A Rejection Letter to William Shakespeare

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Dear Mr. Shakespeare:

We appreciate the submission of your play, The Taming of the Shrew. I’m afraid at this time we must humbly decline publication of this work. You see, there were a few flaws here-in we believe would never be accepted by the general viewing audience.

For example: The way you express yourself, while flowery, is hard as HELL to understand. Take the line, “Sit by my side, and let the world slip: we shall ne’er be younger.”  SERIOUSLY BILL??? A play is supposed to be understood by everyone, not just few who speak Pig Latin.

Or take for example the line, “If I be waspish, best beware my sting.” WTF!!! I don’t think I know of ONE person who could POSSIBLY understand such drivel. Also, the words… Thee, and Thy, gotta go. Bill, if you’re EVER gonna get your work published, you have to relate to ALL people, not just the Nobility.

Another thing we commented on was the whole concept of the play. I mean seriously Bill; in the beginning taking a drunkard and making him believe he was Nobility…Ahhhhh NO!!! Or how about the idea of the shrew itself, when women see this, they are gonna hang you in the stock until your arms fall off. Why in God’s name would you wanna PISS OFF the gentler sex?

You know as well as I do that it’s the women who will be attending, as the men must be DRAGGED to see something this trivial. For the Men, I would suggest more ACTION, like horse chases and such. You really DO want to appeal to everyone.

Once again I’m sorry we couldn’t publish this for you. We suggest you go BACK to your writing table and Pen something else. Thank you kindly for your submission and good luck.

 

 

 

 

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