Summer’s Heat

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The temperature is up, and my Lust follows accordingly.

Slowly I peel back the heated layers of clothing until I reveal only the necessary EVILS.

I am HOT, and I need relief.

Slowly, I reach down my over heated breasts, until I reach the danger zone.

Touching and swirling, the moisture builds along my firm clit.

Greater, and sexier, I feel until the momentum build, until it can no longer be contained.

Screaming out into the Summer heat, I explode with exotic eruption, until all again, is

QUIET!!!

 

 

Quiet is the Night

Quiet is the night howling like a deafening silence before a storms raging fury.

Shielded by the souls of thoughts gone by, you command Natures awe. 

Powerful is thy cloak that shadows darkened minds.

Speak to me, not in thy solitude but with thy gentle persuasion.

Comfort my saddened heart upon thy shadow and restore my broken faith.

Silent Lover’s Despair

To wish, to have, to hold, to be held.

Dreams of consequence, or visions of despair?

Play me not my fickle heart, for yearning’s tears become my pain.

I search within my soul, feed me love’s embrace, let him hold me close, and nurture me within his arms.

Let me feel his breath upon my bosom, and let his light forever shine upon me.

President Obama Eats Only 7 Almonds…WHAT???

Seriously????? Who the #&*^ cares? This was actually a newspaper article showing how President Obama is not a snack junkie at night while reading over briefings in the Treaty Room, or watching sports on TV.

The thing is, he only eats 7 Almonds, not 6 Almonds or 8 Almonds, just 7. While I’m sure this is a good snack as opposed to say, potato chips or Doritos, do WE as a nation REALLY give 2 damns about what the Hell the President of the United States eats? I DON’T!!!!

Sure, sure, he is a very healthy guy, good, but why should WE care about what the HELL he eats? I actually couldn’t believe this when I read it. It must have been a VERY slow news day if they considered THIS a good story.

Oh, wait GREAT news… In his convention speech, President Obama HIMSELF debunked the statement by saying that sometimes he really doesn’t COUNT the Almonds he eats. Now THAT’S a REAL American telling the truth.

I am GLAD that after many sleepless nights about this concern, he finally did the right thing and confessed to the entire Nation that he does screw up occasionally and eat that 8TH. Almond.

No worries here Mr. President, go ahead and eat the ENTIRE bag of nuts if you want to, the important this is…Your Conscience is Clean now.

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

Dear Sooz:

I have been with my boyfriend now for about a year. We go out to the movies, dinner, picnics, etc. The problem is, we have never slept together. Recently, he has been pressuring me into sleeping with him.

Sooz, I am only 18 and I really don’t know if I want to have sex yet, plus, I don’t know if he is the one. I met him at the end of my senior year in high school and he is the only boy I have ever been with. You see, I am kind of shy and am not what you would call a party girl.

I do enjoy his company and he is very nice, but, I am just not sure about taking it to the next level.  I ask myself, could I see myself with this guy for the rest of my life and my answer is no. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. He says if I really liked him then we should be sleeping together. What do you think?

Lost

 

Dear Lost:

Everyone is different. Just because HE says that you should be sleeping together does not mean that you should. If he respects you and you tell him that you are not ready yet, he will either dump you (like an idiot), or he will respect your decision until you are ready.

Never let someone pressure you into sex unless YOU are ready for it. Believe me, you will be happier and sex will be THAT much better with someone who REALLY cares for you. Who knows, maybe a year from now you will be ready and THEN you can *^*# your brains out.

Remember…YOU have the control here, NEVER let anyone PRESSURE you into doing anything you are not ready for. I wish you much luck and happiness in your future.

 

 

 

Democrats and Republicans—This Year’s COMEDY OF ERRORS

Let me start out by saying that I am like Switzerland; I have no like, or dislike for ANY candidate, I dislike them BOTH, equally. As a result, I can be just as honest as I want. I am not tied by political referendum or rhetoric; I am an intelligent individual who wants only the BEST for our country.

Let’s be perfectly real here folks, Trump is a self-appointed windbag who likes to hear himself talk, and Hilary is just well, a plain out liar. Let’s see, WHO do we want to be our President, a self-absorbed, woman hating, narcissist, or a woman who has been in the political ring for so long now, she wouldn’t know the truth if it was handed to her in a Bible.

That’s why THIS year; I am casting my write in vote for Mickey Mouse. Mickey is a personal friend of mine from the Disney studio and I believe he is the best candidate for this difficult job.

Think about it, has Mickey ever lied to you…NO… Has he ever spoken unkindly about women or the goals they stand for …NO…Is he a political figure or a money hungry mouse…NO… Would he treat us all with respect and dignity…YES…?

Then the choice as I see it is clear, vote for the mouse for President. Just write his name in on the ballot. It’s simple to easy, and let’s face it; he IS the best mouse for the job. Just think about it, others would be flabbergasted, they would have no previous knowledge of any of his political convictions. Putin, especially, would be TOTALLY in the dark and wouldn’t know how to address him. I love it!!!

Think about it, if you really search your soul, you will agree with what I have said. Let’s elect someone who can not only do the job, but who WANTS to change our lives for the better…GO MICKEY MOUSE!!!!

 

 

 

Secrets of the Close

I have been in sales for years, and I must admit, I’m a pretty damn good closer. Selling, whether it’s in your profession, or even in everyday life trying to win an argument is very easy IF you know the secrets.

