Sue’s Fractured Fairy Tales

  • Fractured Fairy Tales
    Once upon a time in a far away land known as Earth, there lived three bears. There was a Papa bear, who was an architect and contractor, A Momma bear who was a CIA operative, and then there was the baby bear, he was well, only five years old, so his only claim to fame was loving, and eating as much ice cream as he could.

    One day, Momma bear got up early and decided to make breakfast for the family. She slaved and slaved in the kitchen making papnckes, eggs, bacon, ham and cinnamon muffins. Yeah, yeah, I know, you thought I was going say Porridge, but HEY, it’s MY story, suck it up.

    Papa bear had a HUGE plate in front of him, Momma, who was smaller, had a medium size plate, and baby bear had a very small plate of food to eat. Does THIS story sound familiar??? Hmmmmmm.

    Well, the bears took one bite of their delicious breakfast and said AY CARRUMBA, this meal is hotter than eggs frying on rocks in an Arizona Summer. Let’s all go for a walk and let this cool off and then try again. They all agreed, after a baby bear asked for some ice cream, and off they went.

    The day was gorgeous, they laughed, and talked, and played. Papa bear, while walking, got an idea. He had always wanted to have a bigger place to live. Not that the bear cave wasn’t nice, it just lacked some things, like running water, flush toilets, a place to cook on, and REAL beds instead of straw and sticks. Plus, the SMELL…it smelled like, well, a BEAR cave.

    Papa was determined to design and build a huge bear estate called “The Three Bears” (Go figure right???). He discussed it with momma bear and she agreed, as long as she could have granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances, and duel sinks in the bathroom.

    Now, also in this village, there lived a beautiful young girl named Rosie Red. (You thought I was gonna say Goldilocks didn’t you???) Alas, she was homeless after her parents were eaten by bears years earlier. Now she was destined along the path of a lonely traveler’s life, searching for scraps of food and lodging where ever she could find some. One day, while on her quest for food, she came upon a cave in the middle of the forest. She was curious as to what might be in there so she yelled in,”Anyone in there”? When no one answered, she decided to make a bold move, and proceed inward.

    Slowly she walked inside and immediately noticed a pungent smell. Hey, she thought, this could be a bear cave. She stopped dead in her tracks and just listened for a minute…No noise, so she proceeded.
    What she found were three plates of bacon, eggs, pancakes, muffins and juice. She was ravished, so she looked at all three plates and made a determination. Papa bears plate was WAY too full, Momma bears plate was cold, but baby bears plate was JUST right. She sat down and scarfed up all his food in about a minute. It was delicious.

    After eating, sleep overcame her so she decided to lie down. Papa bear’s bed was WAY too big, Momma bear’s bed was unmade and still too big, but baby bears bed was JUST the right size. (Of course).

    When the bears arrived home, momma bear, being a CIA operative, sniffed the air and said, ”I smell a HUMAN in here”. Quietly she took out her Glock 23 and moved to the kitchen. She could tell that baby bear’s food was all gone,so like a Ninja, she snuck into the bedroom and there she spotted Rosie Red fast sleep on baby bear’s bed.

    She was about to Cap her and then EAT her when papa bear came running into the bedroom showing his teeth, and well, growling like a bear. Rosie Red immediately woke up and RAN to the kitchen where she had stored two gallons of ice cream. Immediately, she grabbed the Rocky Road and Mint Chocolate Chip and offered it to the bears.

    Momma bear slowly put down her gun and replaced it with a huge scoop of Mint Chocolate ice cream. Papa bear and baby bear joined in as the four of them sat down and talked.

    After a long conversation, papa and momma bear invited Rosie Red to stay with them in their new home that papa was going to build. She was so happy, she had no words. She just ran up and hugged all three of them. Papa built that beautiful estate and momma bear got her Stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops, and duel sinks in the bathroom. Everyone was happy and lived happily ever after.

    If you’re a red headed chick who likes to snoop around, you better have plenty of ice cream at your disposal…

    Until Later
    ;) ;) ;)

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