I am writing you because I need someone to talk with. My husband and I live in a very rural of the country and there are no neighbors for at least 2 miles. We’re farmers and pretty much work from sun up to sun down.
My husband and I have been married now or 6 years and luckily, we have no children. Here’s the problem, sometimes my husband becomes verbally abusive. He says I am no good, have absolutely no value what-so-ever, and says that the only thing I am good for is sex.
My self-esteem is on the scale of about a negative 10 Sooz, I would leave him, but I am 52 years old, living in nowhere, and have no real skill except for farming. I’m beginning to think that his reaction towards me is my fault.
I am so distraught, and I really need someone to talk to. Please help me.
In The Twilight Zone
Dear In The Twilight Zone:
In reality, HE is the one with low self-esteem. Usually it is this type of person who can dish verbal abuse out to those who will take it. I believe that sometimes VERBAL abuse is actually worse than physical abuse.
As far as dishing out advice, it’s hard in your case because you didn’t say whether you still loved him or not. If you do, I suggest going to a counselor with him. Through counselling, sometimes the therapist can get through to the abusive one and help boost their self-esteem.
Usually, however, this is NOT a quick fix. If you two are worth going through the process, THEN I think it may be corrected. In the meantime, call a friend, relative, someone who can lend a kind ear to act as your sounding board.
If your husband won’t go, go on your own to a group who caters to verbally abused women. This will help boost YOUR self-esteem. If all fails, get the HELL outta there and don’t look back. Good luck.