I have been thinking and drinking today, just looking back over my life, and I have found that when drunk, I can still function. Now, does this mean that I am just meant to be a drunk, or that it is OK for me to get wasted once in a while?
I must admit, I have gone to class drunk and no one even noticed. My average is still an A so my drinking has not seemed to affect my school work, so what’s the harm?
Drinking seems to slow, but focus my mind. Usually, I write better drunk than sober. I don’t know, I KNOW that I shouldn’t drink, one, because I’m an alcoholic, and two, because I get VERY horny and want to jump ANYONE in sight.
Still, I love the feeling and the relief it brings from the everyday pressures. Believe it or not, there are guys AND girls both who wish I would REMAIN drunk so they could take advantage of my induced lust.
Certainly I remember going through rehab and the pain it caused for a couple of weeks. That is something I certainly don’t wanna do again, but I feel like my control is slipping and that I am falling deeper and deeper into the hold of the demon spirit.
I have called my sponsor and that helps for a while, but I have found that the devil on my shoulder takes over, and I fall back into the dark pit of drunkenness once again.
I don’t know what to do. Once a drunk, always a drunk, or keep on fighting the temptations that are tearing my flesh apart. I can’t write anymore as I am slipping deeper and deeper into temptations lust. I will sign off for now and pick it up another time…