Since Thanksgiving is one of my favorite Holidays, I thought it would be appropriate to re-post my favorite Thanksgiving write. OK…You GOT me, it;s my ONLY Thanksgiving write, BUT…I still Love it…Enjoy!!! Oh…Happy Turkey Day to all out there that celebrate this day.
Thursday is Thanksgiving, a day for stuffing our faces, drinking till we puke , Oh yeah, and of course being thankful that we CAN eat and drink till we puke.
I thought that today I would take you back to the first Thanksgiving and give you the Paul Harvey version of the event. “What”, you say, “it wasn’t a blissful, and meaningful day of friendship and harmony?” Well, it was, but there were a few kinks in the story here and God forbid…The gathering didn’t even have any Football to watch.
Back in 1621 when it was supposed to have happened, you have to remember, in November in Plymouth Mass, it was “colder than a witches tit”. Plus, the Indians at the time didn’t have Armani clothing like the Pilgrims did. They, (The Indians, Or better known as The Red Man), just wore funny looking little swim trunks, moccasins, and some feathers on their heads. They were freezing’ their ASSES off.
It all started after the planting season had ended and THANK GOD, they produced just enough corn and berries to live through the winter. The pilgrims, always in the mood for a party said, “Let’s have a party with those scantily clothed Red men and have the first Thanksgiving.” Well, of course the red men were delighted to saver some of the bounty from the Pilgrims stash, so they put on their BEST swim trunks and feathers and headed on over to the feast.
Ahhhh, and what a feast it was too…Wild turkey, Pheasant, Goose, even some dead Eagles (ROAD KILL), were rustled up. Now the Indians also brought food to the party. They brought stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberries and of course Pumpkin Pie. Ohhh…I almost forgot, they brought the MOST important thing to the party…BOOZE!!!
The Pilgrims, seeing the Indians dressed in their finest swim trunks, yet freezing their cohunes off, asked the Indians if they wanted to get a little warmer. Of course the Indians being a proud people said they would but ONLY if the Pilgrims took something from them in return. Well…That’s another blog ‘cause the pilgrims decided to take all their LAND. The Indians, (Now a little drunk), eagerly agreed and the party went on until the wee hours (What ever the HELL that is), of the morning. They ate like hogs, drank like fish, and stumbled to their beds.
Sooooo, there you have the TRUE story of Thanksgiving. Oh…BTW…If anyone really BELIEVES this, I have some property I am trying to unload…Call me.
“Does your chewing gum lose it’s flavor on the bedpost over night?”
Do you REALLY think that saying “God Bless You” after someone sneezes will
stop them from sneezing again?
Should we MAKE our kids kiss us goodnight if they don’t WANT to?
Why ARE there no BLUE fruits or vegetables.
How many times have you almost orgasmed after taking a nice dump?
Do they MAKE rose colored glasses?
Is life REALLY a bowl of Cherries, and IF so then what the HELL does that mean?
“God’s in His Heaven, all’s right with the world” “******SERIOUSLY******????????
If we made Friday the start of the work week, would THAT be any better Psychologically?
Oldie but goodie……Where the HELL do all the lost SOCKS go???
Which came first….The Chicken or the Egg…??? Explain in 10,000 words or less. 🙂 Comic relief here needed…
Why is it that Boys are made from snips and snails and puppy dogs tails and girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice???? SERIOUSLY????? We NEED a second opinion on that one.
Why is it that I continue to write nonsensical BS like this…..Gheese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to
share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up
a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town
council was livid and insisted they change it.
The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not
acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics
– no go. Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives – thumbs down
Then came Minds and Behinds – still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost
Souls and Butt Holes – unacceptable again! So they tried Nuts and Butts – no
way. Freaks and Cheeks – still no good. Loons and Moons – forget it. Almost at
their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones – Specializing in Odds and Ends.
Everybody loved it!
I recently lost a very special person in my life. My sister just passed after a long and well fought struggle with Lymphomic Cancer. I am severely struggling with this loss and was wondering if there is anything I can do to help deal with the pain?
My family and friends have been great, but, we shared such a special bond, I almost feel as if when She died, so did I. We did everything together and now I am at a cross roads of what to do without her.
Please give me some advice that will help comfort me.
Dear Depressed Debbie:
Losing a loved one is NEVER easy, especially when you were so close. I too have suffered such a loss with my father’s passing, and STILL find that the grief haunts me on a daily basis.
Please remember the good things that you and your sister did together. Relive these memories as I do with my father. Share in the comfort knowing that where ever you both went, you shared some joy with others, who in turn probably passed THAT joy on yet to others that THEY touched.
Remember the good times with the family, childhood experiences that could only have been shared by you and your sister. Embrace these warm memories and your sister will continue to live on with in your soul.
I’m sure you and your sister have some shared some Humanitarian traits together. Extend those to others to help enlighten THEIR lives, and I guarantee you, your sister will continue to live on FOREVER through you.
My condolences are certainly with you during these sad times. May you gain the strength required to continue on, and may the love that you BOTH shared, be now doubled, and remain throughout your life. God Bless You.
For all of you who have been such dedicated readers on my blog, I owe you an explanation as to where I’ve BEEN for the last couple of weeks. I took ill with the Flu just after Halloween and then it turned into Pneumonia. I am back home now and am recuperating nicely.
I just wanted to thank you all for continuing to read me in my absence and to know that I appreciate all your support. I should be back up to full writing speed here within the week.
Again, a kind thank you for those who have been wondering where I have been, yet continued reading. Talk to you all soon I promise…Good thoughts to all…