Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I am a 30 Year old homemaker with an unusual problem. I LOVE to Vacuum. That’s right, you heard me right, I LOVE to vacuum. I get up in the morning, have my morning coffee, and then start vacuuming away like crazy. After lunch I feel like I MAY have spilled crumbs so I vacuum again. The same is true after dinner.

I seem to get a rush out of the noise and the feeling of cleanliness after vacuuming. Is this NORMAL or should I seek help?

I SUCK…

 

Dear Suck:

You are INDEED crazy as a bedbug. The excessive vacuuming is what the medical field calls obsessive compulsive disorder. In LAYMAN’S terms, we just call it LOONEY TUNES.

There is absolutely NO house in THIS world that could POSSIBLY ever need to be vacuumed that much. Not even MINE. I suggest you see a Dr. and start imbibing LARGE quantities of OCD drugs. If this doesn’t work and you still have the compulsion to vacuum, I need my house cleaned every Tuesday and Thursday. Bring your vacuum and go CRAZY. Regards…

 

Dear Sooz:

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for the last year. He is an attorney and whenever I go to visit him his secretary seems a little TOO interested in our goings on. Yesterday she asked me what we were doing, where we were going and jokingly asked if I would have Bob back before the end of the day.

When we were at the show last night, I THOUGHT I saw her sitting a few rows in back of us. When I asked Bob about it he just says I must be imagining things and to just let it go.  He claims that his secretary was just trying to be “friendly”. What do YOU think?

Can you say STALKER?

 

Dear Stalker:

I think your attorney boyfriend is using one of the practices of his trade…LYING…I agree with you, I think he used to be or still IS playing what I call “Balancing the Broad”. I would drop his dead ass piece of manhood faster than a hot coal in your hand. You deserve much better.

I hate gamers, always have. If I were you I would tell him that you have found another guy who treats you much better and to just go back and bang miss Nosy Nellie. My heart goes out to you honey. Good luck.

Until Later…

 

6 thoughts on “Just Ask Sooz

  1. Umm, yeah, homeboy is banging away on the secretary. Bounce his monkey ass and bang his best friend, brother and dad, not necessarily in that order. Also maybe his mom, if she is willing. Film it, then send it to the office to be played during a board meeting. Too much? How much too much? 😀

    Like

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