Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:

I just had to write you and get your advice about something.  First of all, I live with my sister.  The problem is,every time my boyfriend comes to the house, she starts flirting with him. She is two years my senior and has always been an incurable flirt. The thing is, I’m afraid that my boyfriend is eventually going to give in to her flirtatious charms. She is very pretty and dresses very sexy whenever he comes to visit.

I Love my sister very much but enough is enough. What should I do to alleviate this awkward situation?

Distressed in Denver


Dear Distressed:

As I see it, you have TWO people to speak with:

  1. 1.  Your sexy inconsiderate BITCH sister
  2. 2.  Your easily influenced thinking only with his DICK boyfriend

Tell your sister that you love her but if she flirts with your boyfriend one more time, you’ll CUT her. Tell her she can be as sexy as she wants around someone ELSE’S boyfriend but to leave YOURS the HELL alone.

When you speak with your boyfriend, dress VERY slutty, I mean have the TWINS REALLY showing. Tell him that your sister is a man stealing SKANK and that if he ever looks at her with his dreamy eyed I wanna F**K you look, you will CUT him. Then, have wild MONKEY SEX and tell him you love him. This should solve your dilemma. Good Luck.


Dear Sooz:

My cat is about to have kittens and I don’t know what to do. I always thought that Max was a male cat but I guess I was wrong. Please help me.

Kitty Cat Kathy

Dear Kitty Cat:


HELLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOO!!! That’s why they tell you to PAY ATTENTION in Biology class. Let me just say this, I am not a Vet BUT I am pretty sure your CAT knows just what to do. Just stay the HELL out of his her way and let HER take care of it. She’s the one that GOT this way, let HER figure it out. I hope this helps.

Until Later








9 thoughts on “Just Ask Sooz

  1. And here I was thinking you’d have some way to help the first writer trick both her straying boyfriend and mean sister into having sex with a filing cabinet.
    On video.
    At different times.

    Your idea is better than mine.


  2. Pingback: BLAHS #3: Women with an Attitude–You Pick It. – The Millennium Conjectures(tm)

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