Dateline: Monday, June 20th. 2016 &32 AM
Today the world took notice as The Pillsbury Doughboy was arrested and cuffed for the assault of one of his patrons. The Doughboy could be heard screaming as the police led him away, “I’m mad as Hell and I’m NOT gonna take it anymore.”
Sources at the scene say that early this morning, while making Pillsburry biscuits, the patron was playing with the doughboy by pushing on his stomach. Without warning, the Doughboy grabbed a butter knife and stabbed the victim.
Luckily, the victim only sustained minor cuts and yellow buttering wounds. Dan Blueberry, said he would press charges, and make sure that The Doughboy was prosecuted to the maximum extent of the law.
The Doughboy in response said, “I’m just tired of being pushed in the belly, I just lost it.” Thousands are protesting the Doughboy’s imprisonment and are marching outside in a private location.
Trial is set for next month, stay tuned.