I’m hearing some people say “WHAT???”, but it’s true, closing effectively is all about SKILL and not just winging it. Let me show you.

It’s all about people. First, you have to size them up and see what type they are. There are basically 3 different types of people:

  1. Aggressive and confident—These are very easy people to persuade or sell. Most all will fall prey to the FACT presentation. Their lives are made up of facts and or scientific jargon and as such, you need to use your facts to either CONVINCE them or SELL them something. Believe me, the more facts you can include in your argument or presentation, the easier it will be to sell them.

 

  1. The Doormat—Many people out there are what I call the doormats of the Universe. They are dominated by others and are the followers of the world. They live within their own little worlds, like to do things on their own and are very happy just reading books, watching TV, or living at others pleasure. These people, however, are also THINKERS, and may take longer to sell or persuade. The technique here is to make them think that your idea came from THEM. If they believe in some way that THEY thought of it, then you are in like solid gold. These are the challenging people.

 

  1. The I Don’t NEED or Want it People—Don’t get me wrong here, not EVERYONE  needs your product, or WANTS to go to the beach when it’s 100 degrees outside. It’s YOUR job once again to CONVINCE them WHY they really need your product or service; or WHY and HOW it would benefit them to go to the beach. These are usually the I’ll get back to you people, or I’ll ask 50 or 60 of my relatives first, and THEN I will make a decision. These people can be frustrating, but, once you sell them and show them the benefits, going forward, you can sell them ANYTHING!!!

 

Remember, these should be used as a guideline, once you figure out which type of people they are, the REST is easy. Good luck…

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

I have never written to anyone before, but I read your column and I like it very much. I must admit it is a bit embarrassing for me, but I could really use your help.

I have been married to a wonderful man for over 6 years no. I we are both in our 30’s and we both enjoy sex very much. Everything was fine up until about two years ago.

Out of the blue, when my husband would enter me, it would start to hurt like crazy. Obviously, this made sex uncomfortable and painful for me. I went to my gynecologist and she said that nothing was wrong after doing a few tests.

She said that maybe I just needed more lubrication and that would fix the problem. I have tried that Sooz, but it really hasn’t helped much. Do you have any advice you can give me that may help make the sex better again?

Sexy Sadie

 

Dear Sexy Sadie:

Actually, I do. You “Could” have what therapists call Vaginismus, this is when upon entering, the Vagina constricts and thus causing the pain. The solution here is to get a kit that uses a dilator for the vagina, which helps stretch it making the pain go away.

Also, try and strengthen your Kegel muscles. There are several books and pamphlets out there that can show you how to do this. Also, the internet has some good ideas also. Many times, this in itself will help alleviate your pain.

I would try this first and see if it helps you. In the meantime, try to have your husband perform oral sex on you while you are strengthening your Kegel muscles.

If all else fails, try a sex therapist, they may be able to advise you on something I couldn’t. Good luck, I hope it works.

 

Keurig Repair—Sooz’s Way

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Let me just start out by saying that I LOVE coffee. About a year ago, I got my first Keurig coffee maker, I love it. Up until yesterday it worked just fine, so this morning, I thought rather than spend 50 bucks or more to have it repaired, I would just tinker around with it and see hat I could do.

Now for those of you who read me, you may have surmised that I am NOT the best fix it woman in the world. However, ONCE gain, I decided that I would give it a shot.

I took out my handy Keurig booklet, went to the troubleshooting section and dug in.

No Power—Plug the machine in DUH!!!, See if blue light comes on. CHECK!!!

Blue Light is on but NO coffee—Yup, that was the problem, SEE, how hard was that. Then it gave a few suggestions like line up possible tools needed. It said get a needle nose pliers, a Phillips head screwdriver, a Flat head screwdriver, a Star headed screwdriver, a regular pliers, some Duct Tape (Figures), and a wire stripper.

Yikes, this was becoming more than I wanted to handle. I figured that all I would have to do is push the re-set button. So, the book said to lift and re-set the water thingy by lifting it up and then easily giggling it a couple of times…NOTHING!!!

Then, it said if THAT didn’t work to open up where you put the cups in and take a safety pin, (What happened o all those tools), and stick it inside the little hole in there a few times…Nothing.

After an an hour messing with it, I decided there was one tool I was probably missing. I took the coffee maker out to my garage, placed it on the floor  used the tool I KNEW would fix it…Yup….A Sledgehammer. I broke that #$%@%*& thing into about a million pieces…FINALLY…I KNEW what was wrong with it, I needed a NEW one.

 

 

Just Ask Sooz

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Dear Sooz:

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and he has a problem. No, I don’t mean a sexual problem, we are good there, He is deathly afraid of clowns. No, seriously, he gets crazy when he sees even a picture of a clown.

I bring this up because we have a 6 year old son who has a birthday coming up. Thinking it would be nice for Mark, (our son); I suggested we hire a clown to make the party more fun.

Well, my husband freaked out and said absolutely not, there was no way a clown was coming to our house. I thought this was a bit unrealistic, so I stormed off into the bedroom. Am I wrong here, or should I respect my husband’s wishes.

Sad Clown Face

Dear Sad Clown Face:

As odd as it may seem, many people are afraid or scared of clowns, just like many people are afraid of spiders. Just tell your husband you didn’t realize how bad it affects him, and hire a magician instead. No one can go wrong with a kid’s magician. Good luck. Oh, Happy Birthday to Mark…