How to Stay Slim And Trim…SERIOUSLY…


The other day a friend asked me to go to the gym with her and then afterwards have lunch. I said that I would LOVE to even though my MIND was saying…”WHAT???…You KNOW you would rather eat GLASS Sooz.” OK, here’s the thing, I HATE exercise. Well, by going to a Gym anyway and walking endlessly on a tread mill or climbing stairs that get you nowhere.

Being a good friend AND seeing as there was a LUNCH offer afterwards, I decided to go and sweat for a while. I figured how bad could it BE, right? Now let be frank here, I was expecting a LITTLE sweating, a nice hot shower afterwards, and a sumptuous lunch. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

Instead, here’s what I got. A Treadmill walk, a nice climb to nowhere on a Stair stepper, a ride on the Elliptical, several breast enhancing machines, (Like I NEED it), and once again a ride on a stationary bike which is well…STATIONARY.

I sweat like I had just had sex for a two hour stretch. I was EXHAUSTED!!!! Seriously??? Who does this two or three times a week? I mean I would be looking great, BUT, I’d be DOING so in my COFFIN. Yes I know exercise is good for you but to ME, going to the Gym and working out like this is just pure TORTURE. The only thing I got out of this experience was a nice lunch that I was too TIRED to eat.

Now here’s MY method for staying slim and trim.

  • Eat right, this means absolutely NO potato chips or Twinkies BEFORE the drinking hours. Said drinking hours begin somewhere between “When I wanna, and Until I hurl.
  • Exercising by bending wrist to mouth and then return to refill glass.
  • Staggering to the kitchen to restock alcohol supplies.
  • Passing out early to make sure I get PLENTY of rest.
  • Last but not least…Making sure that you remove ALL alcohol and food items consumed the next day by praying over your porcelain god.   


I guarantee that with these few SIMPLE steps followed; you will be a fit and trim looking Human being.The question IS…For how LONG??? Just remember, exercise and sensible eating habits are really the key here folks. Going to the Gym however is NOT the only answer. If you like to dance, then dance, if swimming is your thing, then swim.


The trick is just living a healthy lifestyle. If you do this, the rest will take care of itself.


Until Later…











7 thoughts on “How to Stay Slim And Trim…SERIOUSLY…

  1. As always, your posts are full of wisdom for leading a balanced life. Prayer and rest balanced by staggering and hurling… Walk the middle path, Sweet Sooz!


  2. I used to pay 8 bucks a fifth. Recently, the state decided to give private industry a try – with taxation, of course. Now, a fifth costs me 13 bucks for the cheap crappy stuff. (Okay, I’ve grown a taste for Canadian booze, but really, even that is expensive). And working out – well, honestly, I should do it more. My doctor is freaking out about my A1C scores. Apparently, humans aren’t supposed to get all of their calories from alcohol. HIC!

    Stupid physiology…


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