Airplanes Are Heavier Than Air


I just flew into Richmond Va. (And Boy Are MY Arms Tired)…Sorry, I couldn’t resist. The devil made me do it. Anyway, as I have mentioned before, I am NOT a good flier. I do it often and you’d THINK I would get the hang of it and calm down by now, BUT, I STILL need to be FORTIFIED with a few drinks to be able for me to “Safely” take off and land.

Let’s face it, a Boeing 747 weighs 875,000 lbs. fully loaded. AIR weighs like what… NOTHING??? So, it seems to me that something that weighs THAT freakin’ MUCH VS what it has to be lifted FROM is physically IMPOSSIBLE.

Yes…Yes…I understand all that physics mumbo jumbo about speed, lift, drag, and the freakin’ impossible theory about Bernoulli’s principle, BUT…I STILL believe it is just a magic trick. It’s like we’re placed under mass hypnosis before the flight, are just MAGICALLY transported to our destinations and then are woken up.

SERIOUSLY…Did I mention that a fully weighted aircraft weighs 875,000 lbs.??? And then there is all that Federal Regulation stuff they HAVE to give you before the plane takes off. Like…HOW to BUCKLE your SEAT BELT??? SERIOUSLY??? Honey…If I can’t figure out how to buckle a simple SEAT BELT, I shouldn’t even to be IN that plane.

Then they explain that in CASE the plane catches FIRE and is filled with BILLOWING BLACK SMOKE, there are HELPFUL emergency lights the size of Christmas tree lights that will HELP you find your way through oven like temperature, burning flames, and billowing smoke to the 2 emergency doors the size of bred boxes. Somehow this doesn’t give me much confidence.

My absolute FAVORITE though is when they tell you, “If there should be a DROP in cabin pressure, emergency masks will fall from the ceiling. Place the masks over your mouths, (DUH???) and breathe NORMALLY.”

Now, I don’t know about YOU, but if the plane loses cabin pressure to where those masks drop down, I am NOT gonna be able to breathe NORMALLY. I will be SCREAMING MY ASS OFF shouting, “WE’RE GONNA DIE.” Just sayin’…

These are just some of MY concerns. Obviously we are safer in a plane than we are in our own bath tubs, OR is that a car??? Well… At least that is what the National Aviation Dept. says.

Anyway, no worries for me, as I say I am WELL FORTIFIED before I get on that enormous silver bird. If you see me on a plane, stop by and say HI, I will be the one with my own PARACHUTE on…

Until Later…




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