Just Ask Sooz


Dear Sooz:

I have an itch. OK…not just like a mosquito bite itch, I’m talking about the itch of all itches. Even worse than an itch from Crabs or Poison Ivy, NOT that I have ever HAD the Crabs or been stricken with Poison Ivy (I’ve HEARD)…

Anyway, back to this unbelievable, uncomfortable F**CKING itch. I can’t think of anything that I have done, drank, or have eaten that would cause these terrible hives. I am NOT allergic to anything that I KNOW of and they are driving me CRAZY…LITERALLY!!!

People have told me it’s caused from anything from nerves to hallucinations. I don’t THINK I am Nervous, nor do I “injest” Hallucinogenic drugs ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!  What is WRONG with me and HOW can I alleviate this misery???

Freakin’ Bitchin’ Itchin’


Dear Freakin’ Bitchin’ Itchin’:

What do I LOOK like, a FREAKIN’ DR??? I am here for LOVE advice and or other painful subjects like… How can I score a THREESOME… NOT for some ridiculous ITCHING problem. Here’s a thought…Try some of that Pink “Go away itchy creams stuff”…You know, Calamine lotion.

If this doesn’t work, see a REAL F**KIN’ Dr. You know, someone who can do more than just repeat funny sounding chants over your hives. I would recommend MINE, but, he just got kicked out of the profession for saying funny sounding chants over people and hasn’t gotten his license back yet.

If THAT doesn’t work…Drink more, or, take more Hallucinogenic drugs, at least THESE might help you FORGET about your wussy itching problem. Have a nice day…




11 thoughts on “Just Ask Sooz

  1. Not a doctor, huh? I guess I shouldn’t post my question about this disease I have which causes me to have an insatiable desire to perform oral sex on women who call themselves Sooz? Seriously, it’s a very difficult problem. The only way to alleviate the symptoms is for me to give my poor victim 3 or 4 roaring orgasms with my tongue. But I guess I will have to find another source for advice on this troublesome condition…


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