These girls are experts online arguers!
There are many important skills a person needs to learn in order to succeed in life. Winning an argument online is defintiely one of them!
So for this post I have decided to share some highly important tips that will ensure your success in any internet argument whatsoever!
When you are in an important online debate, it is important to use the correct information to use as facts or evidence to support your argument. Wikipedia and the Bible are always winners. Not only would you win the debate but you will look smart as a rocket science!
2. Tell your life story
People tend to post statements that are completely judgememtal. Nobody likes a judgemental douche. So I suggest that you use your life story to win this argument. This will teach the douche not to judge other people. Also, who needs to use philosphy or facts when you have a heart breaking life story to use as a weapon?
3. My Relative Died Argument
Are you feeling like you are losing the argument? Are you running out of facts or life story lessons to use as support for your argument? Then use the My Relative Died Argument! This would make the party you are arguing with look like a complete insensitive douche and would cause a massive wave of pity from other readers to flood your messages. This defeats all arguments and helps you to gain support.
4. TYPE EVERYTHING LIKE THIS!!!
YPING EVERYTHING IN CAPS MAKES A PERSON LOOK IMPORTANT. IT DOESN’T AT ALL LOOK LIKE YOU ARE A TODDLER SHOUTING BECAUSE SOMEONE STOLE YOUR FAVOURITE TOY. IT ALSO HELPS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO THE ARGUMENT AND HELPS THE HIGHLIGHT THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR ARGUMENT. YOUR OPPONENT WILL FEEL WEAK AND WILL IMMEDIATELY GIVE UP AT THE MERE SITE OF CAPS. ALL HAIL THE CAPS!!!
If you have reached a point where neither the My Relative Died Argument or typing everything in CAPS no longer work, then ssimply just insult your opponent. Call them a slut whose vagina contains more semen than a shared condom amongst a football team, because tha will make them look like a total loser. Not only will you destroy your opponents confidence, but you will look witty and cool doing it. And let’s face it, insults are totally more worth in an argument than any stupid fact will be. Facts are for fucking nerds, right?
So those were my five tips to win any argument online. Now you have no excuse to not start pointless arguments online.
I am reposting this because A, I *wanted* to, and B, I thought is was funny and needed a follow up post from someone who also loves to debate. You just can’t beat an old fashion debate now can ya?
1. Valid Information–Valid or not…This is a debate damnit, don’t confuse the argument with FACTS. Facts are just useless pieces of information that will confuse BOTH of you. The best debater is the one who can make Bullshit LOOK like it actually MIGHT contain facts. Seriously, it’s WHO can tell the best story that the crowd believes.
2. Tell Your Life Story–Again, here you take the facts, throw them out, and let your mind be as committed as possible to tell the biggest BELIEVABLE whopper.
3. My Relative Died Statement–OK…I must admit, THIS one is sheer brilliance. I nearly peed myself after reading this. From now on, I am go to START my argument with,” Before I start, I just like to have a moment of silence as my Aunt Ginny has just passed. She was a wonderful old woman who enjoyed boozing, and screwing as many men as she possibly could. Let us bow our heads and PRAY that OUR lives are filled with the same energy as hers.”
At this point, there shouldn’t be a DRY eye in the crowd and you can sell them ANYTHING!!!
4. TYPE EVERYTHING LIKE THIS–ALL CAPS SHOW SUPERIORITY AND WILL QUICKLY UNDERMINE YOUR OPPONENTS ARGUMENT. THE MORE CAPS, THE BETTER. THE LONGER YOU CAN TYPE WITHOUT YOUR OPPONENT INTERUPTING YOU, A WIN IS ASSURED. WHEN YOU’RE DONE HOWEVER, TRY AND REGRESS TO AN INDOOR VOICE BEFORE YOUR MUM COMES AND TOTES YOU AWAY.
5. Insult–This has ALWAYS been a favorite of mine ever since Dan Akroyd used to do it to Jane Curtin on SNL. My favorite is,” Shut up you arrogant narcissist”, you wouldn’t KNOW how to WIN an agrument if Danial Webster came in and argued the case FOR you.”
If That doesn’t shake his/her confidence, then just call him a needle dick, or her a slut with a penchant for water sports. THAT should do the trick.
I believe that with the above 10 suggestions given, you can win ANY argument…Internet, or other. Good night.