Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:

After 22 Years, my husband and I are divorcing. It has been a struggle these past five years as it seems like (Let’s call him F**K HEAD), can’t seem to keep his hands off of other women.

The problem is, my husband wants my wedding and engagement rings back. He says that he paid for them and that since we no longer will be married, it is only right that I give them back. Obviously I don’t want to give them back but what do you think I should do?

Puzzled in Pittsburgh


Dear Puzzled:

Be puzzled no more. Tell that cheap bastard from Sooz that those rings were a symbol of HIS love. Since they were GIFTS, the rings WERE, ARE, and ALWAYS WILL BE yours. There is no court in the Country that will say differently. This is just INCONCEIVABLE to me.

I don’t know if Pittsburgh is a community property state but if it IS, NOW I would go after EVERY FREAKIN’ thing you can. He sounds like a real A**HOLE.

I’m tellin’ ya, if he were MY husband, I would fill his beer or coffee, with as much Trazadone as I could buy. This would act by DECREASING his sexual appetite. See how his OTHER women friends like THAT.

Now, I don’t want YOU to do that, I’m just telling you what I would do in that situation. I wish you the best and stay strong, there are OTHER A**HOLES fish in the sea. Good Luck.


Dear Sooz:

My girlfriend and I have a very healthy sex life. The problem is, when we are preforming 69 on each others “Gardens”, she seems to ALWAYS pass gas as I am “enjoying” her. This seems to be a common occurrence and I must say it is unpleasant. What would you suggest?

Gassed in Greenwich


Dear Gassed:


A lot of time it is because of what people eat. Maybe certain foods like Broccoli or Sausage create this unexpected surge of gas. I would suggest a product called Beano. Take it before she eats on a regular basis and this SHOULD take care of the problem. If this doesn’t work, try wearing NOSE plugs when making love. Hopefully THIS will help. Good Luck.

Until Later…



4 thoughts on “Just Ask Sooz

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