Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

My husband and I are having an argument about our 8 year daughter. She is very hairy Sooz, she doesn’t wear skirts, shorts, or dresses because of his problem.

I have told my husband about it, but he says she is too young and that she and I are just being silly. I too had hairy legs when I was young Sooz, and I know that the embarrassment and the teasing from others can mess you up.

I swore to myself that if I ever had a daughter, I would not let this also embarrass her. I am torn because of my husband. What do you think I should do?

Barber of Seville

 

Dear Barber of Seville:

First of all…CUTE signature…LOVE it!!! More importantly however is your daughter. You’re right, teasing, especially by her peers at school could be very damaging to her self-worth.

In MY opinion, I wouldn’t hesitate at all about taking your daughter aside and teaching her the use of a good razor and hair removers. Your husband is wrong in this case since he never had to go through that humiliation.

You are that child’s mother; you KNOW what to do, so DO IT already. My guess is your husband won’t even notice the difference anyway. If he does, too bad, sometimes we girls just have to stick together. Good luck!!!

 

 

Yard Sales For Dummies

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When I was younger, my parents used to take me to yard sales all the time. At one point, we bought so many yards, I could play ANYWHERE I wanted.

Yard sales, of course, are basically someone ELSE’S junk that YOU buy until you have your OWN yard sale.

And how about dickering, that was always MY favorite thing to do, still IS actually. For example, someone asks how much for the microwave oven, you tell them that the price is ON it. They look at the price tag of 8.00 bucks and say, “Will you take anything less than 8.00 dollars for it?”

You think hard here for, oh, say for one second, and then you put on your GLUM face like you are parting with one of your kids… You say, “Well, if I HAD to, I could go down to 50 cents, (Cause there ain’t NO way in HELL YOU’RE keepin’ that broken down, old dilapidated thing).

Finally, the sale has been made and the bickering goes on. HELL, we even came home with a new DAD once…Got a GREAT price for him too. Turns out that he was defective though, had to take him back to his previous wife, didn’t  even GET a refund…Oh Well!!

Sometimes people ask me…”Hey Sooz, What’s the difference between a yard sale and a flea market?” THAT’S an easy one…I tell them, one you buy yards, and the other you get fleas….Your choice….

Hint: Always pick the yard sale…They itch less…

Until Later…

Just Ask Sooz

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I need to ask you a question. What credentials do you have to be able to just dish out advice? If my understanding is correct, you are a CEO and not a psychiatrist or psychologist. You are not a Dr., and as such, should not be doling out medical advice either.

Where do you get off answering the people who write hoping that you will solve all their problems? I, for one, am extremely upset that you would even consider giving advice to others as it seems you can’t even maintain order in your own life.

Name Withheld by Request

 

Dear Name Withheld by Request:

While it is true that I am NOT a Dr., and have no psychology or psychiatry degree, I minored in both pathological and clinical psychology. I have studied people for years and seem to have a knack for knowing what’s wrong and then trying to help them.

Keep in mind that neither Ann Landers nor her sister, Dear Abby had any type of psychological degree, yet, they still tried to help people and were glib giving it.

Al I can say in my defense is that many people have written me back after I have “doled” out my advice saying that it helped them. I am sorry you feel the way you do, but I totally understand what you are saying and certainly have every right to voice your opinion. Thank you…

 

Why Must There be so Many of This Kind of Funeral

Sargeant David Wyatt will be laid to rest today after a brutal attack on recruitment centers in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Three other brave soldiers, a sailor, and a police officer were either wounded or killed in the attack.

First, let us offer up a moment of silence for ALL these brave, yet fallen victims. Just another reason why guns should only be used by those who protect us, or need them for life sustaining food.

This tragedy,  and others like them, were needless and senseless killings. May they all rest in peace, and may we sincerely LEARN from our mistakes. God Bless them!!!!

 

Square Balls

S quare Testicles

This is a joke that is supposed to bring you the luck of the Irish.  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president’s office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, £165,000′.

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, ‘What kind of bets?’

The elderly woman replied, ‘Well, I bet you £25,000 that your testicles are square.’

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.                  
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, ‘Would you like to take my bet?’

‘Certainly’, replied the president. ‘I bet you £25,000 that my testicles are not square.’

‘Done’, the elderly woman answered. ‘But given the amount of money involved, if you don’t mind I would like to come back at 10 ‘ clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.’ ‘No problem’, said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o’clock the elderly woman arrived at the president’s office with her lawyer and acknowledged the £25,000 bet made the day before that the president’s testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked        the president if she could touch them. ‘Of course’, said the president. ‘Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.’

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, ‘Oh, it’s probably because I bet him £100,000 that around 10 o’clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the  Bank of Ireland.’

Good Luck Be always With Ya!!!!!!

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

Thanks so much! It’s kind of lengthy but I could really use some input.

