Miley Cyrus…SERIOUSLY????

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OK people, here’s the thing, like other Disney stars who grew up and started to come into their own, Miley has just joined the ranks. She has been the cute little cuddly bear that everyone loves and just wants to give a hug to.

She is 20 years old now folks and is just trying to shed that goodie goodie two shoes persona. Well congrats. Miley, you certainly DID that at the VMA performance.

Let’s be frank here…Britney did it, Christina Aguilera did it and now Miley…What’s all the hoop la about people??? She is just changing her little girl image into something more mature, (Like a gutter slut). Are WE the ones to judge?

People get so uptight even in today’s day and age with people acting a little sexy, or having a wardrobe malfunction where you can see their Hoo Ha’s. Here’s a thought…Hoo Ha’s all look the same, as do boobs and dicks. Well, OK, I realize size and shape changes but…Bottom line, we are ALL the same animal.

I say if Miley wants to have a little fun with Robin’s thick…I mean Robin Thick, I say it’s HER life and HER career, let her go for it. Why should we all be so SHOCKED when she sticks her tongue out anyway, after all, she is ONLY seeking a Lollypop.

If Miley wants to go the same route as Britney or Lindsay Lohan, I say let her go for it. Sometimes you just have to make your own mistakes before you get back on the straight and narrow. We’ve ALL done it…YES…Even YOU…

I say good for YOU Miley, you just keep bumpin’ and grindin’ away and sooner or later you will find your rightful place…As Ryan Seacrest would say…”Peace Out.”

 

Giggle Time–The Test–

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An oldie but GOODIE!!!
 
 
 
     
           
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THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me…It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word.
She said, ‘I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.’
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord… And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.’
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
 
 
               

50 Questions To Ask Your Crush To See If They’re Right For You

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I came across this article by Chrissy Stockton and I thought I would answer them and then pass them on to you.

1. What is one thing you will never do again?—Try and rob Fort Knox.

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?—OK…I’m going with happy here, ONLY because I’m ALREADY smart though.

3. What happened the last time you cried?—My make-up ran all over my face. Next time, ask the correct question if you wanna know the circumstance surrounding the event. Just sayin’.

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something?—I was debating whether or not to tell a friend that her boyfriend was cheating on her.

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you?—That I am a Nymphomaniac.

6. What’s your worst habit?—Too much drinking.

7. What superpower would you have for one day?—The power of Clairvoyance. THEN, I would KNOW how you came up with some of these LAME questions.

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on?—Wonder Woman…I LOVE her costume…*SMILES*

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?—In Never Land because there you NEVER grow old.

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve?—Having someone tease me till I’m WET and then finishing the job.

11. Who knows you the best? My Aunt Carol…

12. What after school activities did you do in high school?—I was captain of our high school DRINKING Team.

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive?— Most Likely to Communicate well with People….While Sober…

14. What’s the last book you really loved?—Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

15. What was the greatest television show of all time?—The Road Runner Cartoon…VERY CREATIVE…

16. What’s been your favorite age so far?—32…Can’t Say Why…Shhhhhhhhhhh….

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?—Stop and smell the roses once in a while…Work will STILL be there…

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it?—Having children.

19. Apologize or ask permission?—Apologize—

20. Unlimited love or money?—Love—

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do?—Make out a will and donate all my SEX toys to a good cause.

22. What’s your most listened to song?—Imagine.

23. Beach vacation or European vacation?—On a Beach in Europe…J

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at?—Either Music or a Dominatrix.

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?—Buy World Peace…There…Do I WIN Miss America now??????

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with?—None—I’m happy just the way I am…

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album?— Is That All There Is?

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about?—The one where I dated a Celebrity.

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around?—Boy…We’re really scraping the bottom here huh? I would have to say Mustard.

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night?—As many as it takes to get me off.

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far?—7…Father killed himself…

32. What is your weirdest deal breaker?—I FORGOT to have my team get BLUE jellybeans for a celebrity and she backed out….BI-ATCH…

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?—Wonder Woman— I can do it all…

34. Do you believe in karma?—Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Yeahhhhhhhhhhh…

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid?—Asked and answered…

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person?—Massive Dicks and uneven Tits.

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem?—Anything having to do with Sex.

38. What is something you’re superstitious about?—Breaking a mirror then being cut by it as I stagger out of the bathroom.

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had?—Being lost in the desert by myself.

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office?—ME—I would make a GREAT President (When I’m sober).

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized?—Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It’s Flavor on The Bedpost Over Night…Don’t ASK…

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible?—Abraham Lincoln—He was SEXY…

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news?—In MY business, it’s a MUST…

44. What is the best present you’ve ever received?—Internet Flowers—

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life?—SERIOUSLY???????? Am I drunk or did I just read that wrong???

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day?—Masturbate—*SMILE*

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom?—It’s NEVER the amount of cost, it’s the thoughtfulness of the present.

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you?—I don’t KNOW…SAY SOMETHING…

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view?—Giant House in a subdivision…I’ll hang pictures if I want a view.

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has?—Being smart asses….

