The Airplane Ride

Recently, while traveling to Seattle for a training session for some marketing executives, I thought about some of the funny things I saw happen on the plane. I don’t know, maybe I was just bored, but, I heard and observed some funny things, at least “to me”, when I was on the plane.

Realize that I fly a LOT so… All at once these things just hit my funny bone.

  • People entering the plane— Because I am usually one of the first ones on the plane, I have a chance to be a people watcher. Now here’s the thing, there are usually around 200 seats on the plane so EVERYONE has a chance to get a seat.


On comes a husband and wife, the plane is still nearly empty and they  stand right in the middle of the isle looking for the PERFECT seat. In the meantime, people are boarding the plane waiting and waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Perfect seat taker, to FIND their perfect seat.


Finally, the husband picks the perfect seat, and the wife, GETS him up saying no, “SHE DOESN’T WANNA SIT THERE”. IN the meantime, chaos is breaking out behind them as there is a line longer than the Equator waiting. Finally, they sit and now everyone is RUSHING to the back of the plane as if there is a gold fortune hidden inside the lavatory. Ay Carumba!!!


  • The preflight talk—This is THE funniest part of the plane ride. 200 people on board while the safety talk goes on and they are TOTALLY oblivious. Some are sleeping, some are reading, and some are using the safety cards as fans, NO ONE CARES.

My favorite is when they talk about the oxygen masks falling in the event of cabin pressure change. “Just hold them over your face and breathe NORMALLY”. SERIOUSLY???????????????? Yeah, maybe once you stop SCREAMING… In the meantime, people are just snoring away… Sometimes I think I would be the only person on board who survives because “I” know where the EMERGENCE EXITS and LIFE PRESERVERS are.

  • Exiting the plane—This is too hilarious. Once again, you have 200 people ALL trying to be the FIRST off the plane. You would think that the freakin’ plane had crashed by the way they IMMEDIATELY get up and RACE for the exit door. Sit a while people, what’s the damn rush? Can you imagine having a fire drill in the plane??? Ay Carumba…

The next time you’re on a plane notice these things and see if it doesn’t crack you up.

Until Later…

Crows and Trucks just received this and thought I would put it on the wire so you would ALL know…

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “TRUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The Greedy Greeting Card Companies


Do you remember when greeting cards were for Birthdays only? Now, it seems that due to immeasurable GREED, there is practically a holiday, special occasion, or a sentiment card that needs to be sent DAILY. What the HELL happened here???
I mean SWEETEST DAY…Come ON!!! OK, let’s be honest here, it was ORIGINALLY started with the candy company in order to increase business, BUT, the greeting card Co. took the lead and just ran with it.

Look, I like to be pampered and fussed over just like the next gal, BUT not on a frivolous made up holiday like that. Birthdays I can understand, anniversaries, OK, but WHERE does it end?
Just look at the “special occasion” cards they have out now:

Mother’s day
Father’s Day
Grandparent’s Day
Fourth of July
Sweetest Day
Secretary’s Day
Bosses’ Day (REALLY)???
Divorce Cards
Marriage Cards
New Year’s Cards
Pet Cards

The list goes on and on, what’s next:

Festival of Sleep Day
Peculiar People Day
Make Your Dreams Come True Day
National Hat Day
National Popcorn Day
National Hugging Day
Oh…How about National Kazoo Day

Yikes, is there no end? Now, I’m not against making money, after all it IS the core of our economic structure, I’m just saying let’s have a little dignity here people. Try and make the cards you have unique, that way, people will keep buying them for their creativity, NOT their quirkiness for made up Holidays.

This is just a personal opinion, but I will interject it because I CAN. Why not stop a lot of these drippy and stupid POEM cards? For me, it takes the sincerity out of the card. Why not replace it with heartfelt sentiment and NO rhyme?
OK, keep SOME rhymes, but not to the extent the greeting cards co’s. have them now. I believe that if they DID this, they would be well in the black, and there would be no NEED to make up ridiculous holidays. Just my opinion.

Why Women Make Better Assassins


The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews

and testing were done, there were three

finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one

of the men to a large metal door and handed

him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your

instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

in a chair. Kill her.

The man said “You can’t be serious. I could

never shoot my wife”. The agent said, “Then

you are not the right man for this job.”

“Take your wife and go home”.

The second man was given the same

instructions. He took the gun and went into the

room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes,

“I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take

your wife and go home”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given

the same instructions: to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots

were heard one after another. They heard screaming,

crashing, and banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened

slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from

her brow.

“The gun was loaded with blanks” she said,

I had to KILL him with the chair…