How many people out there would like to be in a relationship, BUT, either are too busy to look, OR, just don’t have that get up and go attitude to search 1000 different places until you find someone you’re compatible with? Well, now you can…I’ve created Sue’s Internet Dating Service.
All you need to participate is a PULSE, and the energy to write me with a few of your vital statistics. Here is what I require to HOOK you up…
1.) Your age within 10 years…NOBODY likes giving their REAL age so this should help matters. Of course, you must be at LEAST 18 years of age or older…OTHERWISE, I would be hooking you up with someone under the age of 8. If you ARE 8, then you must be gainfully employed, (I’m NOT talking about having a Lemonade stand either), be sexually active, and at least know HOW to drive a car.
2.) Your sexual preference…Male or Female. If you are Bi, then let me know that too as it’s easier to get a date on the weekends that way…
3.) Favorite foods and drinks…You MUST however like Chinese as I LOVE Chinese and so I am making it a staple food choice. Someone asked me if SPAM was a food choice and I say…Sure!!!
4. How would you describe your sexual appetite?
A. Like a Horny Toad
B. Like a snail
C. Only on Saturday nights
D. When the mood HITS you
E. Somewhere between A and E depending how many drinks you’ve had.
5.) Do you like children and if so how many would you like to spawn?
6.) How tall are you? Just trying to match you up here with a sexual partner, we don’t want any giants matched to little people here now WOULD we?
OK…That does it…Just answer the above questions and I will have you HOOKED up before you know it. Oh, one last thing, this is a FREE service so there are NO refunds. Once you get a partner…You are STUCK with them…
Come on…Join me today and get started on YOUR whirlwind romance NOW!!!
*** The above was just a humorous piece and NOT really a dating service. If you were stupid enough to BELIEVE this, then you really DO need a partner to HELP you through life***