1. Yell “Here Kitty Kitty”, odds are the cat will just look down at you and be thinking “SERIOUSLY, that’s the best you got.”
2. Climb the tree…BZZZZZZZZZZZ….By the time you GET there IF you don’t fall and get a concussion, like I did, the cat will just climb higher and say “F**K YOU.”
3. Shaking a box of cat food at it and saying, “Look what Mommy has for you Snowball.” The cat’s in a tree where all the FREAKIN’ birds go…He can just grab his OWN lunch.
4. Hold another cat up and show it to him, maybe he’ll wanna mate? Be careful with this maneuver however as you may find yourself with 2 cats up a tree.
5. Call the Fire Dept. Hehehehehe…SERIOUSLY???? Do you have ANY idea what that would cost the taxpayers. Not only that, but, do you REALLY think the Fire Dept. will come toot suite? BZZZZZZZZZZZ…Here’s a clue; your cat may DIE of old age first.
6. Throw something at it and try and scare it out of the tree. Yeah RIGHT…I’D come down if someone was throwing stones, sticks, etc. at ME…
7. Sing Three Blind Mice to the cat. Maybe he will hear the soothing music about Mice and just climb right on down.
8. Train a RESCUE cat to go and retrieve it. Look, I’m running out of ideas here OKAY???
9. Alright, THAT’S it…I’m out of ideas here. Just go and rent a freakin’ Cherry Picker, get a hook and grab that smart ass cat.
NOOO!!! There IS no #10…DEAL with it.