The Four Stages of Stupidity When Dating

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 Before I begin writing this, let me just say that this piece applies to both Men AND Women. When we date we always like to put our best foot forward. This way, we can impress our date and hopefully will get another. SOMETIMES, however, we fall into one of the pitfalls. I call these, Stages of Stupidity; here we only take our foot OUT of our mouth to CHANGE feet.

The Time Delay—People, this is such a common stage of stupidity and can EASILY be avoided. Your date says he will pick you up at 8:00 and never gets there until 8:45. Now unless he was involved in an accident with a Tractor Trailer and had BOTH his freakin’ HANDS severed, he BETTER get on that phone and call you.

Hint:…Guys, don’t under ANY circumstances say you were late because your buddies at the bar just wouldn’t let you go. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure you have a GOOD excuse, even MAKE ONE up if necessary to account for your lateness. A good one is: “ My glasses broke and I had to get a prescription WINDSHIELD installed in my car”… Girls…The same goes for you, if you are supposed to ready by 8:00, then BE READY. NOTHING will keep him from being upset UNLESS you walk down the stairs to greet him NAKED and then take him back to your bedroom. I have had to do this on SEVERAL occasions. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting TOO Drunk to Have Sex—NOBODY likes a sloppy drunk…Well, unless you happen to be a serial rapist and then it actually could work in your favor. BOTH parties should drink JUST enough to STILL be able to perform when your date is over…Drink RESPONSIBLY; it’s in BOTH of your interests.

Not Being Able to Carry a Conversation—If ya can’t communicate, you’re NOT getting laid. Nuff said. If either of you are scaredy cats or are too shy to talk, take a speech class, read the newspaper, get a hobby, ANYTHING that will help stimulate a back and forth conversation. There is nothing worse than just staring at your date for 2 hours over a silent dinner. Learn some jokes; ask open ended questions like, “What do you think about String Theory, or say Elementary Particles?” This should REALLY get the conversation jumpin’ and ensure you get a little booty later.

The Goodnight Kiss—OK…This tops the height of stupidity in the first date category. Many guys AND girls are too shy to give up a little tongue action on the first date. Hell, I’ve been with guys that wanted to just shake my hand…SERIOUSLY??????

If we’ve had a good time with you, and or are a little drunk, we WANT to get a little goodnight kiss (or better).?!! Guys, all ya have to do is just lean in, hold our head in your hands and KISS us. Now, DON’T put your tongue immediately down our throats, work up to it. Tell us how great we are, that you would love to see us again etc. THEN…Don’t be shy, give us a little lovin’.

Unless you were REALLY boring or we just had a lousy time, we WANT and EXPECT it. If we DON’T get one, we start questioning our own femininity. Girls, if you want one and he is too shy, GRAB the bull by the horns and just dive in there, after all it IS 2013. By giving and or getting a goodnight kiss, we will be ready and willing to try it again so DON’T be shy.

By eliminating these four awkward stages of stupidity, you will find that the dating experience once again can be a pleasurable and STIMULATING scene.

Until Later…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “The Four Stages of Stupidity When Dating

  1. Pingback: The Four Stages of Stupidity When Dating | dreamshadow59

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