Obituary In The London Times

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
– Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
– Why the early bird gets the worm;
– Life isn’t always fair;
– and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; by his wife, Discretion; by his daughter, Responsibility; and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers:  I Know My Rights; I Want It Now; Someone Else Is To Blame; I’m A Victim; and Pay Me For Doing Nothing
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Giggle Time–The Martian

The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on
Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all
sorts of things.

Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have
laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

‘Just how do you guys do it?’ asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, ‘Pretty much the way you do.’

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide
to swap partners for the night and experience one
another…

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian strips.. He’s got only a
teeny,weenie member about half an inch long and just
a quarter-inch thick.

‘I don’t think this is going to work,’ says Maureen..

‘Why?’ he asks. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘Well,’ she replies, ‘it’s just not long enough to reach me!’

‘No problem,’ he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead
with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his
member grows until it’s quite impressively long.

‘Well,’ she says, ‘that’s quite impressive, but it is still narrow.’

‘No problem,’ he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each
pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

‘Wow!’ she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made
mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and
go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie
asks, ‘Well, was it any good?’

‘I hate to say it,’ says Maureen, ‘but it was wonderful.
How about you?’

‘It was horrible,’ he replies. ‘All I got was a headache …
She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.’

IF YOU DON’T LAUGH AT THIS, YOU ARE BEYOND HOPE!

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I am a mom who has 2 small children who I will be taking out for Halloween for the first time. Here is my concern, my husband wants to take them around the neighborhood and I am a little leery about doing that.

I would much prefer going to a Community sponsored event where I know things will be safe. What are your thoughts on this one? My husbands reads and respects your replies.

Ghostsbuster

Dear Ghostbuster:

I believe it all depends on the neighborhood where you live. If you live in a safe neighborhood, it is probably fine, just check the candy once you get home to make sure it is still wrapped in the containers.

Discard any items such as popcorn balls or homemade type articles as these could be easily tampered with. Personally, I am for the Community centers that have Halloween sponsered events. There are organized games, music, and the kids seem to have a good time.

Enjoy your Halloween and Ah….Save me the Reeeses Pieces and the KitKats….

Enjoy!!!

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

My husband and I have a 16 yearld daughter who has just received her liscence. She is very anxious to drive but has no insurance on her car. We bought her a used car (in our names), with the understanding that she would get her own insurance, to date, this has not happened.

She keeps pressuring us to let her drive, but, if she is involved in an accident without insurance, we could be sued for everything. The problem is that she is a daddy’s girl and she has him wrapped around her finger.

She is working on him to let her run meanial errands for us, as we live in the country and it is a ways from anything. Please let her know that I love her, but, I feel she should hold up her end of the bargain, get a job, and pay for her own insurance. What do you think?

Auto Distressed

Dear Auto Distressed:

As you say, it is HER responsibility to live up to HER part of the bargain now. Under NO circumstances, let her drive that car until it is fully insured. You are absolutely right, if she would be involved in an accident, the burden, if any, would fall entirely upon you and your husband.

At some time, teens need to grow up and be responsible people, it appears HER time is NOW… Good luck…

Torn

 

Here I walk the shadowed Halls, torn between two worlds.

Venture Not, I enter into the realm of reality, but, wander  amongst the un-dead, in the land of Hades.

Ripped from the grace of God, and thrown into Satan’s layer,

I dwell all my days on the living Earth.

Free MY soul, and deliver me from Sin’s stronghold.

 

And I’m Feelin’ Good…

Darkness possesses the night and my body yearns for relief.

Burning, slow to start, but quick to flame.

The choice has been made; I must commit my flesh to the wantonness within.

Lust has called me, now I must answer.

 

As I touch my readied breast, make me burn with passions desire.

I Pinch my supple nipples with kindness, for my danger zone is calling.

Heat ensues as the party continues.

I trust NOT my senses as they are controlled by my wanton urges.

 

Slowly I travel down, down to where my fire rages.

I slip within the burning walls, and once again, the intensity rises.

Around and around I travel, slightly touching the button of release.

I arch, I cry out into the darkness, and once more, sleep overcomes my spirit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What IS Kinky Sex

I haven’t really written about sex lately, so I decided it was time. In some of my Just Ask Sooz letters, people, (Usually women), ask about kinky sex. Many say that their boyfriends are into “unusual” sex like Bondage, Domination/Submissive role playing, certain fetishes like foot, or water sports sex and a multitude of “other types of sex positions.

They ask me whether or not these types of sex are Kinky? My best answer…They are ONLY considered kinky if you do NOT want to participate in them.

Many people LIKE bondage, and Dominatrix or Submissive sex while others do not. Does that make them kinky, I say again, it depends on your perspective. As an example, lets take ME. Personally, I like them all from straight sex, to bondage and water sports, to taking it where the sun doesn’t shine.

I have always been very open to new styles of sex play, and as a result, I have become a more well-rounded partner. Does that make me KINKY or EXPERIENCED?

Don’t get me wrong here, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with “normal” sex, the “other” styles just enhance MY sexual experience and gives my partners the satisfaction they so dearly need.

Is it right for everyone…No. Could more people be interested in the “other” forms of sex, maybe, but you would have to lose all inhibitions first. Most folks are afraid to experience these other forms, too bad though, as the better versed you are, the better the sex.

