Sue’s Fractured Fairy Tales


Once upon a time in a land far away, (Love that opening), there lived a BEAUTIFUL girl let’s call her Sue because well, I LIKE the name and because it’s MY story… Now, Sue lived with her 22 brothers and sisters in a HUGE shoe.

THAT’S right a Shoe. It was a GREAT shoe, designed by Jimmy Choo. It had a 4 inch heel keeping the family up high and safe, and was a Double Z width so everyone would have plenty of room. WHAT??? THAT’S believable, I LOVE Jimmy Choo, he could make ANYTHING.

Anyway…The old woman lived there with her kids her husband named Studman, (Think about it), and their dog named Woof. Again…It’s MY story. They were a poor but happy family. Hey… Wouldn’t YOU be poor having 22 children? Besides making love, and creating as many children as possible, Studman worked as a farmer. His specialty crop was corn.

All day, (when he wasn’t in the bedroom), he worked the fields and made sure his corn was well tended to. One day during the heat of the afternoon sun, he stopped his labor to take a drink of water. As he sipped, he noticed what appeared to be a figure walking through his cornfield.

He called out but no one answered him. His curiosity getting the better of him, he walked toward the moving stalks to see what it was. He searched and searched yet nothing was there. Thinking it was just the wind he continued tending his fields.

 Suddenly, out of nowhere, a voice appeared through the cornfield, “Studman…leave the field, take Sue, and meet a man in town named Rumpled Paper Man.” Studman shouted out, “Who are you?”  “I am your fairy godfather and your life is about to change, now go.”

Heading his fairy godfather’s advice, he hurried home, grabbed his daughter Sue, and headed toward town. His heart was heavy because his fairy godfather never TOLD him where to find Rumpled Paper Man. They arrived in town and not knowing what to do, he just started yelling out, “Yo…Rumpled Paper Man, Rumpled Paper Man.” After about an hour of useless yelling into the wind, a man appearing to be in his 70’s approached them and indicated that indeed HE was Rumpled Paper Man.

“I was sent here by my fairy godfather”, he said, “Do you know what this is all about?” Why YES exclaimed the man, I am a prophet and work hand in hand with your fairy godfather. Studman still curious asked, “So what is supposed to happen here?”

With a touch of his hand onto Sue’s head, and saying some magic words, (Bippity Boppity Boo…Work with me here people, will ya), Rumpled Paper Man transformed Sue’s raggedy old dress into a beautiful long flowing gown. The once shabby old farming community became a kingdom with beautiful white horses and carriages galore.

People began to bow to Sue as they walked by calling her your highness. Low and behold, Sue was transformed into a beautiful princess and lived in a castle with her family They eventually SOLD the shoe, (Cause the market was coming back now), ruled for a longtime and were LOVED by all that encountered them.

Moral:—If YOU wanna become a Princess, buy a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, and hope like HELL you run into a guy named Rumpled Paper Man…

The End…

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