Once upon a time, there was a tree and a little boy. The boy LOVED the tree and the tree loved the boy. The boy would always come by and swing on the tree’s branches, eat her apples, or just slide down her trunk. The tree and the boy were happy.
Time passed, one day, the boy was sad and came to swing on the tree’s branches. “Why are you sad said the tree?” “I need money to buy Cocaine”, said the boy, and “I have no money, everything I have stolen from my parents is gone.”
“Well, I don’t know what Cocaine is”, said the tree, “but, you can sell my apples and get some money to buy it, THEN, you will be happy.” So, the boy shook off all her apples and took them to sell for his drugs, then, the boy AND the tree were happy.
Once again, the years flew by and the boy, (Now a man), came back to the tree higher than a kite and PRETENDED to be sad. “Why are you sad said the tree?” “I need a boat to sail away from here and go to Brazil so the Feds won’t put me in prison said the boy.”
“Well”, said the tree, “I don’t HAVE a boat layin’ around, but you can cut off my branches to build one, THEN you will be happy.” So, the boy cut off all the tree’s branches and built the boat to sail away to Brazil, and the tree was HAPPY…
Many years passed, and the boy had NOT come to water the tree’s stump or spread manure around the ground to help her live. The tree was old, sad, and PISSED!!!
One day, out of the blue, the boy came back looking sad and said to the tree, “I am old now tree and I have spent all of my drug money, the Feds seized my house, and I have nowhere to live.” “Can I sit on your stump and commiserate with you?”
“FUCK NO, said the tree, I gave you my apples, let you cut off my branches, and for what, just to let you squander EVERYTHING I have done for you.” And with that, the tree, (Who had secretly been in cahoots with the Feds), alerted the authorities and dragged his no good sorry ass to the Federal Jail in Levenworth Kansas.
Don’t bite the fucking hand that feeds ya!!!!!!!!
Oh…. Apologies to Shel Silverstein—I just couldn’t help myself!!