Have You Ever Been a Monkey


You’re gonna think I’m crazy but the other night I SWORE I was a monkey. That’s right folks, a Flea pickin’, poop throwin’, monkey. Now you’re probably thinking, “Well Sooz, for YOU, that doesn’t sound that crazy.” I’m serious here people, a freakin’ armpit scratchin’ monkey.

Okay, I dreamt it but STILL, from a Human Being reverting to an earlier ancestor…COME ON..!!…Why do you think I would dream something like that? I mean in this dream, I could do everything I can now, talk, scratch my ass, and even insult people. The only problem was, I was a true to life, card carrying MONKEY for Pete’s sake.

I have NEVER dreamt anything LIKE this before…HONEST…What’s WRONG with me??? Do I need to see a Psychiatrist, (Oh wait, I already do), OR, do I need to talk to my local Zoo keeper for HER thoughts on this subject?

I’ll tell you about my dream, maybe YOU can interpret. I was at a local bar I frequent when a guy started hitting on me. I really didn’t think too much of it at the time cause I was hammered and it happens to me all the time.

ANYWAY, I started tearing this guy down cause he was drunker than I was and he was becoming obnoxious. I excused myself, went to the bathroom to fix my make up, and as I was looking in the mirror, I saw myself…A Freakin’ Monkey…

I was horrified. I thought how can this be happening to ME??? I mean after ALL, I had never BEEN a monkey before. I decided to go back out and ask this guy if he even NOTICED I was a G.D. (Gosh Darn) monkey. He admitted that he THOUGHT I was either a Monkey or a REALLY ugly Wildebeest.

I took this as a compliment in my state, TOLD him I was a talking monkey and asked if he wanted to go back to my place for some REAL life Monkey sex. Hey…I was drunk OKAY???

He naturally said sure and off we went. We had CRAZY MONKEY Sex and afterward, he asked for my number. I gave it to him as the local ZOO number. Naturally, Like EVERY girl, I waited but he NEVER called. I woke up afterwards and then I figured OUT why he never called, after all, HE was a HYENA…Go Figure…

Until Later…



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