As I stood naked looking into the mirror, I reflected on just what I was. Just what didI see? Did I merely see a naked woman admiring her body, NO, I saw a little girl CRYING out for her mothers love and affection. Was it not here where it really all began?
The more I looked, the more I saw the hatered for myself, the feelings of inadequity, and the burning within my flesh for whoever would satisfy my need.I have struggled with these feelings My entire life, wondering if it was how I was wired, or if by some remote chance my mother was the root of my Nymphomania.
You see, I AM a card carring Nymphomaniac. Driven by a sex drive that will NOT unleash the bonds of it’s demands. I NEED sex, like others need water. I CRAVE the release as those who would seek to obtain the interaction of love.
To what end this has effected my life you may ask, I shall only answer by saying that for those that believe I am “lucky” to have this type of sex drive, I say that I have been condemned to Hell.
While it is true that I crave sex, night and day, I will also say that it is extreemly difficult to have any kind of actual relationship based on this behavior. I am a freak, a freak of Nature who craves a desire SO powerful that it is difficult to determine where LUST starts and LOVE Begins.
A roller coaster ride is the ONLY way I could describe it. I have been with Hundreds of partners, yet, once satisfied, my emotional desire for that person drops. Have I ever BEEN in love, my answer would be to say yes, BUT, with the caveat of saying I couldn’t really tell you for sure.
I live my life of Hell on a day to day basis, ALWAYS searching for love, someone who will LOVE me for who I am. There in lies is the problem, no one really understands my wants, my NEEDS, or my desires. Couple that with someone who gets drunk every night and the plot thickens.
Let me just say this as honestly as I can, I WANT to LOVE, I REQUIRE it. I just never know who loves me for myself, OR, for the sexual pleasure they receive on a contunious basis because of my desire.
It appears that I am on my own here as therapy has simply NOT helped. I am who I am, and I guess that I must LIVE with this demon who drives my life in constant need of Sex.
Until Later…
I hope my occasionally flippant comments on your blog haven’t caused you any pain.
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No…..None at all…..I LIKE you…
Muah!!!!!!!!
Sooz
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I’m glad! By the way, I’d love it if you would consider doing a guest post on my blog.
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I would LOVE to whenever you would like…
xx
Sooz
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Send me a note at eric.keys@live.com and we’ll hash out the details!
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OK…
xx
Sooz
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Dear Sooz.
This post Resonated So Deeply. I Do Understand!
Your Friend,
Anastasia
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Sometime it just helps to write it out ya know???
xx
Sooz
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I Do My Friend!
XoXo
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Hugs to Miz Sooz 🙂
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Hugs right back at ya…:-)
xx
Sooz
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Hugs right back at ya…:-)
xx
Sooz
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Hugs right back at ya…:-)
xx
Sooz
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I understand.
Try eating more pizza. 🙂
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Have you kept interviewing therapists to find one who can understand and help?
In the end, whatever you do and however you get there, I just think you should be happy.
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I’ve been through 4 therapists now and each one said they could help me. Unfortunately, none of them have really done so.
Overall, I believe I am a relatively happy person….Thanks Guap….Muah!!!
xx
Sooz
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Be brave girl! Thats how it is and will be! Live with things that cause pain but hold your head high for you are still fighting it!
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It’s the ONLY way I know how to live…Thank you VERY much for that WONDERFUL comment!!!!!!!!
xx
Sooz
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Tc! 😀
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I know what it’s like to wonder if someone really loves you for you, or if they say so because of what you do/give them. The only way you can really be certain is by what they show. Remember, and keep in mind, the old axiom: “Actions speak louder than words.”
I hope you find someone worthy of you, Sooz. You deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy. Muah!!!
xxx
-Rob
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Awwwww…That is such a SWEET comment…..Thank you so VERY much. Hand over Heart…..Muah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
xx
Sooz
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You’ve got to find another way to fill that hole, honey! (Pun intended!)
You’re the only one who can do it once and for all. Sex is temporary fix, that’s why you always need more of it. It will not fill you. Even someone else’s love and acceptance may not work, because you won’t be able to see or accept it. Only YOU can do it!
And please don’t give up.
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I CAN’T give up hope. I still believe that SOMEONE out there will accept who I am for WHAT I am…It’s the only way I can keep on living. Thank you for your wonderful comment.
Muah!!
xx
Sooz
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I’m glad that you still have hope that there is someone who will love you and accept you. I think that there is definitely someone for you, though it will probably not be soon, but he will definitely come.
I apologize for butting in your personal life, but maybe there is some deep root problem from your life that caused you to be a nymphomaniac. But that’s just my thinking. Keep fighting and smiling! 😀
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Been sexually crazy since I was 11 years old…I probably masturbated than most girs talked on the phone. Hehehehe….Sooner or later my prince will come, it’s just a matter of KNOWING it….
xx
Sooz
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