This guy (27) dated my older sister (24) for about 3 years. Last year, she came out as lesbian to everyone and they broke up but have remained close friends (and roommates). This year, him and I (22) had grown close, and he ended up telling me he was in love with me. I told him I loved him too.

I talked to my older sister about this and she said she was more than happy for us. So we tried it out for a couple weeks but I then realized I was in love with his personality but not physically attracted to him.

This ended in April. He and my younger sister start hanging talking quite often. I don’t think anything of it because we have all been friends since he began dating our oldest sister. Two weeks ago, we were all hanging out and he keeps flirting with my younger sister (18) talking all cutesy and trying to cuddle.

I held it together until my younger sister left then I told him I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore and I left. I don’t know why I feel so upset about all of this but it has been eating me at my core for the past two weeks.

I catch myself randomly thinking about it throughout the day and getting upset. I never stay mad for this long.. so I’m wondering, am I the only one that would be mad about this? Am I crazy?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

It seems to me that your anger might be based on the fact that you once cared for him. My thoughts are that you were were OK with your older sister dating him because it went on for a long time.

Then, you became involved with him and eventhough you broke it off, you were still carrying some feelings for him. When he started becoming affectionate with your sister,, this stirred yur emotional flame and you became jealous. This is perfectly natural.

Let some time pass and you will feel much better, PLUS, with the age difference, it probably won’t last anyway. Good Luck…

 

Drunk Again

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For those of you who read me, you know I am a drunk, (Alcoholic). Over a year ago, I entered into a treatment facility and while difficult, I got clean. I have a confession to make, while I was in Europe, I slipped a little bit and got drunk daily for about a week.

I know, I know, I hear what you’re saying, “Sooz, what the HELL is wrong with you?” Honestly, I couldn’t help it. I met this BEAUTIFUL woman and well, (You know how I am with beautiful women), she invited me out for a drink.

Now, I had PLANNED on just having iced tea, BUT, when we got there, SHE took control and ordered us two martinis. I was doomed, I just couldn’t bring myself to turn this lovely vision down, so I accepted, and drank it.

Well, you know ME, one is just never enough, I ordered two more, then two more after that and the night went on. I could feel from that FIRST drink that I was back on the treadmill again.

We shared a wonderful evening, (I think), as I woke up in her bed the next day. For breakfast, we had bagels and lemon vodka shots. I was doomed. I swore to myself that I was ONLY going to have ONE, but then, well, you can figure out the rest of the story, as her hands softly massaged my breasts, and back to bed again we fell in drunken stupors.

This went on for an entire week until we got to Sweden, where she was staying. Half buzzed, I wished her well and continued on my merry way. Each day I drank, but tried to get less and less drunk. Finally, on the thirteenth day, I had made it BACK to the beginning of sobriety again. Let us only HOPE it REMAINS that way…

Thanks for listening…

Until Later…

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

Yesterday, was our 21st. wedding anniversary and my husband completely forgot. I am pissed Sooz, and I am thinking of withholding sex as a reminder of what a stupid uncaring ass he is.

He would always be very caring and attentive to my birthdays and our wedding anniversaries, but within the last couple of years, it’s as if he doesn’t care. Do you think there is something wrong with our marriage or what? I’ll admit, since we have gotten older, our sex life hasn’t been hat it used to be, but, I always seemed to think he was OK with it.

Can you help me here?

Distressed in Detroit

 

Dear Distressed in Detroit:

Honey, unless your husband is a hundred years old, that male drive of his may have slowed, but it is STILL alive and well in his penis. Try to rekindle that flame again. Buy some new lingerie; cook his favorite dinner, light some candles, and tell him that he is the MOST exciting man in the world, even IF he looks like King Kong.

It’s ALL about the male ego baby. Show him that you still want and need him. Whisper sweet bullshit nothings in his ear and tell him that he is the only man on this planet for you. If you continuously keep this up, I guarantee, he will NEVER forget another anniversary. Good luck…

 

 

Gear Up for Ice Cream Day

Tuesday, July 7th. is National Ice Cream Day. That’s right America, for all you tongue licking, lip smackin’ cold, get down into over 1000 different kinds of ice cream, it’s YOUR day.

Hot day, cold day, rain, wind, or snowing, if you’re an ice cream lover, you’ll be sucking on some of that creamy taste of Heaven. For me, my favorite is Rocky Road; you can BET your last dollar, MY lips will be around some of that goodness.

 Ice Cream Facts:

  1. 90% of Americans like ice cream.
  2. The country with the MOST ice cream consumption is New Zealand, followed by the USA.
  3. The tallest ice cream ever scooped was from Italy—Over 9 ft. tall.
  4. Most of the vanilla used to make ice cream comes from Madagascar and Indonesia.
  5. The most popular ice cream topping is…(Drum Roll Please…) Chocolate Syrup.

So on July 7th. I want you to run to your stores, or Dairy Queens, or, Ben and Jerry’s and buy your favorite ice cream treat. Start your mouths watering.

Until Later…