I just happened to be in the North Pole with my crew the other day, so I wanted to see if I could get an interview with Santa. Luckily, the Jolly old fellow was gracious enough to grant me a few minutes for the world to read. Enjoy!!!
Sooz: “ So Santa…How long have you been AT this game?”
Santa: “Well Sooz, I’ve been doing this gig ever since the phrase Peace on Earth and good will to men were first coined. Ya see, the people at the time, needed someone who could carry that message across the world and well, after an all-out search, they chose ME.”
Sooz: “People wanna know Santa, do you have any children, and IF so…How many?”
Santa: “Sooz, I usually don’t get into my personal affairs, but for YOU, I will…As of last Tuesday, We have 942 beautiful little Elves and still going strong.”
Sooz: “WOW!!! That’s a whole lotta kids Chris, when do you have TIME to eat, make toys, and sleep?”
Santa: “Mrs. Clause is a GREAT cook, plus all those damn servings of milk and cookies don’t help my weight problem either. The Elves make all the toys, I just inspect them first to make sure that no one is BUYING anything on line. Every once in a while I find the “Made in China: labels on them but usually they’re from my youngest kids.”
Sooz: “How long does it TAKE to make enough toys for 7 billion people?”
Santa: “Well Sooz, we primarily make toys for the kiddies and there are only 2 billion of those, (Look it up)… Although we DO honor special requests for adults.
Sooz: “Special requests would be like WHAT Santa?”
Santa: “Ohhh…Extra wine for the homeless to help keep them warm, play toys for those poor sexually deprived women out there who aren’t ‘getting any’, and even extra blankets for those married folks whose spouses steal all their covers at night.”
Sooz: “Just one more question Santa, “Does your chewing gum lose it’s flavor on the bed post over night?”
Santa: “Oh Sooz…You ARE a kidder aren’t you…Ho Ho Ho…Please tell everyone that I will be by their homes soon so they better be good…OR… At LEAST, Good at it…Ho Ho Ho…