The Difference Between Men and Women

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dreamshadow59 
 

The Difference Between Men and Women

 

I just finished reading the book Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus. FINALLY… I understand why we are so different in our thinking. It’s obvious right? We’re from 2 different PLANETS!!! We’re not FROM Earth. Somehow, we were magically transported from our home planets of Mars and Venus and dumped HERE.

I mean if you think about it, the ONLY real Native things from Earth are probably the plants and animals. We’re just VISITORS. I KNOW what you’re thinking…”Sooz, I think you have lost your marbles.” To that I say, “Well, MAYBE, but if you THINK about it, look at all the differences”. Just look at some of the differences and tell me I’m wrong:

Men

1.  Men are Muscular…They have 2 marbles in a sack with an attached trunk.

2. Men Pee and Poop

3. Men love to go camping in the wilderness, drink beer, eat beans from a can and sleep in a tent on the ground.

4. Men like to watch sports, drink beer, and swear like drunken sailors.

5. Men will screw ANYTHING that RESEMBLES a woman just for fun.

Women

1. We are soft and curvy with mountains on the top and a FINE well groomed garden on the bottom.

2. We Tinkle and Sparkle

3. We like to sleep in 4 star hotels, drink fine wine, eat at Michelin stared restaurants and spend money.

4. We like to WATCH men watch sports, drink wine, and talk about how crude, rude, and disgusting they are.

5. OK…We like sex too but only on OUR terms. GO US!!!

There are MANY more things that I could go into here but You would get WAY to bored so I will leave it at these. If you would like to know MORE differences that help explain my theory, please let me know and I will send you a copy of my new book…How the HELL Does THAT Fit in HERE?

Until Later…
 

 

Desire

           Desire

 

 

Whisper to me on the winds.
Dance with me naked in a raging thunderstorm.
Feel my loins and make me weak with pleasure.
Part my thighs and let Lust’s desire overcome my senses.

Take me in your arms and explore me,
Make my body become your map.
Let me feel your manhood deep within me,
And make me one with your wanton body.

Be not afraid as I am one within you,
Caress me, Hold me, fill my spirit with your Love.

 

 

Giggle Time–Italian Golfers–

 

Silvio, an 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘how do you stay in such great physical condition?’
Italian golfers…  
 

‘I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says Silvio, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways’.
‘I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’
 
‘Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?’
 
‘Who said my Father’s dead?’
 
The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your Father’s still alive. How old is he?’
 
‘He’s 100 years old,’ says Silvio. ‘In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.’
 
‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Father’s Father? How old was he when he died?’
 
‘Who said my Nonno’s dead?’
 
Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘you mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?’
 
‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the o), (ld Italian golfer.
 
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?’
 
‘No, Nonno couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’
 
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?’
 
‘Who said he wanted  
to get married?’
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Giggle Time–9 Things About Life

 

Number 9-
Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
                                   
Number 8-
Life is sexually transmitted.
                                   
Number 7-
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
                                   
Number 6-
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can’t tell them apart. 
If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
                                   
Number 5-
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
                                   
Number 4-
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
                                   
Number 3-
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
                                  
Number 2-
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
                                   
Number 1-
Life is like a jar of jalapeño peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
                                   
…and as someone recently said to me:
                                   
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.

 

Just Ask Sooz

 

Dear Sooz:

I read your column and have fornd that you give pretty good advice when it comes to sex. I have two questions to you I hope you are willing and can give me an answer on.
Here are the problems:

1. How can I get my husband to pleasure me orally? He claims that he is uncomfortable with the possible odor and taste. Don’t misunderstand me, he is a great lover, I would just like to be orally pleasured sometimes too.

2. Secondly, my husband only seems to only be able to ejaculate when I pleasure him orally. He gets very excited but just can’t seem to close the deal unless I felatiate him.
What would you suggest I do to try and correct these things? I could really us your help.

Tongue Tied

Dear Tongue Tied:

As for problem number one, really sorry to hear that as orally pleasuring a woman is one of the best things a man can do to drive us crazy. Believe it or not, this is a very common problem with some men. What I would suggest is to make sure that you are well trimmed or shaved. It’s easier hen he can see where he is going and it USUALLY will excite him more.

Then, take a shower together washing each others genitals. Show him that you are extreemly clean and tell him this should eliminate any odor or taste issues. Have him sensually kiss your stomach and your the in and outer thighs. This should help get him in the mood. Nature should take its course from here.

Problem number two could be a little more dificult. Some men are afraid of getting you pregnant and will hold off ejaculation until orally stimulated. Others, have deeper emotional concerns which should be sorted out with a sex therapist.

Try this, talk to him about this when you are both in a relaxed state of mind. Tell him you love hime and want to feel him ejaculate inside of you to make you feel complete. Then orally excite him to the point of ejaculation and then have him finish within you. It may take some time but eventually this should solve the problems. If NOT, please see a liscenced sex therapist. Good luck.

Just Ask Sooz

 

 

Dear Sooz:

I read you all the time and some of the quirky letters you get, well, here is one more. My husband has this annoying habit I have been trying to break him of now for a longtime.

When we watch TV at night, he whistles Yankee Doodle and drums his fingers at the same time. At first I really didn’t pay attention to it but he does it consistantly and it is driving me nuts. I have tried yelling at him, and have talked to him about it but nothing seems to help.

In all other ways Sooz he is wonderful. It is just that this annoying habit is driving me bug nuts. What can I do?

Whistle me Dixie

Dear Whistle:

I must say, this habit does seem a bit over the top. Anyway, I have good news for you, strap on a bass drum with some symbols attached and you can make him a one man band…Think of it, he could be making you MONEY…Just kidding.

Seriously, any bad habit can be broken, here is my advice. Distract the Yankee doodle singing by placing a pretzel in his mouth every time he starts whistling. Most of the time, people don’t even realize what they are doing. This should make him aware of what he is doing and after a while he will stop this annoying habit.

As for the finger drumming, try this. Place a rubber band on his hand and everytime he starts a drumming, snap the rubber band. This will associate a negative behavior when he starts to drum and he will quickly stop. I have done this several times with others and believe me it works.
I hope this helps you and if nothing else, you still have the one man band thingy to fall back on…Hehehe…