Hi…It’s Linus, you know, from Charlie Brown. I’m writing you today because I understand you are an expert on just about everything and I need your help.
It’s really a two fold problem Sooz. First of all, let’s address The Great Pumpkin since it IS Halloween. Every year I give up going to parties and trick or treating so I can see the Great Pumpkin, and each year I seem to fall asleep before he arrives.
Charlie Brown and Lucy claim that there ISN’T really a Great Pumpkin, that I am just wasting my time. I KNOW however, that in my heart of hearts, he really DOES exist and that I just fall asleep BEFORE he arrives. What do YOU think Sooz? Am I wasting my time or do you think I should just stay WITH it???
Secondly, I am really worried about my friend Charlie Brown. He’s been moping around lately because of this Little Red Headed Girl. Ya see, Charlie Brown is all head over heels in love with her and to date, she hasn’t given him the time of day. I’m his best friend and I hate to see him so depressed. What should I do to help him?
A True Friend
Dear True Friend:
Sorry Linis, you’ve been doing this since 1965 now and to date, you have STILL NOT seen the Great Pumpkin. I think that after trying for almost 50 years, you should GIVE IT UP!!! He’s NOT coming…Sorry baby, just a fact of life. I give you lots of props though for trying for so long.
As far as that Little Red Headed Chick, well…THAT’S a whole nuther story. She wouldn’t even realize WHAT a good man he was even if he came up and KISSED her. She just has her head stuck to far up her OWN ass at this point to realize it. I say…KICK THAT LAZY ASS BITCH TO THE CURB and MOVE ON!!! One day, she will look back at this and say, “DAMN…What a FINE piece of meat I gave up in that Brown guy.
Buy him a soda and some cookies, and tell Lucy I said to let him KICK that god damned football once in a while. If she DOES, then maybe he won’t be carrying that CHIP on his shoulder the rest of his life. I hope this helped you…