Just Ask Sooz-Baby/Toddler Edition

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Dear Sooz:

My name is Chivas, (YES…After the Whiskey), I have NO idea what they were thinking when they did that. Actually, now that I think about it, they probably WEREN’T thinking ‘cause they were DRUNK. They probably said, “Hey Bubba, if I get pregnant and we have a kid, let’s name him/her Chivas.”

Anyway, here is my problem. I’m three years old and my Mom INSISTS on making me try and go on the potty. SHE feels that I should be potty trained by now and I feel like I should still be able to piss or take a dump in my pants when I wanna.

I mean why SHOULD I have to GET up, walk to the bathroom, and sit on that cold ass little kiddy potty and do my business, when I can just let it rip in my diaper?

Hell, if it was me, I would just say to HELL with the whole potty training experience and just wear the friggin’ adult diapers when I get older. I mean THAT’S why they MAKE ‘em right?

It’s not that I CAN’T be trained to go on that baby potty, truth is, I am just lazy. What are YOUR thoughts on this subject Sooz?

Poor Potty Pisser

 

Dear Poor Potty Pisser:

You SHOULD have been using the FARGIN’ potty since you were two Chivas…Now, get off your lazy ass and move it to the potty where you WILL help your poor mom out by using the facilities. How would YOU like to be her and have to change your wet or poopy diapers all the time? Gheese… Give the poor BITCH a break.

I’m gonna be checking BACK with your Mom in a month and I BETTER be hearing some positive feedback from her. You CAN do this. You will have set a goal for yourself and will then be held to a higher standard for the rest of your life. Get those diapers OFF and start dumping your remains where they SHOULD be dumped.

All the best…

 

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