My thoughts, expand your KINKY side, try it, you might just LIKE it…

Until Later…

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I’m a 52 year old woman who has been widowed now for almost 2 years. I have recently met a man and we’ve been dating for the last month. Yesterday, while at the movies, he looked me straight in the eye and asked me to marry him.

Sooz, I didn’t know what to say, I mean it has only been one month. I enjoy his company, and we do get along well together, I am just afraid to make any commitment until I know him better.

He is 4 years my senior and has been married twice already so I am a little leery. I do know that he is well off and would be able to amply provide for me. I am really torn here Sooz, what do you think I should do?

Torn

Dear Torn:

I seem to be missing the “L” word here. You state that you “enjoy his company” and “get along well”, but, there is just NO mention of the word love here. While you two are certainly mature adults and know your own minds, I suggest you get to know him better, and wait and see what develops first.

I mean, for all you know, he could be a serial killer, or a guy who picks his nose all day. Get to know him before you take that big leap. If he truly loves you, he will understand and go along with you.

Just don’t jump INTO something before being sure. The fact that you are writing for MY opinion tells me to take it slow, stir the pot first, THEN taste the flavor… I wish you much luck.

Interesting Facts

#1 In more than half of all states in the United States of America, the highest paid public employee in the state is a football coach.

#2 It costs the U.S. government 1.8 cents to mint a penny and 9.4 cents to mint a nickel.

#3 Almost half of all Americans (47 percent) do not put a single penny out of their paychecks into savings.

#4 Apple has more cash than the U.S. Treasury.

#5 The state of Alaska is 429 times larger than the state of Rhode Island. But Rhode Island has a significantly larger population than Alaska does.

#6 Alaska has a longer coastline than all of the other 49 U.S. states put together.

#7 The city of Juneau, Alaska, is about 3,000 square miles in size. It is actually larger than the entire state of Delaware.

#8 When LBJ’s “War on Poverty” began, less than 10 percent of all U.S. children were growing up in single parent households. Today, that number has skyrocketed to 33 percent .

#9 In 1950, less than 5 percent of all babies in America were born to unmarried parents. Today, that number is over 40 percent .

#10 The poverty rate for households that are led by a married couple is 6.8 percent. For households that are led by a female single parent, the poverty rate is 37.1 percent .

#11 In 2013, women earned 60 percent of all bachelor’s degrees that were awarded that year in the United States.

#12 According to the CDC, 34.6 percent of all men in the U.S. are obese at this point.

#13 The average supermarket in the United States wastes about 3,000 lbs of food each year. Meanwhile, approximately 20 percent of the garbage that goes into our landfills is food.

#14 According to one recent survey, 81 percent of Russians now have a negative view of the United States. That is much higher than at the end of the Cold War era.

#15 Montana has three timesas many cows as it does people.

#16 The grizzly bear is the official state animal of California . But no grizzly bears have been seen there since 1922.

#17 One recent survey discovered that “a steady job” is the number one thing that American women are looking for in a husband, and discovered that 75 percent of women would have a serious problem dating an unemployed man.

#18 According to a study conducted by economist Carl Benedict Frey and engineer Michael Osborne, up to 47 percent of the jobs in the United States could soon be lost to computers, robots and other forms of technology.

#19 The only place in the United States where coffee is grown commercially is in Hawaii.

#20 The original name of the city of Atlanta was “Terminus“.

#21 The state with the most millionaires per capita is Maryland.

#22 One survey of 50-year-old men in the U.S. found that only 12 percent of them said that they were “very happy”.

#23 The United States has 845motor vehicles for every 1,000 people.

#24 48 percent of all Americans do not have any emergency supplies in their homes whatsoever.

#25 There are three towns in the United States that have the name “Santa Claus“.

#26 There is actually a town in Michigan called “Hell“.

#27 If you have no debt and also have 10 dollars in your wallet…you are wealthier than 25 percent of all Americans.
#28 By the time an American child reaches the age of 18, that child will have seen approximately 40,000 murderson television.

Politicians….Yikes!!!!

I have been thinking about the folks that are in politics, and I was trying to see if they all had a common link. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

  1. They ALL speak out of BOTH sides of their mouths
  2. They All lie for the “common good”…What IS the “common good” anyway???
  3. A fantastic vocabulary of practical sentences is a MUST… Example… “I never said that”, or “You are taking that out of context” should ALWAYS be at their disposal.
  4. Holding babies lovingly while MAKING babies of their own with interns is also a very common trait.

There are several more, but in the interest of time and space, I will leave you capable people to your OWN opinions. Here’s another thing…All these damn debates, “I’m gonna do this”, or “Why aren’t we doing that”, Seriously…Has ANY President gotten something done the way HE wanted to do it? The answer to that is NO!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against politicians in general, just the attributes on which they stand… Look, come up with a good plan, make sure the numbers work, THEN, see HOW you are gonna pay for what you wanna do.

This little caveat NEVER seems to be worked out, OR, at least TOLD to the American people. Why, you ask, probably because it CAN’T be done Look, I have a plan…Put ALL the candidates in a sealed room, kinda like the Vatican does, and let them FIGHT it out. Sooner or later the STRONGEST, WISEST, most INTELLIGENT Man/Woman will emerge as a PUFF of white smoke rises from the Capitol.

That’s MY two cents…

Until Later…