After reading your Dear Sooz postings, I feel as though I can talk to you freely. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and to be honest, our sex life had gone stale. In order to spice things up, my husband asked if I would be willing to swing with other people. While unwilling, I did want to help out our lackluster sex life so I agreed.
We answered an ad from a website that caters towards this sort of thing and made an appointment to go. I must admit Sooz, I was really nervous while my husband seemed all ramped up and willing to go.
Well, I must tell you, my husband got right into it and just left me to my own devices. I got very drunk so I could relax, and then, everything changed. I became a new woman, I felt empowered, sexy, and ready for anything.
I tried lovemaking with one man at first, and then the drunker I got, I wound up in a threesome with a guy and a girl. I discovered that I really “love” having sex with women.
The next day, I told my husband about this and he said it was probably just because I was drunk.
Sooz, the problem is, I have been seeing this woman and am currently having an affair with her. I just can’t seem to help myself. My husband and I are now having a great sex life also, but, I really want to be with this other woman. I feel so guilty, but I think I might be a lesbian, what should I do?
Lost in Lesbianism
OK…Here are my thoughts. Whether you are a lesbian, or Bi, is immaterial, having an affair outside of your marriage is something that almost always causes one stress and guilt. I realize it was your husbands idea originally to swing, BUT, now you have put yourself in a pickle.
I would recommend that you STOP seeing this other woman and keep your mouth SHUT, what has happened has happened. Since your sex life with your husband has now been revitalized, I suggest you both keep humping like bunnies and enjoy what you have.
While swinging can sometimes change the path of one’s love life positively, therapy is usually the best answer to any sexual problems you may be having. Swinging may be a “quick fix”, but, I doubt it will solve the long term underlying problem. I suggest seeing a therapist if your problem re-appears. Hope this has helped you.