Greeting Card Irregulars

Greeting cards can be fun, silly, happy, but most of all entertaining. Here is a list of greeting cards that never made it to mass production. I call them my IRREGULARS…

1.   You are cordially invited to take a trip. Wine, women, and song will be provided at our expense. ***NOTE*** The trip is a ONE way ride only.  Wine, women, and song are ONLY included IF you are ALIVE to partake. 

***VOID*** if Bubba or The Crusher are not available…

 

2.   Remember friends, ALL things are possible. *** NOTE***  You must be good looking, sexy, and very RICH to qualify for this little ditty. Does NOT pertain to the short, fat, bald, ugly, or income level below 200k. Also, mentally ill or unstable folks unqualified for above.

 

3.  It’s your BIRTHDAY…AGAIN…Wait, didn’t THAT come LAST year????? Please see LAST year’s gift and RE-ENJOY!!!

 

4.   Congratulations on your 4th. Divorce…You have finally obtained an illustrious status all of your own…LOSER!!!!!!!!!!

 

5.  If at first you don’t succeed, you’re NOT doing it right. I TOLD you, Suck…  ….Engage Tongue……Repeat…Come on…It’s NOT that hard, even my Aunt Irene can DO it and she’s 87….

 

6.  “If you wish upon a star”…. WHAT????? Geez, if you’re going to freaking’ wish upon a damn star, you might just as well BUY a Lottery Ticket. At least THERE, you have a 1 in six million chance of being rewarded…Get a GRIP……REALLY!!!!!

 

7.  “Don’t wait for your ship to come in, swim out to meet it”… OK, this is great advice UNLESS you can’t swim; in THAT case, you’re SCREWED!!!!!!!!!

 

8.  “What goes up must come down”… Really??? What about balloons filled with Helium? Ever SEE one come down? I rest my case. Scientists should really THINK before spouting off stuff like this…

 

9.  Congratulations on your new baby….Enjoy the next 18 yrs. of sleepless nights, worrying, bickering, constant and mounting bills, and did I mention the constant fighting???

 

   10. Congratulations on graduating from College. Here’s some advice…Go left at the stop sign to the nearest McDonalds and apply for the French fry operator’s job. Sorry, all the Archeology, Greek Mythology, and Philosophy jobs are already taken…

Until Later…

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