10 Things To Do When You’re Drunk

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OK…I will admit it…I’m drunk and writing again. I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing but here goes. Hey…You KNOW where the delete button on the computer is if you don’t like this right???

1.     Your Taxes…Somehow when I figure them out while inebriated, I ALWAYS get a refund. Otherwise…Not so much.

 2.     Practice Your Violin…It DOESN”T really MATTER if you have a Violin. Just take a rubber band, pin one end of the band to your shoulder and tie the other end to your index finger. Then, extend your arm all the way out and strum. Hey…Remember…I’m DRUNK OK???

 3.     Call all your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends and tell them what you REALLY think of them…I’m just getting ready to do this now…I would text them but I can hardly see my phone right now, Hehehehe…

 4.     Call the leader of North Korea and tell him that he is an ASSHOLE and to put DOWN the NUKES. I THINK he speaks fluent English also. If NOT…Use an English to Korean Dictionary.

 5.     Clean Out Your Junk Drawer…If you don’t have one, MAKE one. Just get some miscellaneous junk from several different places and just throw it in a drawer. THEN….Clean it out. That way you will ALWAYS know where your miscellaneous JUNK is.

 6.     Aimlessly STARE at your Aquarium (Like I am), while pushing the buttons on your phone. You keep WONDERING why you can’t change the damn channel and have to continually watch this this FISH show.

 7.     Dance Naked on Your Bed…OH YES….I WAS…So WHAT if I’m a 41 year old immature drunk. I’m STILL naked with body parts flying everywhere…DEAL WITH IT…I TOLD you… Just delete it…SMILES…

 8.     Re-study Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and see if you STILL believe he was right. OR…just play naked Twister. 

 9.     Try saying the words “Toy Boat” very fast and see how many times you can do it. If you can do it at least ONCE…You MIGHT be sober…I couldn’t…Still Grins Widely with drunken smile. 

10.   Stare at the phone and hope someone will call and ask you over for a night of Wild and Passionate Monkey Sex. If no call comes, Get out Vibrator and create your OWN Wild and Passionate Monkey Sex night. HEY…I’m still WAITING for my damn PHONE to ring here people.

 

19 thoughts on “10 Things To Do When You’re Drunk

  1. How about finding your diary from when you were 14 and reading about how you wanted to ‘sex’ boys? Being drunk will either make you laugh uncontrollably, or stare at yourself in the mirror and wonder whether you have deep-rooted issues with promiscuity.

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