so much.

I will keep my potty mouth in check…I definitely should be able to do THIS  as long as nobody SPEAKS to me or PISSES me off.

I will be more giving…What I MEAN here is that I will actually GIVE to the IRS what I SHOULD have declared within the last FIVE business years.

I will stop BITCHING about my FU**ING ankle… Man…Don’t EVER break your FU**ING ankle, Damn thing STILL bothers me…Hey…It’s NOT the New Year yet so bug off, I can STILL BITCH…

I will NEVER come home with STRANGE men or women again…UNLESS of course, I am drunk…DAMN…That one’s a loser, I’m ALWAYS drunk. Never Mind…A

I will never steal clients from my former company…Hehehehehehehehe….Yeah RIGHT….Hehehehehehe. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ……….

I will donate my time to a homeless shelter…At least THAT way I’ll get to see my relatives. J

I will ONLY go to bed with people who’s name begins with an A… Example— A man, A woman, BOTH A Man and A Woman…

I will work out more this year…Once a month should DO it right? I mean I don’t wanna get TOO muscular…

I will only write about Sex and Drunkeness 5 times a week…The OTHER 2 days, I will just PRACTICE what I write about.

I hope YOUR New Year’s Resolutions work out for you. Hey, if NOT, there is ALWAYS next year, Right???…Have a great night everyone…

Until Later…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “This New Year I Promise That…

  1. Nicely put. I might have also taken my client list with me when I left a company many years ago, for some reason they ALL followed me….. I wonder why? 😀 heh heh heh Happy New Year!

    Like

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