OK—You’ve seen MY answers now let’s see If I’M compatible with YOU…Answer the questions and then send me your link…Heart throbbing here…Well…OK…It could be it’s just because I’m DRUNK too…*SMILE*

Until Later…

 

Giggle Time–The Golfer–

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked her drive into the woods. Looking for her ball, she found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him.
 
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
 
‘Arrgh! What happened?’ the Leprechaun asked.
 
‘I’m afraid I hit you with my golf ball,’ the golfer says.
 
‘Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?’
 
‘Thank God, you’re all right!’ the golfer answers in relief. ‘I don’t want anything, I’m just glad you’re OK, and I apologize.’
 
And the golfer walks off.
 
‘What a nice lass,’ the Leprechaun says to himself.
 
I have to do something for her. I’ll give her the three things I would want… a great golf game, all the money she ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.’
 
A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, she again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for her.
 
‘Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, ‘ the little guy says. ‘I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?’
 
‘My game is fantastic!’ the golfer answers.  I’m an internationally famous golfer now.’ She adds, ‘By the way, it’s good to see you’re all right.’

 

 

‘Oh, I’m fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how’s yer money situation?’
 
‘Why, it’s just wonderful!’ the golfer states. ‘When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn’t even know were there!’
 
‘I did that fer ye also.’ And tell me, how’s yer sex life?’
 
The golfer blushes, turns her head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, ‘It’s OK.’
 
C’mon, c’mon now,’ urged the Leprechaun, ‘I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?’
 
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, ‘Once, sometimes twice a week.’
 
‘What??’ responds the Leprechaun in shock. ‘That’s all? Only once or twice a week?’

 

 

‘Well,’ says the golfer, ‘I figure that’s not bad for a Catholic Nun in a small parish.’ 


Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I have a problem. I’m sure you probably hear this all the time but my boyfriend of 5 years treats me like an object. It’s true, to him I am just a plaything to take to bed and have fun with.

Yes I am attractive and work as a model but I am also a person with a brain and feel objectified when he looks at me. Don’t misunderstand me Sooz, I am not unhappy that I was blessed with the body of a goddess, but, I just wish he would see me for who I am as a person and not just a sex toy.

I’ll give you an example of what I’m talking about. When we go out, he always makes me dress with low cut tops so his friends can see my boobs and ogle me. To him, I am just some kind of blond bimbo who is only there to satisfy his needs.

I have tried talking to him about this but he just says that I am being crazy and that he does love me for who I am. Any thoughts on this subject to help him understand how I feel?

Big Boobed Blond

 

Dear Big Boobed Blond:

Many men are shallow when their lovers are nice looking. All they see is the body, (As men are visual creatures); OTHER attributes like the brain may be discounted if the sex is good. Believe me; I know all too well what you are talking about.

Take your guy, set him down, and explain the SPECIFIC things he does that make you feel treated like a sex object. For example, TELL him how you FEEL about dressing up as a Ho just to be shown off and objectified by his friends. Make him aware that you are a person who has ASS-ETS besides your body. Sorry, couldn’t help it.

Tell him to respect you as an woman and let him know that if he doesn’t, you will take your brains AND your body to someone else who WILL appreciate them…My number is…Just kidding…I wish you luck.

 

 

Sue’s Hobby

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Most everybody has that little something extra that they are GOOD at and enjoy doing in their spare time. Some folks knit, some play golf, many do scrapbooking; some people even like to jump out of perfectly good airplanes.

Me…I like to WORRY…Yup, that’s right. I worry enough for EVERYBODY about just about ANYTHING. I worry whether the sun will come up tomorrow, (And, if it does, will I be too hung over to appreciate it), I worry about whether someday little girls will get to buy their OWN Jimmy Choo shoes. Let’s face it…We ALL want Jimmy Choo shoes, right ladies?

I worry about world hunger, like where they have NO Burger King. I worry about disease, like infected toe nails from improper pedicures. HELL…I am scared to death of pestilence…(What EVER That is)…Just kidding…I really know what THAT is…It’s like when you have pests that are insolent. I would NEVER keep pets like that…

Then there’s always that dreaded fear of being stalked and killed by a serial killer. Hey YOU laugh but there are between 35 and 50 serial killers walking around in the US an ANY given day. OK…I KNOW what you’re gonna say…I watch the show Dexter on ShowTime and take it waaaaaaaaaaay to seriously.

All in all though is my fear of dying alone. Seriously…WHO wants to die alone? So…If anyone will assure me that they will come to my bedside at the, then I will feel a lot better…

I will be setting up a bucket to put names in so get your names in NOW…I will hold a drawing and whoever wins will get to be at my bedside…Phewwwwww…I feel a lot better now…Just one less thing to worry about. Thanks for listening.

Until Later…

 

 

 

Giggle Time–Bored in Target–

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My wife insisted that I accompany her on trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Target:

 

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19:Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’.
   This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time  and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.

 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

 

6. August 14: Moved a, ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

 

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
   EMTs were called.

 

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

 

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, ‘Madonna Look’ using different sizes of funnels.

 

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

 

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

 

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

 

  And last, but not least:

 

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’
One of the clerks passed out.