I have a problem. I have been divorced for 8 years now, but can not get over the guilt of my failed marriage. My ex has moved on and remarried leaving me with the bitter thoughts of hatred and revenge.
At night, I obsess and think about how I can get back at him and make his life miserable. This gives me some pause and yet, I know what I am feeling is wrong. Counselling has not worked for me and I still harbor these feelings of anger and resentment.
Why does life have to be so hard Sooz, why can’t he feel the pain and anger that possess me? Your help would be appreciated.
Dear Wacko Ex:
It sounds as if you need to STOP seeing your current counselor and start seeing someone who can actually help you. Your feelings are NORMAL for a short time after any divorce, however, you should have moved past that anger and resentment after 8 years.
Keep yourself busy with work and other activities. Get a hobby, join a gym, get out and meet people. The busier you stay, the less focus you will put on feeling miserable.
Definitely see another counselor, however, someone who can help you this time. Support groups for divorcees are also a good thing to attend. I’m sure that if you take my advice, you will be on the right track towards feeling well-adjusted. Good Luck.