Ten Things I’m NOT Going to Do Today

  1.  Swim in my garbage can—It’s being DRY cleaned. 
  1.  Watch pre-season football—Unless it’s the team I own. HINT: I DON’T own one… 
  1.  Play Rugby in the NUDE…Or CLOTHED…Or with ARMOR… 
  1. Have sex with Donald Trump…After all; if I DID…”I” might need a COMB OVER. 
  1.    Go Camping—Unless…It has indoor plumbing, a hot tub, and room service.  Any takers?????   SMILES!!! 
  1. Go white water rafting in BEER…Damn…Just too BZ today. 
  1. Fly to Rome just for the Pasta…I feel more like Greek today anyway. 
  1. Swim with the sharks.  I CAN’T, I was BANNED from the aquarium after getting drunk and tried to eat them as sushi. 
  1. Have lunch with The Wizard of Oz…He left me a note saying he was flying back to Kansas today. 
  1. Play hopscotch nude…Too many pervs lying on the ground under me covering all the damn numbers.

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